tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-41359878634489453802024-03-04T20:17:48.223-08:00Bastard's Got a NosebleedWE RAMBLE INCOHERENTLY ABOUT MOVIES, COMICS, TOYS, CARTOONS, GAMES, AND GENERALLY GEEKY JUNKBrian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.comBlogger317125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-15496123569174461712021-04-16T05:03:00.001-07:002021-04-16T05:03:22.530-07:00Cult Worship & How I Almost Got "Cancelled"<p> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisSBjxFLsUTE27t9GMsL5dIdEwyaHd_PeODZUWJCE2rSIs90RHg26ZUo_eFfpUbGp5uDZuPkdZXtXL5GLuJT__W_11zXdkyTKqm5dmwUqKEprH98Y76ClTle-T4u077jd_FeOiLIPOdYwA/s1271/1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="714" data-original-width="1271" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisSBjxFLsUTE27t9GMsL5dIdEwyaHd_PeODZUWJCE2rSIs90RHg26ZUo_eFfpUbGp5uDZuPkdZXtXL5GLuJT__W_11zXdkyTKqm5dmwUqKEprH98Y76ClTle-T4u077jd_FeOiLIPOdYwA/w400-h225/1.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Buckle up, folks, because this one's a fuckin' ride.</i></span><br /></td></tr></tbody></table> <br />Hey, everyone, I'm still not dead but am rather stuck in the sort of existential nightmare that is known as caring for someone with dementia and Alzheimer's who routinely forgets who I am. It's a real blast. As such, I rarely (i.e. never) really find time to get anything written anymore, which has sucked immensely. Thanks to a bit of finagling, things are a little more workable for me now and I am once more traversing into this thing that I have a passion for for reasons that sometimes escape me. One of those times was fairly recently because, over on everyone's favourite hell-site Twitter, I made a comment that painted a target on me that summarily turned me into what Lindsay Ellis appropriately called "the villain of the day" because context means nothing.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqECJAZm_tYu6d7y6E8R-hMgHBr9TAw61ou0vi9ShHTARTij1HIc2zgSxsZVNX8e5lU910oGnmeX5Kqwsmb6OAmGFQTDXeLb80c8zjuWpJDDrm11Sx2hwBRTPnGB7hoaIB7E8a3-N2vYos/s1043/2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="599" data-original-width="1043" height="230" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqECJAZm_tYu6d7y6E8R-hMgHBr9TAw61ou0vi9ShHTARTij1HIc2zgSxsZVNX8e5lU910oGnmeX5Kqwsmb6OAmGFQTDXeLb80c8zjuWpJDDrm11Sx2hwBRTPnGB7hoaIB7E8a3-N2vYos/w400-h230/2.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Pictured here, a reenactment of my feelings for that two day period.</i></span><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p>Now, who here knows who a Zack Snyder is and has heard of the fabled curse item that is the "Snyder Cut"? Please, be honest with me, I can take it. Let's give this a quick rundown for the uninitiated. Zack Snyder is a director who is known for elaborate action scenes that usually involve "slow-mo" sequences and often appealing to an audience that hasn't managed to shake off puberty yet, no matter how old they get. I actually do like some of his films. I've defended Watchmen, enjoy how weird (and stupid) Sucker Punch is, and have often noted that I quite enjoy his fantasy film about owls. What I don't really enjoy are his "fans" who express a cult-like devotion to his work to the point where it seems as if they genuinely believe he's the second coming. He's not.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9n8z-LIm_aLLU053Izpj6qOm5HI6UWjzOflJVaPectQDpYJo2PTTsW2HYok2M_2XV9aonnSe_qbqI6SfZcEuITiRWYuZMhaPTvOMPlnj5h4vxFqWVLG1HOim0lt9KEGU6RFHiH5JPwVCj/s641/3.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="516" data-original-width="641" height="247" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9n8z-LIm_aLLU053Izpj6qOm5HI6UWjzOflJVaPectQDpYJo2PTTsW2HYok2M_2XV9aonnSe_qbqI6SfZcEuITiRWYuZMhaPTvOMPlnj5h4vxFqWVLG1HOim0lt9KEGU6RFHiH5JPwVCj/w411-h247/3.png" width="411" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">That was Dan Haggerty, who has already left us too soon.</span></i><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p>Anyway, the "Snyder Cut" was this thing they built as being some sort of Holy Grail of filmmaking, that being his version of Justice League, a film he never finished filming because of a private real world tragedy that he went to go deal with. That "cut" had unfinished scenes, literally no CGI, and was little more than a workprint of a film he left production of. We did get a Justice League film, which was mostly underwhelming with pretty terrible CGI, but we would never get that original cut as it never got made. But then, the last 10 years have taught us that if enough angry stupid people come together, things can indeed happen. Thus Snyder got to make his movie.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqRzK306M1m63iVsZm3z6z8p1n2nJ5K3ksoRvG2BbTT-sfAvcT1tnBTZL6ZMyVpNWY5p_r6HzCgBqvZdgYXRGVCajTQJvHeb-huuK3OSXVwzczChRyaae7TjZpYJ1PY9wBWaxeQq6KtW1Y/s1012/4.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="573" data-original-width="1012" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqRzK306M1m63iVsZm3z6z8p1n2nJ5K3ksoRvG2BbTT-sfAvcT1tnBTZL6ZMyVpNWY5p_r6HzCgBqvZdgYXRGVCajTQJvHeb-huuK3OSXVwzczChRyaae7TjZpYJ1PY9wBWaxeQq6KtW1Y/w400-h226/4.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>It's four hours long and doesn't feature a single scene of Darkseid on a couch.</i></span><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p>I'm going to be honest with you right now, I have not seen his new version of the film. Something about me having very limited time to myself to enjoy anything, let alone a four hour film I never really cared about seeing, hasn't really made me chomp at the bit to give it a watch. I guess I'm a bit too busy trying to keep a loved one from attacking other loved ones in the middle of the night, but let's move on. They did it, his fans got their movie. They should be thrilled, right? Well, if my past articles talking about geek groups based around a supposed love for a thing has told you anything, then no, they're not happy. They're hateful, spiteful pieces of shit who harass anyone who offers any sort of critique regarding the film, even after Snyder himself asking them not to do that. That's nothing new for me though, I'm used to seeing geeks bully other geeks now, sadly. Where does me being "cancelled" come in here? With a single tweet, actually.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRRf9ByKemic7uaOHjvC9vG0ksrc3v13Ys9Dph3SB3sImR822owU7RzeAd6538eTlSNYj1OSiC8Gg1FNVO3xA_rvUR7GP0WzD9JPVpeJI3_xVySdb9B_9pBN_Z_Qj9dWz2Jh40KJ05LQP1/s1201/5.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="470" data-original-width="1201" height="156" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRRf9ByKemic7uaOHjvC9vG0ksrc3v13Ys9Dph3SB3sImR822owU7RzeAd6538eTlSNYj1OSiC8Gg1FNVO3xA_rvUR7GP0WzD9JPVpeJI3_xVySdb9B_9pBN_Z_Qj9dWz2Jh40KJ05LQP1/w400-h156/5.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>The tweet that launched a nearly three day long harassment campaign against me.<br /></i></span></td></tr></tbody></table><p>I'm sure you look at that tweet of mine there, helpfully screencapped by one of my harassers for me so I can be just tad bit more lazy, and you think "wait, what?" because your brain functions on a normal level. They took this tweet, which was inspired because I saw them harassing a mutual acquaintance commonly known as Renfamous, and made the decision that I was to be dogpiled on because, somehow, my tweet was racist. Yes, really. Now, I would share some of the many examples of hatred I got based entirely around my being befuddled over some dude on Twitter who claimed all or most Snyder fans were POC, but I'm not interested in reliving that nightmare. Instead, here's something more relaxing.<br /></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-lMWuH1lWhCg2oUbWovvmdJO0LojnzSN44nckDvHk9zaWbdhr6Jc-r7JW6FGdTwC3XR6hh-XnRPmAS_lQLSFaDUQhAqg8sZYJpLZZA8IQAKZHx8l0l__hI3Ka22dgLb6fazDaNNU1Z6M1/s500/6.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="232" data-original-width="500" height="185" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-lMWuH1lWhCg2oUbWovvmdJO0LojnzSN44nckDvHk9zaWbdhr6Jc-r7JW6FGdTwC3XR6hh-XnRPmAS_lQLSFaDUQhAqg8sZYJpLZZA8IQAKZHx8l0l__hI3Ka22dgLb6fazDaNNU1Z6M1/w400-h185/6.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>No joke, this is much more relaxing for me. It's literally from my favourite film in that series.