Thursday, September 22, 2016

So You're Dating a Horror Fan...

I got an interesting question recently, shoved between hate mail and pleas for me to talk about more of the "lovely" Wood Rocket parody films. It was the sort of question that I never get asked, which is probably why it stuck out so much that I have decided to dedicate an entire article to it. I was asked "my boyfriend is obsessed with horror but I'm a horror virgin and I'm not sure how to handle it. Can you help me?", which again, is an interesting question. Being in a relationship can be a battle, but going into one with some preparedness is always good. With all the horror related blogs out there, I'm flattered I was picked, but we're in the midst of Horrorfest so it does feel right. No movie review today, bleeders, because today we're playing advice column.

Don't worry, we'll get back to movies soon. Very special movies.

So you're starting a new relationship and you've found that your significant other is quite fond of something rather foreign to you, the wild and woolly world of horror. You may find that this whole concept can be...well, horrific...but let me assure you that you can not only survive the experience, you can also come out the other end possibly loving it. Now, like an relationship in its infancy, you want to take things slow. There's no need to rush into things you're not ready for. The same goes with horror. Take your time, coast into it gradually. It's important to learn about what your partner loves but it's also important that you're not uncomfortable while doing so.

Do not let yourself feel tortured just because you think you should give horror a go.
It's admirable to be willing to try new things and it is highly recommended that for a relationship to be healthy, you try to invest interest in similar things, but forcing it on yourself is only going to lead to bad things. No one wants their relationship to turn out like an Eli Roth movie. Trust me. Moving on, it's also very important that you both communicate. Don't just lie about being into the stuff they like and try to choke down stacks upon stacks of lies until things spiral out of control.

Always be careful of spirals. It can go pretty badly.
Tell them you want to learn more about their love for horror, to understand it. Ask them to recommend some stuff or maybe to help ease you into it. Being in a healthy and loving relationship means that you never have to go into these things alone. Let them show you what makes them love horror and maybe it will help you find a place for it in your heart too. Again, take your time. There's no need to rush into things, so move at your own pace. Otherwise you might be tempted to run away from it entirely, which is never a good thing.

Running away solves nothing.
Trust them to be there for you and hopefully they won't let you down. On the flipside, it's also important that you don't let them down in regards to their love of horror. One rule I always live by and think more people need to practice is this: don't belittle what they love. A person's feelings can be hurt just as easily when you target their favourite things. Being mean-spirited in regards to their fandom is damaging to your relationship and can even be very damaging in friendships too. Respect their taste, even if you don't happen to share it.

Acting constantly repulsed or rude will only lead to a bloody breakup.
Another important thing to remember is that horror itself is varied. There are different kinds of horror films, books, comics, games, and even attractions for all of the different tastes. Explore the genre, see if you can find a subgenre to suit your specific tastes, and enjoy yourself. Share the things you find there with your partner and it will be something for you both talk about and help you grow closer for the exchange. Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy functioning relationship, so remember to talk about things you both love in regards to horror or really in general. Open up to each other and really get to know the person you love.

It's always important to see who someone really is inside.
Finally, don't be abrasive with one another and try to force them to your view. Yes, they need to understand you and you them, but taking time to make sure you understand one another is the better way to go. When you force things it often just leaves the other party feeling as they're being pulled in opposite directions, between you and what they actually want. You do not want that to happen, as it will likely spell doom. Support them, let them support you, and no one has to feel like they're being pulled apart.

Otherwise, the results are always negative.
Now, I really do hope this helps you and anyone else out there in a similar predicament. If it does, then I feel like the time it took to think and write about this all was worth it. If it doesn't help? Well, I'm sorry. I tried, but I can't promise anything as far as results go. People are all different and need different things. Usually patience and understanding are the primary things you need to make any relationship work, whether horror is involved or not. If you can nail that down, then you're on your way to a happy time for all involved. Part of me does feel like it's weird offering any of this advice though, seeing as my relationships often...turn out less positive. I don't blame them, nor do I blame myself. It's just how things shake out sometimes. I hope your relationships all turn out better though and that you all continue sharing and loving things together. Later days, bleeders.

Now go spread some good spooky vibes.

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