Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Phantom of the Mall: Eric's Revenge (1989)

Welcome to Horrorfest 2017! And, wow, I only got one voter over on Patreon. Not that I blame anyone, because we've have a large number of disasters lobbed at us one after another, so I don't think giving money to the dude who rambles about things is a major priority. My sole supporter got their way though, so groovy for them, yes? That's why we're going to talk about a very obscure horror film today. A horror film that stars...Pauly Shore.

"I'm here to haunt your nightmares, buhhhhhhhhhhddy."

Thursday, September 21, 2017

IT

So, I survived another hurricane, endured smelling like shit while sharing a house with insufferable people, and I somehow managed to get less hate mail for liking an adaptation of something that got me death threats when I shared my opinion on it with the director. Guess it's time to talk about that movie I was supposed to see on opening night but had to wait on because...well...a hurricane happened. And hey, it has divided opinions towards it from fickle fans! How new and different.

Click here to see if I'll float or if I'm just bloated from eating those onions.

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Death Note (2017)

Yep, I'm giving it a written review. Why? Partially because some folks legitimately wanted me to do one, because surprisingly some people do still read. I know, I was pretty shocked too. The other reason though? Because in the last 24 or so hours I got swept away in a wave of hatred from some rather extremely immature anime fans because I dared to tell director Adam Wingard that I enjoyed his adaptation. The hate wave has reached critical mass, because I woke up to not only a tweet telling me I should die but also multiple messages reinforcing that same desire.

Good thing they don't have a magical death book, I suppose.

Friday, August 25, 2017

Death Note (2017)

Man, a polarizing movie coming out and me reviewing it has become almost like a tradition here. Lucky me, we got two that were controversial for similar reasons this year, so I get to mention the other one during this review. No other way to do that than to just get to it though, so let's do that, yes?

Click here or Willem Dafoe will appear behind you & whisper horrible things in your earhole.

Monday, August 14, 2017

Top Ten Instances of Nazis Dying in Film

After the recent tragedy in which an actual Nazi killed an innocent woman, I felt so angry that I could barely function. It honestly was hard not to just go off somewhere and break things because this is where we're now at in America. Nazis are roaming the streets, feeling safe to spout their hatred, hurting people, here in the country that fought against this type of fascism in a damn war that involved most of the world. So, I sat here attempting to write a review but I couldn't. I needed something to help me work through some of this anger. Wait...Nazis get killed a lot in movies...now there's something that'd be therapeutic to talk about. Thus, here we are, counting down ten of my favourite instances of Nazis getting exactly what they deserve. Because Nazis all deserve to die.

If that offends you, you can fuck right off.

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Castlevania

Well, since people liked the idea of me binge watching a whole season and reviewing it, I did it again. But hey, baby steps, because I'm still not entirely sure my ISP isn't gonna just nuke my ability to upload anything. So, today we're taking a look at the new anime series, Castlevania, based on the classic video game series.

Click here to see a man go off on yet another weird tangent.

The Emoji Movie

Someone recently told me that I suffer so that you all don't have to. With this new release...yeah, I think I can agree with that sentiment. I saw it, for better or for much much worse. Here's a video of me collecting my thoughts on the experience.

Click here to see a very weary man.