Sunday, July 5, 2015

Top Ten Giant Monsters You've Probably Never Heard Of

Here at BGAN we love monsters of all shapes and sizes, but we especially love giant monsters. Hell, I personally dedicate an entire month every year to celebrating them, so you know I'm into that kaiju ju-ju. And there are many famous examples of giant monsters, from Godzilla to our good buddy Stay Puft up there in the banner. But what about the ones you've never heard of? The under-appreciated monsters who don't get celebrated quite as often for causing massive destruction to large cities deserve a shout-out too, don't they? Well, I personally think so! Thus, here we find ourselves doing just that as we look at my top ten giant monsters that I can guarantee a number of folks have never heard of. Enjoy!

#10, Japanese King Kong

Somewhere he's hanging out with Amelia Earhart.
Yeah, sure, you've heard of King Kong and there have been some instances of the big galoot popping up in Japan, but not this one. No, this King Kong is from a lost 1933 silent film and really only exists in memory and a few stills here and there. It's more elusive than Waldo. The sad reality is that it was likely destroyed during the bombings in World War II, making the big guy here just another sad casualty of the war. He may not exist in film form anymore, but I'll always remember reading about him. And who knows? Maybe one day we'll get access to a time machine and we can go take a peek at this film and see King Kong's Eastern cousin in all his glory.


#9, Mozlah

I wonder if her parents approve of her riding the snake at such a young age?
Godfrey Ho. What can I say that Brad Jones hasn't already? He was a man who made a career out of taking incomplete films and slapping on action movie type scenes...even when they weren't really fitting. Thunder of Gigantic Serpent is a prime example of that, featuring a bizarre plot line about an agent named Ted Fast trying to stop some guy named Solomon. the actual plot of the film centers instead on a young girl and her pet snake named Mozlah, who soon gets a lot bigger and destroys a lot of stuff to try and protect the girl. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about snakes, honestly, but Mozlah is pretty fucking cool and I would love to see this slithering kaiju get more attention.

#8, Eye Guy

I bet he spends a fortune on eyewash.
This one right here shocks me a bit and it may be a bit of a stretch, as I don't know how many people readily remember all the monsters from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I'm including him on the list because many of my friends claim to not recall him at all, which really surprised me. I mean, look at this guy! How can you not remember a guy literally made out of eyeballs? He was probably my favourite giant monster on this show and I still dig him to this day. I dream of owning his toy and adding it to my kaiju shrine so he can rub elbows with Godzilla and Ultraman Belial. others might have forgotten you, Eye Guy, but I never will.

#7, Gappa

JALAPENOS!
Back in the 60s, kaiju was the go-to thing in Japan, so every company was trying to come up with their own. The prime examples from companies Toho and Daiei were Godzilla and Gamera, being that they were the two most successful characters to emerge from the genre as a whole. Nikkatsu Corporation wanted to get in on this and came out with their own, this big guy right here with the pointy head and wings. While not the prettiest or most successful kaiju, Gappa had his moments. He got an American release and his film got replayed on various late night movie shows. Hell, there was even a cameo appearance on the British show Red Dwarf. That's a how worth checking out, by the way. And while I'm still not sure what a triphibian actually is, I do know that Gappa needs another shot. Or at least one of those neat Japanese Figma figures.

#6, Bat-Rat-Spider

Holy fuck. Look at that thing. Look at it! I am screaming internally!
The Angry Red Planet is a pretty surreal little sci-fi film that really doesn't get talked about enough. It was made in 10 days, had a pretty low budget, and had this fucking thing in it. I have seen some really interesting giant monster designs, but this one has to be one of the strangest and most creative. They tossed three animals that a lot of people are scared of in a blender and out came hell. While this movie isn't unknown to enthusiasts, I know a lot of folks who have never even bothered to watch a movie made earlier than the 70s, so it's safe to say there's a decent amount of the populace unaware of this walking nightmare. I love it. Yes, it's scary and freaky and I just want to own one. I would ride him into battle while waving my hat above me as the populace shrieked in abject horror. Good times.