<br /></i></span></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p>Fast forward to now, thirteen days after this shitshow began and members of the Snyder Cult attempted to get me banned/ratioed/run off of Twitter via mass flagging and harassment. I'm still on Twitter, I had to run blockchain countless times to stave off the flood, and I still have very real problems to deal with that do not involve a fucking four hour version of a movie that I mostly found boring. What brought me to writing this article? Oddly enough, Lindsay Ellis did, as not too long ago she also made a tweet that was grossly taken out of context that resulted in her being harassed but this ultimately led to her giving up and simply leaving Twitter for a while altogether. While I could do that, I refuse to based entirely on one vow I made to myself when I was significantly young and smaller: I will never back down from bullies. Ever.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfKSRvpUEf-R43K_awXjwcgZ9Fyq12QAvyDkfSA_72Dzn9F6K0ErIwlZy3E_LFd83OLwfrLQpvrD2BwgDZysYNFh9FAgySRQbvu2DHhF_n5yWgg1noh1Kswj6h7bFtFj0t0wrOz2br3ItW/s1848/7.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="694" data-original-width="1848" height="199" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfKSRvpUEf-R43K_awXjwcgZ9Fyq12QAvyDkfSA_72Dzn9F6K0ErIwlZy3E_LFd83OLwfrLQpvrD2BwgDZysYNFh9FAgySRQbvu2DHhF_n5yWgg1noh1Kswj6h7bFtFj0t0wrOz2br3ItW/w400-h199/7.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Something I have long proudly displayed on my Twitter banner.<br /></i></span></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p>And make no mistake, the Snyder Cult are simply another group of bullies like ComicsGate, GamerGate, and #IStandWithVic who seek to silence anyone who speaks against their idiocy via overwhelming harassment. It may be boring tedious work, but I can delete hate mail, I can run blockchains, and I can shrug off angry idiots online calling me terrible things because I asked for a citation when they made a bold claim with zero actual evidence provided. When they called themselves provided any, it was always from biased sources or links to a few petitions that were made by POC (as if there weren't hundreds of Release the Snyder Cut petitions from white beardos). They brought nothing with them ultimately but a lot of blind hatred for a stranger. Two of the Snyder fans I encountered during this tidal wave conducted themselves in a civil manner. Two.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKENwVy_45BGoW9JrpZmLbWP1TLBU-DjX7XQ1-E3dYzcNChyrFB3wYeNwnGozygrRyaLK1mW-1HIrWkk80AFOR7VfGj3ilyBUDF4owzTZgTdOPLxLq1agr74FZSV34zxbKD6YmIgZcZzsD/s358/8.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="200" data-original-width="358" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKENwVy_45BGoW9JrpZmLbWP1TLBU-DjX7XQ1-E3dYzcNChyrFB3wYeNwnGozygrRyaLK1mW-1HIrWkk80AFOR7VfGj3ilyBUDF4owzTZgTdOPLxLq1agr74FZSV34zxbKD6YmIgZcZzsD/w400-h224/8.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Not saying that's not good, just that it's not much.<br /></span></i></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p>Throughout the whole thing, I won't lie and tell you I never got bothered because people like this tend to try and hurt you. Some of the shittier things said to me in my DMs especially stuck with me over those days and aren't things I will repeat due to how awful they are. I will say this though: none of these people are truly fans of Snyder if they're willing to be this hateful despite him asking them not to be. They seem to take glee in it, attacking other filmmakers, critics, or even other fans. I used to call myself a Zack Snyder fan but his unasked for cult destroyed that part of me and left me wanting to just enjoy his work silently, never taking any outward joy in it because to do so would be to feed them. And I want nothing more than to see them starve as a movement. Thanks, I'm gonna go do housework now because adult. Bye.<br /></p>Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-5016022915586019082020-09-25T13:25:00.004-07:002020-09-25T13:25:42.521-07:00LimToys' Aehab: Tiger Stripe A++ Version<p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoAcXhvpihze4np9vEIPlq39Qj5DZKOsCcykxBIfQKjg6j3csGYi7Tz8wcebk6fhAZiuQP_OitJA_XuLhiL1kK_0znuaLNH7uzVaTV_RQ8j9ey-xVT3x5m848SXuuhAoi7kNVy2Ru_1sZr/s1122/1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="704" data-original-width="1122" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoAcXhvpihze4np9vEIPlq39Qj5DZKOsCcykxBIfQKjg6j3csGYi7Tz8wcebk6fhAZiuQP_OitJA_XuLhiL1kK_0znuaLNH7uzVaTV_RQ8j9ey-xVT3x5m848SXuuhAoi7kNVy2Ru_1sZr/w400-h251/1.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Nobody tell Konami shit.</i></span><br /></td></tr></tbody></table>Hey, we're back with another toy rundown/review/whatever the hell this is, and it's actually something brand new again. What you're looking at here is totally not a figure based on a character from an iconic video game franchise that is dead due to a certain infamous company deciding to focus almost entirely on gambling machines after fucking over their most beloved developer who broke off to form his own company. What is it though?</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMJtUwBZ-OPA0FRPMfPYt0hVlNYDkjr4NvY_zJlMaL0FmB2OJCJ-GsbtBou_5NHSHMcshju7PWmLdFXZwTFXcokshKKEpRCBu4IxrO31MWDMbxHjvCQJilWdj_0MJ7GjZdyJkNDFfm1VS8/s1126/2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="684" data-original-width="1126" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMJtUwBZ-OPA0FRPMfPYt0hVlNYDkjr4NvY_zJlMaL0FmB2OJCJ-GsbtBou_5NHSHMcshju7PWmLdFXZwTFXcokshKKEpRCBu4IxrO31MWDMbxHjvCQJilWdj_0MJ7GjZdyJkNDFfm1VS8/w400-h243/2.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Well, for starters, it's apparently a chocking hazard. Whatever the fuck that is.</i></span><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p>But seriously, this right here is a third party figure based on a fairly obvious source material and it is loaded to the gills, despite it not being the best version of this release. Why not the S++ release? I am not rich nor am I being gifted this product by the company, that's why. Anyway, this is part of new trend over these last several years towards making high-end 1/12 scale figures with tons of accessories and realistic clothing. This is also the first figure of this sort I have ever laid hands upon.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR5rooJ1_4JxNy7pT1cII82jBUIYiq-fqDLH92Jqzc_b2uwM7uwtBWsin4slXUwSyfxzG7LjxPdz0orfePTD7oLn9wDwBavX8536EF3_D60utzigFQCxCKnBVISuxH3Dq4yY4LqbbmsP6J/s1006/3.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="670" data-original-width="1006" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR5rooJ1_4JxNy7pT1cII82jBUIYiq-fqDLH92Jqzc_b2uwM7uwtBWsin4slXUwSyfxzG7LjxPdz0orfePTD7oLn9wDwBavX8536EF3_D60utzigFQCxCKnBVISuxH3Dq4yY4LqbbmsP6J/w400-h266/3.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>I am going to lose so many pieces, holy shit.</i></span><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p>First impressions after popping this thing open are that it's really nice looking. Yep, that's the kind of critical analysis you all come to me for, clearly. But yeah, there's our boy, all nestled comfortably in his plastic bedding, waiting to be poked and prodded much like an awkward teenage boy at prom. Let's get to it then before I run out of terrible analogies.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSF41HvAq4rRQqM7VmmRbZjpnkpYwlsHeIpLTV62csJ8qRT0GPpBQKhhJiO8tieS_Vd_moas1U4Tg4eLVwpB0_YmYte-RCAdSXfOH0s0AzW3LgxH1tOcibPKhOI433j5vM6gnx_YwQJLFf/s1265/4.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="705" data-original-width="1265" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSF41HvAq4rRQqM7VmmRbZjpnkpYwlsHeIpLTV62csJ8qRT0GPpBQKhhJiO8tieS_Vd_moas1U4Tg4eLVwpB0_YmYte-RCAdSXfOH0s0AzW3LgxH1tOcibPKhOI433j5vM6gnx_YwQJLFf/w400-h223/4.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Like that'll ever happen.</span></i><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p>Focusing on the obvious right out of the gate, these accessories are going to be a problem. Like, it's great to have options, truly, but I have big stupid hands and there's some truly itty bitty pieces here that I guaranfuckingtee are disappearing into the ether after I dare to lay hands upon them. He literally has three different sized pieces of shrapnel for his head to recreate the shrapnel horn.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0JgG6shOr1PnXJF8bh9Ls6i-CZA-aNb7X9qDxDsohw19Hslbnp4h5FclnZmqyGgSmWzIDijAqbcCq61yvLTRcq9fwE7CmmEK87bhUlqA-LwvTU2_Jc2Qi-9mylEnyT0f8cx4iuQ3qYTsX/s1105/5.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="665" data-original-width="1105" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0JgG6shOr1PnXJF8bh9Ls6i-CZA-aNb7X9qDxDsohw19Hslbnp4h5FclnZmqyGgSmWzIDijAqbcCq61yvLTRcq9fwE7CmmEK87bhUlqA-LwvTU2_Jc2Qi-9mylEnyT0f8cx4iuQ3qYTsX/w400-h241/5.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>No joke, that middle shrapnel horn? It's gone now. It flew into the air and disappeared forever.