|We're used to waiting...we've been waiting for a long time.|
|Yeah, that's gotta be about as sticky as it looks.|
Our film centers on Bill Whitney, played by Billy Warlock (because then he never has to forget his character's name). Bill's a rich good looking guy with a best friend who will do anything for him, a "hot" girlfriend, parents who love him, and a sister who looks so good that Dougie from Satan's Little Helper would likely be confused why Bill doesn't want to marry her. But all's not perfect in his world, as he often dreams about being stalker in his own house by some sinister presence. He tells his therapist, Dr. Cleveland, about these dreams and how he feels like he's scared of his own family and even the doctor. The doc assures him it's natural and he goes on about his business. Also, his doctor looks like Arnim Zola from Captain America: The First Avenger, so I automatically don't trust him.
|Close enough for me.|
|Francis honestly feels like he belongs in a body horror film.|
|"Have I told you about my plans to put my brain into a robot body where my face appears on a screen on its chest?"|
|Picasso would have a field day.|
|Somehow I think she's no stranger to having this sort of thing occur.|
|Don't worry, Bill. It's probably just the guys from Epic Meal Time delivering an epic meal.|
|Those incestuous undertones are getting a lot more blatant.|
At Blanchard's funeral, Milo and him make the discovery that his body seems to be mostly fake, leading them to believe that he must've been torn up incredibly badly in the wreck. Or, you know, it's just fake. Petrie approaches him with the promise of information later that night, but when Bill finds him he's dead in his car and he goes to get the police. Upon returning to the scene, the car is different and Petrie's body is gone. The next day, he tries to share the news of his death but is made to look stupid when Petrie turns up alive and well. He returns home again and finds a crowd there with his parents and his doctor ends up drugging him while some paramedics take him away to the hospital where he awakes to what he thinks is Blanchard wrestling with the staff next to him. He leaves the hospital, finding that Milo followed him there only to be told he was dead, and Bill returns home to an even larger gathering of people as he is snared around the neck and restrained on the floor. He's then made aware that he was actually adopted and only raised so he could be a meal for the gathering of aristocrats around him, as they are actually a race of creatures who have lived among us for as long as we've existed. How do they go about feasting on us? Well, this is shown as they bring in Blanchard (who is still alive) as an appetizer and this right here happens.
|I imagine that this is how a Silly Putty movie would work.|
|I am convinced this entire film was built around making this one scene happen.|
|You just know someone is fapping to this right now.|
|And people wonder why I hate orgies.|