Friday, January 1, 2016

Lego Minifigure Box

We're back! And in the aftermath of the glourious holiday carnage, I find myself not only with bad movies to review...but with gifts aplenty. As such, we're going to go over some of my loot throughout this month and talk about them in detail. I promise that you can expect the same quality here as you get when I am choking back vomit as I watch a certain actress getting her pornstar on. Anyway, let's talk about today's item.

I'm a bit nervous. The last box I got had a guy in it who had nails sticking out of his head & I had to get a lot of blood out of my carpet.

The box itself contains four Lego minifigures, each from a different line/set. Now me, being the eternal comic book nerd, I knew my favourite immediately. We'll talk about him soon. First off though, let's talk about the box itself. It's an interesting little package, featuring a different figure on each side. We have one DC Comics Super Heroes minifigure, one Ninjago minifigure, one Chima minifigure, and one City minifigure. And I have to confess, I don't know too much about Ninjago or Chima. Ninjago seems alright, like a sillier version of Power Rangers. Chima though always felt a bit too much like Thundercats for me. It also came around right as the excellent Thundercats reboot was getting cancelled over as Cartoon Network. But that's not Chima's fault and was honestly the first of many bad decisions from CN regarding some of their more high quality shows.

FUCK YOU, CARTOON NETWORK! FUCK EVERY SINGLE PART OF YOU!! I'M STILL MAD AS HELL!
As an idea though, this set is appealing. Who doesn't love Legos? And getting a box of four minifigures is definitely cool, offering you the chance to have four new characters to play with as you build a tiny brick world that you will eventually destroy like the malevolent dark god you truly are. I've got no complaints so far.

Look at it. It's like the loveliest seizure you could ever wish for.
As I gaze at this package, I feel a bit of childhood joy leak out. Only a bit though, as these are just minifigures and not actual sets. I guess I won't be building any Lego dildos on this day. Opening the package up, I carefully remove the figures with the grace of a true master.

A master of what? The jury's still out on that one.
Each minifigure seems very well made. They have great details on them and even come with small stands, which means Lego is actually ahead of some other toy manufacturers who are in that there action figure business. First up, let's take a look at the best one in the set. Here's Lightning Lad.

You gotta love that cocky fucking grin. He just knows he's the true star here.
Now, for those who don't know, this guy here is an alien superhero from the distant future. He's a member of the Legion of Super-Heroes, a massive team of heroes that came together from many different planets to try and live up to the legends of the old superheroes of the past. They even built a time machine and met Superboy, bringing young Clark to their time to go on adventures. It was a fun comic and it got some serious love when Superman got brought back again some years back to help them against some xenophobic human "superheroes" who were rounding them all up. This design here of Lightning Lad is actually based on that too, featuring his older self. He's even got a cool little tattoo on his left arm like in the comics! But wait, what happens if you remove his hair?

He becomes overcome with homicidal rage, of course.
One of the more interesting things I've noticed with newer minifigures is this. Reversible heads with different faces. It's a cool idea, especially since it allows us to see Lightning Lad harnessing his powers via those lightning bolt eyes. He's ready to fry some baddies until they smell like a Hot Pocket that has been in the microwave too long. Moving on from him, let's check out what Ninjago has to offer us.

My best guess is that it's going to offer us a lot of hair gel.
So, Ninjago...it's about ninjas, I guess? I think I watched a couple of episodes of it with my niece a while back. It seemed alright, but I really didn't get into it. At the time I thought it was because the whole animated Lego thing wasn't for me, but since then The Lego Movie became one of my favourite animated films, so I guess it isn't that. I just can't really peg what it is that didn't really appeal to me. I mean, it's basically a sentai show. I like sentai shows. But, for whatever reason, I was not into this phenomenon. Kids clearly dig it though, as it is still going strong as a Lego toyline.

Trust me, not all Lego toylines are as fortunate.
As a figure, this guy isn't bad. His overall look is interesting, if a bit busy. Yeah, that would be my only real complaint here: he looks busy. There's just too much stuff going on with his look. He really is so armoured up that he looks less like a ninja and more like a samurai. There's two things that do not get along. That's like sticking a honey badger and...well, anything else...together. It's going to end badly. He also only comes with one sword, yet has a sheath for two. I feel a bit gypped. That being said, he does give me someone to face off against with my werewolf (who I swear is the John Rhys-Davies one from Waxwork).

I guess that means this poor nameless ninja will soon end up a part of the Lego Waxwork exhibit.
Next on the docket is another nameless minifigure who I guess is a scuba diver. He doesn't have a tank, flippers, or a boat...but he's got a scuba mask, so yeah. Scuba diver. He comes from the City toyline that Lego puts out, which is essentially Lego's "real world" line. It's for all the stuff that exists in our world rather than a fantasy one. I have a lighthouse from it. Honestly, this figure might be the most boring one. He looks nice, but he's just a guy in a wetsuit with a snorkel. The most noteworthy thing about him is that without his helmet he looks a bit like Brentalfloss.

I wish I had a Lego Javier hat for him now.
Our final minifigure is from Chima and appears to be a white wolfman of some sort. He has armour details and a cape. He looks kind of cool except...there is something really weird about him. Like his head looks like a helmet. Wait...oh sweet suffering fuck...

I...why? Why does his head come off to reveal another head? What?
So, as I said, I know almost nothing about Chima. But look at that. He has wolfman-ish paint detailing under his wolfman head. Why? HE EVEN HAS A GOLD FANG ON BOTH HEADS! I am so confused right now. I just don't know what is even going on here. I almost really like this guy beyond the fact that he creates a large amount of questions regarding his construction. Chima seems like it's scarier than I ever realized. Maybe he's an albino wookie who is pretending to be a werewolf? Well, we can't have that! Sic him, John Rhys-Davies!

"Let them come! There is one Dwarf yet in Moria who still draws breath!"
Overall, this is a pretty nice little set. If I had a major overall gripe, it'd be that only Lightning Lad's name is printed on it, which leaves me with no actual names to identify the other figures. I mean, sure, the scuba diver probably doesn't have a name but I am betting the other two are actual characters in their sets. It would have been nice to have names to go with them, you know? But, even without those, I am alright with this set. It's no Monster Fighters haunted house, but it's definitely a fun little thing and I think it's the only way to even get a Lightning Lad minifigure.

A fact that has once more made him extremely angry. I would flee.
If you love Lego stuff or just have kids and want to get them some minifigures to play with, this is a good buy. And, if nothing else, you could always just pick up the box remnants and contemplate your own existence. Welp, I think we've talked about four Lego minifigures as much as possible, so I am going to go do something else that totally doesn't involve an existential crisis. Later days, bleeders.

LIFE IS NOTHING BUT A JOKE AS WE FLOAT THROUGH AN ENDLESS VOID AWAITING ENTROPY.

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