</i></span><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p>To say that it's a problem is an understatement. Moving on though, the articulation on this figure is stellar. He can pose in most any pose I want, although getting him to crouch under a box is a problem for me, personally. He really just does not want to stay balanced under there. Oh, did I not mention that this set does indeed come with a box that you can fold up for him to hide in? Because it does.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeoTywlSJhLjh7N2bVD8IUg0x8MaNGC8WE1v-_t37DwVOrTNlPbMhHL-pyHqlCsNwVEe7fq3CaBJz71siJwTTzcpl3kqjGy5sKYNLGD5c2Frm0Zds-ZuPrDuLXFVnCcLKUhhHxLDumTH-6/s1127/6.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="688" data-original-width="1127" height="244" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeoTywlSJhLjh7N2bVD8IUg0x8MaNGC8WE1v-_t37DwVOrTNlPbMhHL-pyHqlCsNwVEe7fq3CaBJz71siJwTTzcpl3kqjGy5sKYNLGD5c2Frm0Zds-ZuPrDuLXFVnCcLKUhhHxLDumTH-6/w400-h244/6.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Taking this one picture of him inside of it took an embarrassingly long time.</span></i><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p>He has double elbows and knees, at least as best I can tell through the clothing that I am absolutely never removing. The sculpting on his face, hands, arms, and boots is marvelous. The hands and boots are made of fairly flexible yet durable material that comes off easily yet doesn't simply fall off, so that's good. The boots he comes attached with are one solid piece, which is troublesome for posing, but there's a separated variant pair in the package as well that can replace them. He also has extra bits to scale him slightly taller so he can better stand next to some of your bigger 1/12 scale figures.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHQS15UTb0tijYHHqG1QM-1NwBH_YtDSpQFmhk3krsR7XN2G5JA4jr1rB4wVIBomVZc4hAXW_pFhQhwCYut6fqyJW_JZtDkEfONTfQlx1D0xxck-nC7NMFvtSq8dyilC45smDIq7iaAysx/s925/7.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="564" data-original-width="925" height="244" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHQS15UTb0tijYHHqG1QM-1NwBH_YtDSpQFmhk3krsR7XN2G5JA4jr1rB4wVIBomVZc4hAXW_pFhQhwCYut6fqyJW_JZtDkEfONTfQlx1D0xxck-nC7NMFvtSq8dyilC45smDIq7iaAysx/w400-h244/7.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Which doesn't help all that much next to things of that Marvel Legends scale, honestly.</i></span><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p>Ultimately, he's gonna scale best next to things like Figma or SH Figuarts rather than the larger scale western 1/12 figures, which may be quite disappointing to everyone who was looking to have him posed with their G.I. Joe Classified Series figures. The clothing on him is both technically and visually impressive, looking fairly natural even at such a small scale. I especially am impressed with the various straps. As far as weapons go, he has a decent amount, despite this not being the S++ version. Three different guns (a rifle, a sub-machine gun, and a pistol), two of which can be stashed on his person via a holster for the pistol and a magnet for the rifle. I generally prefer the rifle, as far as posing goes.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgmgWB4rn0sGJycYVshGK3-PPcr7VZmWpeBMqA7FuHiJc0rVsoBI_whzzAww0dcFzfaHNvEoEERT5UXPQZJTI13JzbGqu4CVkBsfcmyfhlhcOKzKHjJzqZO8CfdHllhwOwy_sNA-EkKJ6t/s1125/8.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="730" data-original-width="1125" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgmgWB4rn0sGJycYVshGK3-PPcr7VZmWpeBMqA7FuHiJc0rVsoBI_whzzAww0dcFzfaHNvEoEERT5UXPQZJTI13JzbGqu4CVkBsfcmyfhlhcOKzKHjJzqZO8CfdHllhwOwy_sNA-EkKJ6t/w400-h260/8.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Here he is doing his best impression of a Trump supporter. Just kidding, they have terrible trigger discipline.</i></span><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p>As you can see in the image above, there are hands that are essentially made for things like holding the rifle. There's even a hand that is supposed to hold the lit cigar that comes with this set but damned if I can manage to make that work in any sort of natural way. But it certainly exists, so there's that. Sadly, there is no hand to point the pistol straight, which means posing him with his pistol out is always gonna look more awkward than a guy who graduated from high school 3 years ago who still comes to school to hang out with students.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZJ8ydLiJZMo-Z1Fh-lFaDPWLq4_S3GfHkJ9efllfTryrdUil8CUyN_t9ewsL2LP7tZeDj0sVq2xkdwmccAtUOs64teTqFZAV7tISYljBI5rLexNYSYIeg4uIztXbZzzwQowMEIf7ViSPO/s1098/9.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="691" data-original-width="1098" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZJ8ydLiJZMo-Z1Fh-lFaDPWLq4_S3GfHkJ9efllfTryrdUil8CUyN_t9ewsL2LP7tZeDj0sVq2xkdwmccAtUOs64teTqFZAV7tISYljBI5rLexNYSYIeg4uIztXbZzzwQowMEIf7ViSPO/w400-h251/9.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Alright, alright, I'll stop. Please don't tranq me and send me back to Mother Base.</i></span><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p>As far as other stuff goes, he also come with his little computer thing that totally doesn't have a name Konami can sue anyone over the use of, a pair of goggles for use during sandstorms, night vision goggles for when he's looking to forcibly abduct new recruits at night, and a nice little gas mask. They're fairly simple to get on but I can't help feeling like I may break them. The regular goggles are a bit loose too, so that's a bit on the disappointing side.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidVBSH26fINk477BJnf6UiHQF50lplNT3wg5xa34cO3dsTwh6Iz5dylNbZNEwjMJMLWfd0Gupi7_o_fE9yDlZk0iTjHILQtWETyvVK_laH1F9eUmkI-0a0P71GAx1lZSPT6zb1Nj7zCDX4/s1271/10.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="661" data-original-width="1271" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidVBSH26fINk477BJnf6UiHQF50lplNT3wg5xa34cO3dsTwh6Iz5dylNbZNEwjMJMLWfd0Gupi7_o_fE9yDlZk0iTjHILQtWETyvVK_laH1F9eUmkI-0a0P71GAx1lZSPT6zb1Nj7zCDX4/w400-h208/10.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>At least he looks good in all three though.</i></span><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p>So, getting down to it, should you buy this figure? Well, that ultimately depends on how big of a fan you are of this totally original character Aehab here. It's a good representation of the character with a lot of options for posing, holding items, and just generally look cool. Odds are, if that sounds good to you, then you've already decided whether it's for you or not. Overall, I do not regret adding it to my own collection and I think it'd make a cool addition to anyone's personal collection. Just remember the scale issues.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7woEyztY_nywA0v6yrH6-VyLIo-lOP5iZcFhrEtZd9ETF8SSJBASv0uWbpYxCxLLVNhOlhh-Ce3pfJx79k_iUH2Q7ioWNgitgDkXo_RGgwvI97L7h3RhgjyOeo_Hp-MJffwfGDMh5w8ve/s1021/11.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="1021" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7woEyztY_nywA0v6yrH6-VyLIo-lOP5iZcFhrEtZd9ETF8SSJBASv0uWbpYxCxLLVNhOlhh-Ce3pfJx79k_iUH2Q7ioWNgitgDkXo_RGgwvI97L7h3RhgjyOeo_Hp-MJffwfGDMh5w8ve/w400-h251/11.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Peace out, bleeders.</span></i><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p><br /></p>Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-662135922072557822020-09-14T11:31:00.004-07:002020-09-14T11:31:34.944-07:00Profit Director Destro<p> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT8mmjWVITqGQlhMGNy3ExHy_8jb1VJviBH1LidT_xT2SBApVhMwO6Ro4h3IkkPmm7W9_lKwaRalQcZYSIP4oG_gEyDINWEyvcy2-IQLRThb-cMoUuZz9DuWEhxmQU33theRazcSv1eGnx/s967/1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="671" data-original-width="967" height="278" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT8mmjWVITqGQlhMGNy3ExHy_8jb1VJviBH1LidT_xT2SBApVhMwO6Ro4h3IkkPmm7W9_lKwaRalQcZYSIP4oG_gEyDINWEyvcy2-IQLRThb-cMoUuZz9DuWEhxmQU33theRazcSv1eGnx/w400-h278/1.PNG" title="Because dropping the "pimp" from his title while retaining the leopard print will surely make us forget." width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i><span style="font-family: arial;">Because dropping the "pimp" from his title while retaining the leopard print will surely make us forget.</span></i></span><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: arial;"> Behold, I have done the unthinkable and now own a 1/12 scale G.I. Joe figure. I swore to myself I never would and yet here we are, with me going over a variant of everyone's favourite arms dealer who realistically exists in more of a morally gray area than being a straight-up villain. I'm not gonna lie, the fact that this is an homage to the 25th Anniversay Pimp Daddy Destro figure is largely the only reason I own this. I mean, just look at it.