#5, Supreme Evil

I don't know what you want me to say here. That card says it all.
I love the Dinosaurs Attack! line of trading cards. I love them more than Mars Attack!, the more popular sister series of cards. When Tim Burton picked one over the other, I was really disappointed. Why should I be though when we had Jurassic Park to fulfill our dinosaurs killing people quota, right? Wrong! Because in the story these cards weave, every dinosaur is out for blood, even the plant eaters. But the main reason I wanted a movie based on these cards is right here. The massive monster has no real name, so I just refer to it as if the card name is its name. It works too, because look at the bastard! It's quite literally dinosaur Satan here to feast on the souls of all the puny humans. That is inescapably wicked and the fact we didn't get to see it on the big screen shall always stick in my craw.

#4, Maguma

That's right. A giant walrus. This exists.
Oh, Japan, you spoil me so. Yes, you're not hallucinating this, there was actually a giant walrus monster in a film. Gorath was the story of some people going to collect data on Saturn but they end up getting taken to a place called Gorath. It then turns out that it's on a collision course with Earth, so an elaborate plan in made to move the Earth via rocket boosters. Really. And this ends up waking up a giant walrus monster. He's not as forgotten as some of the kaiju on this list through as he has made a couple appearances in Godzilla games. As it stands though, he's not really being tapped for merchandise and that's disappointing. Every collector deserves the chance to own a monstrous walrus creature. And I don't mean Justin Long.

#3, Gwangi

Cowboys really will try to ride anything.
The Valley of Gwangi is one of Ray Harryhausen's lesser known film contributions and it basically is about cowboys fighting dinosaurs. And one of these dinosaurs in particular is a big mean Allosaurus named Gwangi who thought the funny little men on horses looked like tasty snacks. He's not as famous as the other Harryhausen monsters like the Cyclops or the Kraken, but he's got a charm all his own. How can you not enjoy a big dinosaur that eats cowboys? Why aren't there movies about that? Get on that, Hollywood! Make Harryhausen proud! Oh, who am I kidding, they'd probably bugger it up. Well, at least we got one and ol' Gwangi here is pretty jawesome all on his own.

#2, Mogdaan

This guy is a PSA to stay out of the swamp all on his own. Alligators? Pfft! The Mogdaan will eat you!
Yeah, not all the giant monsters are from Japan and America. Britain gave us quite a few too, oftentimes in movies that weren't necessarily kaiju films. One such example is 1978's Warlords of Atlantis, which featured more than one creature causing trouble for the heroes but while the Sentinel is a cool giant octopus, it was this one that stood out as far more menacing. The Mogdaan has a face like Clovie and the Kraken had a Lovecraftian lovechild. While the movie on its own isn't bad, I couldn't help but want to see more of this big bad tearing things up. Definitely one of the coolest forgotten kaiju out there.

#1, Tendril

Speaking of Lovecraftian horrors...
For the uninitiated, Inhumanoids was a young kaiju fan in the 80s dream come true. It was about the giant monsters running amok on Earth and a group of scientists in powered suits who tried to fight them off. All of the monsters were really cool, but they one that always stuck with me was Tendril. He was a giant mass of tentacles that walked around destroying everything in his path. Tendril was also the first monster you got to see too as the creature rampaged through San Francisco. Generally he's treated like the henchman for one of the other monsters, Metlar, but I always found Tendril to be way creepier with his black eyes and red tentacle tooth things. He still gives me the heebies in the best way. Do yourself a favour and go hunt down the show so you can appreciate this mosnter in its glory.

Well, that's it for this top ten. Did you find my choices interesting or just outright hate them? Feel free to send me a line and let me know. In the meantime, I have to get back to the grind and go watch some more giant monsters make humanity their bitch. Later days, bleeders!

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