|Let's see the Andre Toulon puppets take that bugger on.|
Yes, Charles Band seemed to be a fan of extreme size differences. Just ask Dollman or the girls from Bad Channels. But the thing is that he mainly always stuck with making small things, so this kinda surprised some folks out there. But me? I felt like it was only natural that Full Moon finally take the plunge into kaiju territory. They already had a catalogue of films that went into some many genres that I found myself just wondering why it took them so long to make their very own giant monster movie. It turned out to simply be the first of two films cranked out under their Monster Island Entertainment line, which is a shame. America doesn't have the easiest time cranking out kaiju films, what with many of us generally treating the idea of a guy in a suit wrecking a model city as something to be openly mocked rather than appreciated.
|Meanwhile I'm fairly certain that mocking a certain oft requested American film would get me death threats. Oh joy.|
|"I'll find that plot, even if I have to destroy all of Angel Grove!"|
|Yeah, I know. Just go with it.|
|Why doesn't Giantkiller just go handle this instead?|
|That's right, Tommy. You're going to be in deep doo-doo. Literally.|
|"WATCH OUT! HE MIGHT USE IT TO HOLD UP SOMETHING!"|
|Meanwhile, Zarkorr continues remodeling the USA to look more like Tokyo post-Godzilla throwdown.|
|The lair of Lewis Skolnick!|
|Highly intelligent beings...made a monster with a friggin' off-switch.|
|Who wants to vote for a guy who doesn't even get the girl in the end?|
|Reveal that he's really just obsessed with fucking the teenager next door (who he hallucinates as a pixie) and I will applaud.|
As it stands, it's a very mediocre kaiju film and there's a reason no one really talks about it. After sitting through it I can see why Full Moon only made two giant monster flicks. I still commend them for trying though and I will say I quite like the design of Zarkorr himself. He could easily fit in right alongside Godzilla's troupe of big-ass bruisers. Zarkorr! The Invader was a goofy movie and rather odd-paced at times, but ultimately the best thing I can ever say about it is that it didn't make me fall asleep like a certain other film did. So, until Toho buys the right to Zarkorr and we see the Big G take him on, I'll be here wondering what the point of tiny pixie teenage girl even was in this movie. Later days, bleeders!
|Next time someone should call Tommy Oliver instead. he has a giant dragon robot made to take these sorts of things on.|