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikal1r2rXRDac8VDOhaOKGofRf7EhN-wmGakPXjCbVqIYHRr0doIawumdkGdu7Ev8zjuctZo7wg_ys19vrL-AYPnIvM8UTl1ylEAfcjBo4oljJqejzkbgdjAMcF3sChSKhyphenhyphengTpwaEcLnWa/s995/2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="623" data-original-width="995" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikal1r2rXRDac8VDOhaOKGofRf7EhN-wmGakPXjCbVqIYHRr0doIawumdkGdu7Ev8zjuctZo7wg_ys19vrL-AYPnIvM8UTl1ylEAfcjBo4oljJqejzkbgdjAMcF3sChSKhyphenhyphengTpwaEcLnWa/w400-h250/2.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>I T ' S S U C H A N A E S T H E T I C .</i></span><br /></td></tr></tbody></table>I am nothing if not a slave to the neon 80s/90s aesthetic and this thing is drenched in it. It's genuinely pleasant to look at, despite my terrible photography skills and even worse camera. His decked out gold mask, the leopard print cape draped over his wine-coloured skintight bodysuit with leopard print accents, and those fucking shades. I feel like this toy was made for me. And yes, I know he looks a bit more purple in that picture, but that's because I tweaked it to make it look slightly less shitty.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3HBd7sPyFwXzOzc47ZdBb3K7ptroQRHvoUNZm272vv9yklNIzvk9OFaIVCqXZFB4lMHiVK8ebyU4xvOXXQmJCKuC1r6xl8PkBjpcfPAwTFIpunMZHjFgAEN6TkfNsIU1KY5uUpJuNVVtC/s996/3.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="996" height="258" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3HBd7sPyFwXzOzc47ZdBb3K7ptroQRHvoUNZm272vv9yklNIzvk9OFaIVCqXZFB4lMHiVK8ebyU4xvOXXQmJCKuC1r6xl8PkBjpcfPAwTFIpunMZHjFgAEN6TkfNsIU1KY5uUpJuNVVtC/w400-h258/3.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>See? Much less purple. Sorry, Grimace fans.</i></span><br /></td></tr></tbody></table></span>As a figure, he's quite solidly constructed. Not as many joints as say a MAFEX or Figma, but he's got enough for some proper posing. The problem is that his hard cape make it hard to do too much with it on. It's a right bitch and generally cuts off any shoulder articulation from being accessible. That's a shame too because he has butterfly joints at the shoulders, meaning he can move those arms in a lot of positions without the cape on.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9JthSTjFydVjmb7rBgn6r1_NWayODhfxDF5qQ7fUouej839jsXzK_5p4oh_ET-r2Z6AQiFmp9ZmMOzkWzukkv-jrP3JxYTbiR5JrZPH37xJ-Ja9yQHjF848CBfF8qUavKBXLkoUIFfB-D/s997/4.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="647" data-original-width="997" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9JthSTjFydVjmb7rBgn6r1_NWayODhfxDF5qQ7fUouej839jsXzK_5p4oh_ET-r2Z6AQiFmp9ZmMOzkWzukkv-jrP3JxYTbiR5JrZPH37xJ-Ja9yQHjF848CBfF8qUavKBXLkoUIFfB-D/w400-h260/4.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>He can even do that stupid titled "gangsta" pose with his gun for full ridiculous effect.</i></span><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p>The leopard print on him is done nicely, but I can't help but wish he had a bit more of it/ Like, maybe some on the shoulders under the cape where textured area is? That'd look quite nice, I think. He also has these gold accents on his boots, wrist bands, which goes nicely with the golden mask, gun, and chain. But again, I can't but wish for more, for example some gold on the knee armour and belt.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF439V5cS9clu3co_1nDaBUs8fYyd78TTS1O7PUsZrayUQDjvFr7DNHotA7vl6BVh8zc5lIju5KzTkJRepqwZnCUjR4qIFK_KrGAVN2TOhB7RHu_0V7OiomclslUWdYlIMfEvrpScLh3lm/s986/5.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="578" data-original-width="986" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF439V5cS9clu3co_1nDaBUs8fYyd78TTS1O7PUsZrayUQDjvFr7DNHotA7vl6BVh8zc5lIju5KzTkJRepqwZnCUjR4qIFK_KrGAVN2TOhB7RHu_0V7OiomclslUWdYlIMfEvrpScLh3lm/w400-h235/5.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Even the boots feel like they use a bit more of something. Bling this motherfucker out, Hasbro!</i></span><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p>He has a very nicely sculpted body and the leg holster has some nice details as well, but once more it is hurt because of a lack of paint. Hell, it's even worse on the holster as it has literally no paint on it, just being cast in a bright red flexible plastic. Overall, he just feels like he needs more paint. While I can certainly fix that issue myself (and most definitely will) I'm talking about the figure as is out of the box. But where he lacks a lot of potential paint accents, he has a number of great accessories.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp2KO-LIW2nxDNSGePOfvAQXstl7xzfVSttmlsd6auHy9yV3dTCqzphzyvec6DNBeeCOrCmSc9DUAPSBVWVrpfUfYz7cPIFa6JaCXd8HNcfrKuJrEkvWbggsZQCoP1p2aZDMWb_5KJ9lpo/s984/6.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="580" data-original-width="984" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp2KO-LIW2nxDNSGePOfvAQXstl7xzfVSttmlsd6auHy9yV3dTCqzphzyvec6DNBeeCOrCmSc9DUAPSBVWVrpfUfYz7cPIFa6JaCXd8HNcfrKuJrEkvWbggsZQCoP1p2aZDMWb_5KJ9lpo/w400-h236/6.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Dude literally has money to burn.</span></i><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p>Not to beat an already beaten-to-death horse, but once again these could be improved with more paint. The money in the case could have a print of some kind of it or even a sticker on the screen inside the case. But no, just solid colours. At lest the burning cash has a sculpted pattern in it that can be brought out better with a paint wash. I wouldn't complain about this except for the fact that this is a more expensive figure that the basic Destro, so it should have a bit more effort to make it pop for the money you pay for it.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZvNhGP1sKVn8kR79_cijwfRX92l5I750d79NM5b8wrWC2cgKS8E_-c4HzUV4SDKX_YGy27sn4Fhr3IGPktCXePAojMqxxjOV_R9QlodPA52ro5MxcFh6JJQ6eixqzzwNqMTV540l3Fg0V/s1124/7.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="676" data-original-width="1124" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZvNhGP1sKVn8kR79_cijwfRX92l5I750d79NM5b8wrWC2cgKS8E_-c4HzUV4SDKX_YGy27sn4Fhr3IGPktCXePAojMqxxjOV_R9QlodPA52ro5MxcFh6JJQ6eixqzzwNqMTV540l3Fg0V/w400-h240/7.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Still, he looks really cool holding that burning cash bundle.</i></span><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p>The only other gripes I have are some spotty paint apps on his butt/thigh area and his hands, which are a bit too hard. Getting his burning wad of cash in his left hand was a chore and getting his golden gun in his right hand wasn't much better. I appreciate them not being too rubbery but they feel almost too far in the other direction here and I fear I am going to break something prying them open.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWmi9hRNpCaYaoSzCKDUdsDTAxC1dHb7k5xWazcrRZkZzf-5LaQQY8Ur7hNQVKbbPiwHJGiX8xYsoLdoCzsPtYhUQFsVT-RLhUS4Ys7mCRxMhP09G8zvBuq3rFyXzJPSizzmswBnLbvVvY/s997/8.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="635" data-original-width="997" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWmi9hRNpCaYaoSzCKDUdsDTAxC1dHb7k5xWazcrRZkZzf-5LaQQY8Ur7hNQVKbbPiwHJGiX8xYsoLdoCzsPtYhUQFsVT-RLhUS4Ys7mCRxMhP09G8zvBuq3rFyXzJPSizzmswBnLbvVvY/w400-h255/8.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>He's got a nice ass though.<br /></i></span></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i></i></span><p>As someone who wasn't really interested in collecting 1/12 scale G.I. Joes at all, this figure hasn't really changed my mind. While I don't dislike the figure, which is unmistakably a beautifully constructed representation of the laird of arms, I still would much rather see it in 1/18 scale, as that will always be my preferred scale (especially in regards to G.I. Joe in particular).</p><p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2mKMABT6zRQUesq2sN5wlkQeYaExFZX4p4jTX42YEOGsp15vkyAz2gRuefHrZ-Lx_aSaiAvhfMdt7ziCtP39xAdEf6L3ArcdK4J4TYINnWRjgT-V22LrEcp-pCyQZLFAXiyfpcJI_qCHF/s995/9.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="672" data-original-width="995" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2mKMABT6zRQUesq2sN5wlkQeYaExFZX4p4jTX42YEOGsp15vkyAz2gRuefHrZ-Lx_aSaiAvhfMdt7ziCtP39xAdEf6L3ArcdK4J4TYINnWRjgT-V22LrEcp-pCyQZLFAXiyfpcJI_qCHF/w400-h270/9.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"Who am I? I'm you, but better because I'm in the proper scale. I like the leopard print though."