|Never forget the glory and majesty that is America and its beloved kaiju hero, Zilla Jr.!|
But, where many fans love Zilla Jr., most of us are a lot less fond of his biological parent, whom we shall refer to as Zilla (as that is what he has officially became known as). And when talking about this movie, we have to ask ourselves why it went so badly. They had a good cast, they had a good budget, and Zilla's design wasn't bad...so why does Godzilla '98 suck so badly? Well, it could be because we all got our hopes up a little too high thanks to the teaser trailer for it and the rather jawesome marketing campaign. Or it could be because Roland Emmerich made it, the guy who has admitted to not even being a Godzilla fan. The guy who made Siskel & Ebert into bumbling caricatures in this movie because he didn't like the negative reviews they game to his previous blockbusters. That's funny to me, because when I worked in art and someone responded negatively to my art, I would always strive to improve it rather than do something asinine like mock them via said art. In many ways, Roland Emmerich was the precursor to the coming of Michael Bay.
|EXPLOSIONS! CG!! WILL SMITH!!! JEW JOKES!!!!|
|What? Did you think it was about a giant lizard? Hah!|
|He studies worms.|
|"Hey, everybody! Is CATS still playing? I've heard good things!"|
I don't really want to talk about the other characters, but I'll give a quick overview. Dr. Nick's ex is a reporter, her cameraman is Hank Azaria, her boss is Harry Shearer, and the Simpsons are undoubtedly somewhere because why else would we have them in here? The ex stills things to get her way and is rather manipulative with Nick, who is still mooning over her for some reason (which includes holding onto a photo of her he leaves out on display). Nick needs to get out more, and this is coming from a guy with social anxiety who doesn't really do social interaction very often. The mayor and his aide are Ebert and Siskel, complete with puns regarding the fact that they're meant to be caricatures of the critics Emmerich hates so much. the only human characters who really matter are Dr. Nick, Jean Reno, and Colonel Hicks. It's also worth noting that those are also the actors who do the best jobs in this movie. Well, for the most part. Broderick isn't really bringing his A-game here and while many of his bad lines can be attributed to the terrible script...his delivery isn't helping things.
|I'm not going to say it. You can't make me say it. I am stronger than your memes, internet!|
|Because why have original ideas when you can just steal ones from better movies?|
|If only it had been a different dead baby.|
|"THAT'S ALL, FOLKS!"|
|"SUCK ON THAT, EMMERICH!"|
|"I really didn't appreciate that joke, sir."|