|I guess they all slept through a certain 1994 film that he starred in.|
|If you didn't think Sinbad was funny, then you're probably going to drink some bleach after watching this.|
The movie opens on the WWE Studios logo, which honestly just makes me hope that Hornswoggle will show up to murder Larry at some point, but I know better than to get my hopes up considering what a disappointment the last film I watched from them was. They can't all be Oculus or See No Evil, after all. And because this is a movie starring a comedian who has built his career around mocking those with low income, we open up to a mobile home in the woods. That just makes me hope the Sawyer clan are lurking about somewhere. What I'm saying is this movie would be a lot better if it involved a bad comedian being mutilated. But no, it's about a divorced father who doesn't have much money and is trying to keep from losing his daughter to her new stepfather. While that has the potential to be a moving and touching story, I must remind you that this movie stars the guy who made "GET 'ER DONE!" a catchphrase. We see him and his daughter waking up, which is actually a fairly nice scene. It's followed up by them ice fishing and him jamming food in his face, because he's fat and that's hilarious. Ha. Ha. HA.
|Fat jokes....how original....|
|"You know, I used to be a champion in the ring. I held multiple titles. I could break you in half."|
Larry peeks in his daughter's letter to Santa, learning that she really wants a talking bear doll that learns the kid's name. Victor, the stepfather, manages to learn this too and decides to send his chief of security around to buy up all of the bears so Larry can't have any. This comedy really doesn't seem all that funny...I mean, in the original it was funny because it was Arnold Schwarzenegger going through hell to get a toy, going to such extremes that it was beyond nonsensical. This movie though...it just seems very mean spirited. It's not due to the popularity of the toy but instead he can't find it because the rich stepfather bought them all up. This means that no one is able to get the toy for their kids too, which is especially dickish. Victor is a douche. Even by rich people standards this is bad. I think this would make Carlton Banks so upset that not even Tom Jones could cure his Christmas blues.
|"Sorry, Carlton. You're just going to have to find another toy. Maybe a Turbo Man?"|
|Which is just a pale imitation of a better scene in the original film. Larry didn't even fight a vicious gang of Santas.|
|"Wait, you mean there's more to this complex narrative?"|
|Besides, Arnold still handled crucifixion better.|
We see them the next day celebrating Christmas together and the daughter opens her presents, but seems rather unenthused about the bear doll under the tree. The two dads end up admitting to having the letter to Santa, which is how they knew what she wanted. But she tells them that what she wrote in the letter wasn't about the bear but was that she wanted her family together as one. Her sloppy writing just made it hard to read, thus creating this whole contrived mess. They all have a laugh, Larry ruins the turkey, and they decide to go out to eat. Thus ends this movie of stereotypical kid's film tropes and mean spirited competition for the affections of a innocent child.
|Yeah, kid, that last line made me uncomfortable too.|
|"My 1% sense is tingling!"|
The other strange is how it seems like the movie was written to make Larry look like he's a saint for being so selfless, with him not caring about winning an expensive trip and basically busting his ass to try and make his daughter smile. It makes the film seem almost like it's saying that all rich people are shitty and poor people are just doing their best. I'm not a big fan of rich douchery, but that doesn't mean I think all poor people are great people either. There's horrible people all over. And just because you're not rich doesn't really mean you're this hard working person who should by sympathized with either. People can be lazy asstrolls regardless of their financial standing. That being said, please feel free to donate money to the site, like my page on Facebook, subscribe to my channel on YouTube, and follow my Twitter so I can continue to talk about movies like this one.
|Does it really count as being a "sell out" when you still can't afford to buy a house?|
|"JINGAL ALL DEH VAY PART 3!"|