</i></span><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br />So, if you're into the 1/12 scale and think this looks up your alley, it's not a bad purchase currently at $29.99. I don't recommend at secondary market prices though, as those are likely to get really stupid very quickly. So yeah, guess that's all I've got. Later.</p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbO9MF7LERBJvqL3KvWkLF59RKzKqs_ji6pwemRYjIi26bJSQg1SxY1j98hvV7mPsD2J4gOouKOLTIsk9zAw0j9VTxeGAvrRjI5_wTw8HjnrNw47aRwBJGtUQdImY5eLYyLFSoZrnKreHl/s996/10.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="633" data-original-width="996" height="254" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbO9MF7LERBJvqL3KvWkLF59RKzKqs_ji6pwemRYjIi26bJSQg1SxY1j98hvV7mPsD2J4gOouKOLTIsk9zAw0j9VTxeGAvrRjI5_wTw8HjnrNw47aRwBJGtUQdImY5eLYyLFSoZrnKreHl/w400-h254/10.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"Peace out, bitches."</i></span><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p><br /></p>Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-41642684439919966532020-03-29T10:22:00.004-07:002020-09-13T09:30:24.795-07:00E.F.S.A. Aviation School Armed Amy (Planet Green Valley)<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJkaJdxSZhf3qn40mdFj7U0nOsaYV4dMvFw4r5k1eWo2bNxCheoNdz7w92-3a_w595IJ4T1ewCenWc3w5AfjgR9wpi1btNCNr5CuZzRqrDI59Z0MMt51RwIAAuVAPW3e5Dmp2dkE2i9lcS/s1600/1.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="682" data-original-width="1106" height="246" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJkaJdxSZhf3qn40mdFj7U0nOsaYV4dMvFw4r5k1eWo2bNxCheoNdz7w92-3a_w595IJ4T1ewCenWc3w5AfjgR9wpi1btNCNr5CuZzRqrDI59Z0MMt51RwIAAuVAPW3e5Dmp2dkE2i9lcS/s400/1.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Insert hilarious jokes about this toy giving me Coronavirus here!</i></span></td></tr>
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Yes, since it seems like people like me rambling on about toys and I've done more than my fair share of movie reviews, I felt like we should take some time really hash out some of the new figures I've decided to welcome into my home for one reason or another. And, as promised in the last toy review, this one is from a new player in the game. For all the 1/18 scale enthusiasts out there, like me, it's been a bit rough since G.I. Joe dried up due to Hasbro not really giving much of a shit. Which, if we're being entirely honest here, is something we should've seen coming after the rather ho-hum 50th Anniversary wave was made not only the exclusive to a dead toy store but also consisted almost exclusively of old parts slapped together with the occasional new head sculpt and terrible paint applications.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj22za40u4gD1Ee7WhzWAAEVYamcCUyBSnFEGl9IOQMXdPjYjqPCnL5VJryJH2FS7ilaPSOURwqnvVqkdYIOJahW1rohfEFi4gwlLxzuoBibHsJ6IEzUE5-lIAyqedOZ3UUGuXEuYsFcyN_/s1600/2.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="679" data-original-width="1230" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj22za40u4gD1Ee7WhzWAAEVYamcCUyBSnFEGl9IOQMXdPjYjqPCnL5VJryJH2FS7ilaPSOURwqnvVqkdYIOJahW1rohfEFi4gwlLxzuoBibHsJ6IEzUE5-lIAyqedOZ3UUGuXEuYsFcyN_/s400/2.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Sorry, not sorry.</i></span></td></tr>
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As such, it mostly fell to other companies to scratch that 1/18 scale itch for us, to varying degrees of quality. Yes, we will be exploring some offerings from other such companies later. For now though, let's take a look at Amy's packaging, as that's new so it's worth remarking about at least once, right? First, I want to say I like the overall design. It hearkens back to an older era but has the added bonus of not using glue, thus allowing for her card not to be destroyed utterly as rip the bubble from it. It's attached with strategic staples and slides off. Very nice. And the back? It has a giant wordy bio about what Planet Green Valley's lore basically is.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVn51-H9m5Cln7n3uPKWofepLxwa8RAKTAxKF0Hb3jlxuAseUpzAHWaZfxZOIPJNzDjXuEc-ZNLcQi3yF1MmN25RiNBR57tWys9abYIPzi8vWVBgfCd9h27uzscU6Intd84-X-IPSM2pHF/s1600/3.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="731" data-original-width="1120" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVn51-H9m5Cln7n3uPKWofepLxwa8RAKTAxKF0Hb3jlxuAseUpzAHWaZfxZOIPJNzDjXuEc-ZNLcQi3yF1MmN25RiNBR57tWys9abYIPzi8vWVBgfCd9h27uzscU6Intd84-X-IPSM2pHF/s400/3.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>It's deep, it's sci-fi, it exists.</i></span></td></tr>
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What immediately caught me off guard at first though is likely something you already noticed at the start though, that being the art of Amy herself. It is clearly a traced photo of the figure wearing a bunch of (not all) of its kit. I like that they tried to incorporate art of the character but it ultimately looks kinda cheap, honestly. I would've preferred no art to this and I'm not only saying that because it is ultimately a Photoshop traced action figure. For what it is, it's nicely traced, but there's no getting around what it is. That being said, let's free her from her plastic prison and see what we're working with.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr9HrBACtZe0Ea4GWTGxPNXlLRWRreQjDOg_8lBXOe8-0_W4jM9DsBLhnK2zAOzK8UsYOWYvd8YKPnIem6x77kqTJaBervHoaa1Q_hgNy_AAkLmH0Lc706ffuRJUDOgauk5qxr6kuGb08N/s1600/4.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="718" data-original-width="1119" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr9HrBACtZe0Ea4GWTGxPNXlLRWRreQjDOg_8lBXOe8-0_W4jM9DsBLhnK2zAOzK8UsYOWYvd8YKPnIem6x77kqTJaBervHoaa1Q_hgNy_AAkLmH0Lc706ffuRJUDOgauk5qxr6kuGb08N/s400/4.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Because she really looks a bit sad in there. Like she's experiencing deep regret after paying to see Joker in theaters. I feel you, Amy. I really do.</i></span></td></tr>
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Out of the package she's a right mess of bits and bobs all over. Tons of pieces to put on her in various ways. All of the pieces are amazingly well sculpted, looking bloody brilliant in hand. But alas, not all is well in our land as I found actually getting stuff on her to a literal fight. No joke, I hurt my hand attacked her arm armour pad thing because it such a stiff piece already being pulled tightly over more stiff plastic. It's a yikes-a-rama for all those hoping to get all her gear on her as it simply isn't gonna happen without some seriously work.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvmGBOnSeGa5xJ1g4jFq8jF-1w9dSen159GeEkns7Fs_WUU1kPAzXWuPCc_iCLsJMFeuJ2fJ7hQ3RreEB-buk3VuIy6nO1breZIeImiRWdyq7IWAa6GsRCQXmm4oITO3vUSKrtLDgOmhRF/s1600/5.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="630" data-original-width="1081" height="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvmGBOnSeGa5xJ1g4jFq8jF-1w9dSen159GeEkns7Fs_WUU1kPAzXWuPCc_iCLsJMFeuJ2fJ7hQ3RreEB-buk3VuIy6nO1breZIeImiRWdyq7IWAa6GsRCQXmm4oITO3vUSKrtLDgOmhRF/s400/5.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>This is quite literally all I could get on her. That's it.</i></span></td></tr>
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Her mask barely stays on, her vest doesn't want to fasten, getting the kneepads on along with the legs holsters feels like a lost cause, her two scarves will not fit on while wearing the vest, and she has this little wire that I have no clue where goes so I just kinda had to figure something out. It's more than a bit disappointing, really, as I was super excited by the promo images of her in all her kit looking like a commando schoolgirl ready to take on whatever. Instead I'm just left with a lot of kibble that just won't work together.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsfpcx5oHq-zzio9RhgpRpF81wFW2QTey2ZM_K-tUuY9W8gEXOFt4Npd3UGBZHaJ3J3IGda23TXwm81msKHmsmeFlwM7UmmyCq5Gs2vAYrv3e5XlWXiwvWswmbFM2fxc_mmnrkLF89w54t/s1600/6.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="690" data-original-width="1101" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsfpcx5oHq-zzio9RhgpRpF81wFW2QTey2ZM_K-tUuY9W8gEXOFt4Npd3UGBZHaJ3J3IGda23TXwm81msKHmsmeFlwM7UmmyCq5Gs2vAYrv3e5XlWXiwvWswmbFM2fxc_mmnrkLF89w54t/s400/6.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>I mean, look at all the pieces I have to leave laying aside. Just call it dogfood because that's a heap of Kibbles 'n Bits.</i></span></td></tr>
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The figure itself is very nicely sculpted though, which should be obvious from the photos. She's capable of quite a bit of dynamic posing and her skirt is surprisingly flexible while still feeling rather durable. As you see above, she does have alternate hands you can swap, which pop out easily enough that I don't feel like I'm gonna break them but stay in tightly enough that I don't fear them falling out. She does have a feature I was a bit off-put by though, that being her thong. Yes, Action Amy her is sporting a white thong.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh48FnPgLIc6BLMbay5h5PXA2D4dU2rUXuc0oC2q-y02UeXvj5TKWgjF8OpJR7H07nKLBlm04OxZDxYakuljBj5HZIroHsuJwulZRHpByUUpHhZuK1S1G3Z586VT3U4H5y3lJ-RbH5vQHg6/s1600/7.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="654" data-original-width="1070" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh48FnPgLIc6BLMbay5h5PXA2D4dU2rUXuc0oC2q-y02UeXvj5TKWgjF8OpJR7H07nKLBlm04OxZDxYakuljBj5HZIroHsuJwulZRHpByUUpHhZuK1S1G3Z586VT3U4H5y3lJ-RbH5vQHg6/s400/7.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Is this going to be a thing in this line? Because I'm more than a little uncomfortable.</i></span></td></tr>
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Alien fighting combat gear thongs aside, she's a well constructed figure but the issues with her accessories are really the only thing keeping me from making her a solid recommendation for anyone other that customizers who will surely get use out of all of it regardless of whether she can wear it. Not gonna lie, I actually pretty much bought her for that very reason, as I am a customizer. If she looks and sounds like something you'd want to invest your money in, go for it. Just be careful, the kibble can hurt like a bitch.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZPeZKyB_k7mWqeq654vmadopJr1T0DSDvX614xJ8QqVL9fwZQbNq14vIrIiiKH-8DIOP3j0tzjKFXBGzf8JOrV3xk7lN6dA1yOmgEEf8IY2pxXH9zKE702-17DhJcsOZu_ZhewvrvXpIg/s1600/8.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="650" data-original-width="1058" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZPeZKyB_k7mWqeq654vmadopJr1T0DSDvX614xJ8QqVL9fwZQbNq14vIrIiiKH-8DIOP3j0tzjKFXBGzf8JOrV3xk7lN6dA1yOmgEEf8IY2pxXH9zKE702-17DhJcsOZu_ZhewvrvXpIg/s400/8.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>And seriously, where does this wire go?! REVEAL YOUR SECRETS, AMY!</i></span></td></tr>
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<br />Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-83880911035507798062020-01-27T17:42:00.002-08:002020-01-27T17:42:56.957-08:00Joker Wasn't a Good Film<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-CewhyXNxPk47yRoSYUMktQa4vBzfQ3lB1nu1pSZgYdAGUMWbf3ycwd99Covh5GKHIrf5dGwrqSir9Xv_5-rO0LF3Eoo2f3JyTI69E7T_U_uz5Rz7yt7dRGuUangi-9aGeHuaTYz7N6sS/s1600/1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="528" data-original-width="955" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-CewhyXNxPk47yRoSYUMktQa4vBzfQ3lB1nu1pSZgYdAGUMWbf3ycwd99Covh5GKHIrf5dGwrqSir9Xv_5-rO0LF3Eoo2f3JyTI69E7T_U_uz5Rz7yt7dRGuUangi-9aGeHuaTYz7N6sS/s400/1.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>That's right, I'm back to piss off all the right people again. Business as usual.</i></span></td></tr>
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The year is 2020 and we've got a lot of problems. But, since I'm a guy who talks about pop culture shit, let's focus on a problem that is actually related to things I know enough about to sound off with any kind of accuracy or validity. Let's talk comics, movies...hell, let's talk about a comic book movie. Specifically, let's talk about that damn clown film from the jackass who made the Hangover trilogy, Old School, and Road Trip. Yeah, that Road Trip. The one with Tom Green being weirdly sexual with a snake, jokes about black college students, and the idea of a guy possibly enjoying getting it up the ass while maintaining that he's super straight.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipJmUFxJJ9_w2VtuvOQog1Z_VCBT8epfyL_wu-LdkJjKPTJaOOb2NDi1tvwftfAhVY06nFOlNOSNubpfmzdpdXwHUSNT3iXqxfqH1FCWI0EcS1DyZlnVYlTAL6SM5ew3QJhZ5aFwVelZmW/s1600/2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="889" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipJmUFxJJ9_w2VtuvOQog1Z_VCBT8epfyL_wu-LdkJjKPTJaOOb2NDi1tvwftfAhVY06nFOlNOSNubpfmzdpdXwHUSNT3iXqxfqH1FCWI0EcS1DyZlnVYlTAL6SM5ew3QJhZ5aFwVelZmW/s400/2.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">This is the face of a man who is ashamed that he knows the "plot" of Road Trip.</span></i></td></tr>
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As I am sure you are all aware, Todd Phillips made the film Joker last year and it is up for awards...for some reason. If you keep up with my Twitter then you'd know that I am less than a fan of this particular film. And if it hasn't been made clear here now, I should also point of I'm not particularly fond of the director's previous work either. Which is fine, people are allowed to enjoy whatever they like. We do not all have to agree. My issue comes with the award nominations for this film while several other much better films got passed over, including one also from someone with a background in comedy.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhexsc_L6B8rmVSKLscNhTKJEo5RTlGQoUMkCXNd8ZO_XQHYXXaVywm6m3iw3Isd7lwGfjdS5LalzYAHaX32-UIgZFGjOQbFPDjyNPbL1It8XUJTixtcN-wqX8JtzNl9SGgjLCi8zFWxOpm/s1600/3.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="518" data-original-width="929" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhexsc_L6B8rmVSKLscNhTKJEo5RTlGQoUMkCXNd8ZO_XQHYXXaVywm6m3iw3Isd7lwGfjdS5LalzYAHaX32-UIgZFGjOQbFPDjyNPbL1It8XUJTixtcN-wqX8JtzNl9SGgjLCi8zFWxOpm/s400/3.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>The Academy can suck my left testicle until it's clean shaven. Uncut Gems is a masterpiece.</i></span></td></tr>
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A big argument that vexes me is in regards to the merit of Joker as a film, as there are some rather loud voices claiming it to be a mind-blowing experience that speaks to them on a deep level. It was about an angry white dude being angry and killing people. That's all. It's not deep, it's not clever commentary, it's not a great work of art, it's Taxi Driver with clown makeup. Todd Phillips is not an artist, he's a Scorsese fan who ripped off his idol. If the Joker film speaks to someone you know on a deep level, they probably need help mentally. The film is about a man who is angry at the world and lashes out at it violently. If that seems good to someone then it's a fucking red flag. The Joker is not a folk hero, he's a psychopath that murders people because he wants to and enjoys it.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBzoJa3CZozQnTY7loS-AUfYuF46i47SaBpR0fwciXBk66muyunKf8ryj_jzy8mP1HUuztWXyWLbTB9MTR_bDBJ2pXsss_TDyO2aycylV9W8AEPUOoMuRfcjrSLiqqY-GTYFuuP1cBvMKF/s1600/4.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="550" data-original-width="1025" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBzoJa3CZozQnTY7loS-AUfYuF46i47SaBpR0fwciXBk66muyunKf8ryj_jzy8mP1HUuztWXyWLbTB9MTR_bDBJ2pXsss_TDyO2aycylV9W8AEPUOoMuRfcjrSLiqqY-GTYFuuP1cBvMKF/s400/4.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>The only shocking thing about me saying that is that I feel like I kinda have to despite it being obvious.</i></span></td></tr>
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Now, here's the thing, I know there are people who will say it's society's fault he's that way, that we live in a society that creates monsters like him, and that he's actually a victim. My reply? Fuck off. I grew up a bullied skinny (and later chubby) white kid. I'm not straight either. I had horrible things done to me in my life that will stay with me until the day I die, because that's how life works. I did not become a killer, I did not take to harassing folks, I did not become a racist because I was targeted by people of a different skintone than myself, and I most certainly never acted like an entitled little twat because life didn't turn out perfect for me. And for the record, I'm very happy with myself and where I am in life.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCT3pzf1YbrSOk-3DAL5g_XOKFsBtX70S7WmawUpL71O9qVcvF09XM9jo31t4IFckib-KZqUSTt52S8pXijtin_5WAHIFraAeJ5oWMkF4pDUhE-DEGrMKxDGsC5hebPKaGeJIpky9E7a22/s1600/5.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="543" data-original-width="971" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCT3pzf1YbrSOk-3DAL5g_XOKFsBtX70S7WmawUpL71O9qVcvF09XM9jo31t4IFckib-KZqUSTt52S8pXijtin_5WAHIFraAeJ5oWMkF4pDUhE-DEGrMKxDGsC5hebPKaGeJIpky9E7a22/s400/5.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>I mean, come on. Look at that pretty face. That's a face you wanna fuck right there. Them DSLs, amirite?</i></span></td></tr>
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My point is, there is no excuse for the shit he does in the film simply because life didn't deliver him what he wanted on a silver tray. We are responsible for our own actions. To me, Joker is nothing but a tired angry white man film for angry white men to toss off to. It's right up there with Falling Down, Uwe Boll's Rampage, Gran Torino, and Voiceless. These films appeal to the most toxic among us as a power fantasy because the majority of them aren't brave enough to even raise a hand against another person. But they can pretend on Twitter or stab a comic book on YouTube. They can launch an IndieGoGo or Kickstarter campaign to have other angry white men support their work because they're angry like them. They can try to manipulate angry idiots into supporting their work for their own gain. Isn't that right, Todd Phillips?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFD5xlb22KBiW-Q-j6OVoJXxI6xiZyFgCs-6_mkVheb8QlkNecLRoyQhRi1CeVeiV9tfZcDWholWX70J16TZQCyjytM15kruLcDjDcxuDde4WKTfd1dUcz4mHjpXrD1W3mTm-y1IulD-Xb/s1600/6.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="588" data-original-width="1017" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFD5xlb22KBiW-Q-j6OVoJXxI6xiZyFgCs-6_mkVheb8QlkNecLRoyQhRi1CeVeiV9tfZcDWholWX70J16TZQCyjytM15kruLcDjDcxuDde4WKTfd1dUcz4mHjpXrD1W3mTm-y1IulD-Xb/s400/6.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Rhetorical question, please put down the mic.</i></span></td></tr>
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Before the obvious "well, you're just being an angry white dude too" bollocks pops up, no, I'm not angry. I'm not angry about Joker getting attention or nominations, I'm disappointed that so many people jumped on the bandwagon of a wholly unimpressive film that simply had one impressive performance in it from an actor who has done far better work that deserved this kind of attention and still does. Disappointment is what I feel when I see this subpar film from a belligerent asshole hack director pop up in my purview when films like <span>You Were Never Really Here and The Sisters Brothers flew under the radar. Joker is not a good film and I really wish people would wake up to that fact sooner rather than later.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-M9Fa-stnVSeqj1keUvWmR3ETKTsVhbiTGgLShChre8oxUHfkEZx5u8-vwIJTo6MiDln-zL9VnOSl0HQ3-z0xUm8kWwglJwMmmwbTrmGrxCnqDr5N0pLLoeyBUiPbWUxUxdmfvfitBqmR/s1600/7.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="559" data-original-width="1077" height="207" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-M9Fa-stnVSeqj1keUvWmR3ETKTsVhbiTGgLShChre8oxUHfkEZx5u8-vwIJTo6MiDln-zL9VnOSl0HQ3-z0xUm8kWwglJwMmmwbTrmGrxCnqDr5N0pLLoeyBUiPbWUxUxdmfvfitBqmR/s400/7.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Okay, now you can whine at me. I won't listen, but you can whine.</i></span></td></tr>
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<span><br /></span>Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-2347146520213165402019-09-30T11:29:00.000-07:002019-09-30T11:29:32.130-07:00Rock Python (Marvel Legends Endgame Hulk Wave)<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixUsQMISOIlUo0VcaCJmu9p9LjE-mzjXVHkK-ABWDvjCwnszJF9_KdH_x3dsy61vsabdO1Cf_YlA-FQMuu9XwtspGuf0d9-XiiZTDtCU0XJ4Mudqq1JvDCXRKSopmGR4LKfUW-nBrEWl7S/s1600/1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="739" data-original-width="1123" height="262" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixUsQMISOIlUo0VcaCJmu9p9LjE-mzjXVHkK-ABWDvjCwnszJF9_KdH_x3dsy61vsabdO1Cf_YlA-FQMuu9XwtspGuf0d9-XiiZTDtCU0XJ4Mudqq1JvDCXRKSopmGR4LKfUW-nBrEWl7S/s400/1.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>I'm fairly certain this gentleman;s outfit is not colour accurate to his namesake.</i></span></td></tr>
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By popular demand, I have returned to play with toys and justify spending money on these things despite being an older Millennial. And since one of my Twitter followers was nice enough to donate this figure in particular, I figured it would be a good place to start our revival of the oddly suggestively named "Play with Me!" feature here. So, Rock Python...who is this guy? Well, first we'll go by what I can remember off-hand without looking anything up or even reading his package. Let's see...he's an African mercenary who joined the snake themed villain group The Serpent Society over at Marvel Comics.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-XfIAz48YYeUerfLh3yVgjZSaxHnv32KqRWPUwWYf2ARjTRmuyclvY3YoqA3K1E4miVjyVloTmK3vMlpfp4hyphenhyphenjRX-NB9MVZNefV-XW-TgBji_D_5sqKNNCHQXptPtrEboaoptMvG3p2x3/s1600/2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="520" data-original-width="1024" height="202" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-XfIAz48YYeUerfLh3yVgjZSaxHnv32KqRWPUwWYf2ARjTRmuyclvY3YoqA3K1E4miVjyVloTmK3vMlpfp4hyphenhyphenjRX-NB9MVZNefV-XW-TgBji_D_5sqKNNCHQXptPtrEboaoptMvG3p2x3/s400/2.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>I also remember him tossing exploding eggs filled with ribbons at Battlestar. Comics are weird, folks.</i></span></td></tr>
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To be frank, I don't remember too much about and am not really a big fan of the Serpent Society in general. When it comes to snake themed organizations, I've always been more of a Cobra guy. I mean, G.I. Joe is my favourite toyline and has been my entire life, so that's not a massive shock. Anywho, let's learn a bit more about our beefy merc friend here, yes? His package tells me he's name M'Gula and does indeed hail from Africa. He also goes by Michael Gula, which isn't the best alias, all considered.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipi42GI21T1OwZE87e-Soe8r0PdWKEk6HoCOHpDXB9Rlv_eqJVt33jJdHG-UkkV15IarbG0isPDOyPzCRJjBE2qe7HcLTBeFUqI6x7C1cRSvq30jD6s05Y8DrWx854Iu_X4EHuGkYr3Cx0/s1600/3.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="723" data-original-width="992" height="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipi42GI21T1OwZE87e-Soe8r0PdWKEk6HoCOHpDXB9Rlv_eqJVt33jJdHG-UkkV15IarbG0isPDOyPzCRJjBE2qe7HcLTBeFUqI6x7C1cRSvq30jD6s05Y8DrWx854Iu_X4EHuGkYr3Cx0/s400/3.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Then again, he doesn't seem like he terribly interested with hiding, if his colour scheme is anything to go by.</i></span></td></tr>
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His name is apparently not just for snake reasons either, as apparently he's a mutant with a rock-hard body. He's kinda like the evil version of Luke Cage, if you will. Nigh invulnerable and strong as hell. Surprisingly, he's not really known for clashing with other mutants, as being a member of the Serpent Society means he's primarily a Captain America villain. Makes me wonder why they never tried using the Society in the MCU films. If nothing else they could've made for an interesting group of cannon fodder.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpvtDLpwfcmzdo0ouwYJMVv7S2y0-uKvji7LMkM-4cofG_wj_NBcFk4rlEqKYFHHnG4Oga8R3sgJ-YfzdITyxTTJCjlo7c-za-baCMTAYf-Ahi4BFMEuTNXNvhkb7QZXDzjhrtWG1xZT1e/s1600/4.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="661" data-original-width="1118" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpvtDLpwfcmzdo0ouwYJMVv7S2y0-uKvji7LMkM-4cofG_wj_NBcFk4rlEqKYFHHnG4Oga8R3sgJ-YfzdITyxTTJCjlo7c-za-baCMTAYf-Ahi4BFMEuTNXNvhkb7QZXDzjhrtWG1xZT1e/s400/4.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>That'd probably be the only way most of them would ever get figures, honestly. But hey, I could be wrong. We've already got 5 figures.</i></span></td></tr>
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I know what you're thinking though, what about the toy itself? Well, it's a solid figure. Back when I initially bought Marvel Legends figures I recall them being more fragile feeling with these rather awful ball things connecting their legs to their hips. Thankfully that no longer seems to be the case. Instead it seems Hasbro has found a nice balance between posability and durability. Construction-wise I have zero complaints. He's a very well built hunk of snake-themed mutant villain.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji9LC_OIjp_itJBDKFqtT_qsXIwHBE_J1Zw11jUMc7rvbst9KvpqjW1FcJ7spORCfh5QI2a62RUjWkzD00S6w6QxzPQESShflv_u8WhrJjp-aoOaDLI7lSy5RZnrfsSTYLeBJ0FGT5pudK/s1600/5.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="637" data-original-width="1005" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji9LC_OIjp_itJBDKFqtT_qsXIwHBE_J1Zw11jUMc7rvbst9KvpqjW1FcJ7spORCfh5QI2a62RUjWkzD00S6w6QxzPQESShflv_u8WhrJjp-aoOaDLI7lSy5RZnrfsSTYLeBJ0FGT5pudK/s400/5.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>He poses quite well over characters he'd likely not actually beat too. Great news for all those Rock Python fans.</i></span></td></tr>
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I do have a minor complaint though, which likely only pertains to my specific figure. He has some minor paint scuffing on his chest. I'll probably touch it up by hand in the future. It stands out due to his stark colour palette though, so it is rather difficult not to notice. Beyond that all I can say is I'd like to see a less plain looking belt on him, but that's hardly their fault when it's clearly comic accurate.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7aBTAELztpFRc_LktBts9yKH11JKS8v_2iGUZDaPoqrhezNKHkAyePO_zYTmNZgFsVvRR8xAnjjQlOL2BALKPNqlhYGFFnUcJrpKDuzu2Srlw9XQnKp2FeFEGWyLc75dRXa9nEY_GJgxA/s1600/6.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="668" data-original-width="1027" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7aBTAELztpFRc_LktBts9yKH11JKS8v_2iGUZDaPoqrhezNKHkAyePO_zYTmNZgFsVvRR8xAnjjQlOL2BALKPNqlhYGFFnUcJrpKDuzu2Srlw9XQnKp2FeFEGWyLc75dRXa9nEY_GJgxA/s400/6.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Besides, I gotta say I dig his very Batman-esque eyes. I feel like he'd actually look pretty cool up against ol' Bruce.</i></span></td></tr>
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Final verdict? He's a well made figure that is likely worth the price if you're a fan of him or the Serpent Society. But I don't think he's a well known enough character for people to really clamour for him beyond the very specific "accessory" he comes packaged with, but that's a review for a different time. For now, I'm gonna leave it at that and see you all later when I delve into a figure from a fairly new company on the scene. Later days.Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-78032599592472166392019-03-25T12:48:00.000-07:002020-06-12T08:46:02.390-07:00Metal Rear Solid: The Phantom Peen (2017)<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBBFjJYwfZP8b4F2y_2amUH56RzhwEfJvorDK5fOmlnOqDDJa_UHID9xqx0RZ-COzInAbQWk6CzZaaW8Oj1lvDH5k56fd0eNIldCeyNCYDvE89vSsIOqB3Vs5nsFIraE7tUH_aWJgRT4Jj/s1600/1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="543" data-original-width="973" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBBFjJYwfZP8b4F2y_2amUH56RzhwEfJvorDK5fOmlnOqDDJa_UHID9xqx0RZ-COzInAbQWk6CzZaaW8Oj1lvDH5k56fd0eNIldCeyNCYDvE89vSsIOqB3Vs5nsFIraE7tUH_aWJgRT4Jj/s400/1.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Surprisingly, not a film about Snake's stupidly thicc ass.</i></span></td></tr>
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Life is a trainwreck sometimes. You look at the many angry weebs coming at you, all the various members of whatever nerd-based hate group is popular at the moment trying to desperately get you deleted from Twitter, and the fact that Donald Trump is still president...and sure, you can find yourself screaming silently into your hands for a bit.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbBB8W2TRtN6awrAlb82nza1GBsuB3heefgS4UVcc0zqmVsPhQI4ZHB5lQeStV2YQ6_Vj5yShBlbitaWky4vsoT9E5Bh5ofdd01rpD5SooMwd4chPU_vgvIYuG8K22rohnjISoMDwNYJXq/s1600/2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="404" data-original-width="718" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbBB8W2TRtN6awrAlb82nza1GBsuB3heefgS4UVcc0zqmVsPhQI4ZHB5lQeStV2YQ6_Vj5yShBlbitaWky4vsoT9E5Bh5ofdd01rpD5SooMwd4chPU_vgvIYuG8K22rohnjISoMDwNYJXq/s400/2.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>I've done it a few times.</i></span></td></tr>
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When things get like that, I find it's best to go back to the place that always serves as a prime distraction from the toxicity of life: porn. Thus, I tossed up a poll over on Twitter and let my fans decide what particular pond of questionable liquid I would dip my toes into. It was a hell of a race to the end, but the ultimate winner was a film that I'm honestly shocked didn't happen sooner. It's not like Metal Gear Solid is some unknown property. It's a famous franchise full of women that are not hard on the eyes, so why did it take this long to make a proper porno of it? Who knows, but today we're going to examine it's plot, how accurate it is, and mostly just make bad jokes because that's what I am known for.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwB3PgoNpPpsf7pRRYt6VqADQas-GtUoba1Bq80aNClVR7FWhBTkLbw5V5FPw6GrX8rLN2XEbsJyRfkQ4smBmlEv-DYB1ajberlCQfXTYamiHtEDpQOECWcOdjQCiTZ4PBr8A8LHNqSocd/s1600/3.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="440" data-original-width="759" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwB3PgoNpPpsf7pRRYt6VqADQas-GtUoba1Bq80aNClVR7FWhBTkLbw5V5FPw6GrX8rLN2XEbsJyRfkQ4smBmlEv-DYB1ajberlCQfXTYamiHtEDpQOECWcOdjQCiTZ4PBr8A8LHNqSocd/s400/3.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Caution: There may be butt stuff involved.</i></span></td></tr>
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Our film opens up as Snake's helicopter goes down in a flaming spiral in the middle of a desert. What hit them? What happened? Snake? SNAKE?! SNAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!! Anyway, from there we're thrown into the opening credits before the fade back in to the desert where we see Snake is apparently a dick in this movie. No, really, look at this.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKT9rkkILJ7s7PLIJxwmfhNXj6TRsvfsbLbojW9yKpEgXFZ7fxsTJfRwNzcLf_PoRsWrzExI39_f4m9xgq1Y5LPbBZQj9Jc8wEWQUNP2LXmbz3pjfquvamlEnam4hNDW1GuTP8o36zwwuX/s1600/4.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="475" data-original-width="848" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKT9rkkILJ7s7PLIJxwmfhNXj6TRsvfsbLbojW9yKpEgXFZ7fxsTJfRwNzcLf_PoRsWrzExI39_f4m9xgq1Y5LPbBZQj9Jc8wEWQUNP2LXmbz3pjfquvamlEnam4hNDW1GuTP8o36zwwuX/s400/4.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>His codename is Trowser Snake. Someone is really on their pun game here.</i></span></td></tr>
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We then see out hero and he's...wearing an Iron Man toy gauntlet, I think? Like, it doesn't even cover his hand. The rest of the outfit looks great but, come on, Venom Snake's bionic arm is iconic. You guys could've at least put a painted sleeve on under it or something so he clearly flesh hand isn't visible. How am I supposed to maintain an erection if I can't be fully absorbed into the fantasy that this is Snake?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCLAKxJt4rYNxHn02GKl_HGCv9H1LSffkanImX1cMdpRXA5IOgKxZ9adtfxS7RHkQGzlSerOVMrdk1OH-doSbdhCVhQG6UBwW-TCEGn4bGG-p1AGr7igfB6JSbYKlcRm1Tm4I-BHfkwYYN/s1600/5.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="475" data-original-width="851" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCLAKxJt4rYNxHn02GKl_HGCv9H1LSffkanImX1cMdpRXA5IOgKxZ9adtfxS7RHkQGzlSerOVMrdk1OH-doSbdhCVhQG6UBwW-TCEGn4bGG-p1AGr7igfB6JSbYKlcRm1Tm4I-BHfkwYYN/s400/5.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>It's bad enough that we're being robbed of that Snake booty with these loose pants.</i></span></td></tr>
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Trowser Snake here wanders through the desert for a while, because that's the part of the game we wanted to be recreated, and he climbs a small hill to pose on dramatically. I'd say I'm getting flashbacks to Wood Rocket productions, but they actually had more plot in them by this. Oh lord, I just said something good about Wood Rocket. Quick, movie, do something to save me from this!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB_XNjS6iPTlkrGrBsRSKoW_qL8iyXFPowxYzsDP6Nm5to0r0IrpHzU0wFueLgmsw5RxTvO5-aQGrf0NlJeV8WO-tCw4X3v2G_NMrZmH0INR37MlYMP3mTGvztqCI1M_0PY96o9-9-U5fD/s1600/6.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="474" data-original-width="848" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB_XNjS6iPTlkrGrBsRSKoW_qL8iyXFPowxYzsDP6Nm5to0r0IrpHzU0wFueLgmsw5RxTvO5-aQGrf0NlJeV8WO-tCw4X3v2G_NMrZmH0INR37MlYMP3mTGvztqCI1M_0PY96o9-9-U5fD/s400/6.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>No, not more dramatic posing!</i></span></td></tr>
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But seriously, something finally happens when his radio gets a call from what I assume is Miller telling him to stay sharp because there's an enemy sniper in the area, so we all know where this is headed: clearly he's gonna go fuck Psycho Mantis. Wait, no, no, wrong game and time period. In reality it means that Quiet is about, which isn't too shocking because she's on the banner for the damn film. Besides, she's the easiest female character in the franchise to adapt to porn because she essentially looks like she wandered in from a Burning Angels or Suicide Girls shoot.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihdgw_2L1YOIIuKQt3ipjMAd-9N2geyakFjInTrNSun6TTBZy5Oi-qjUwlvVJTH2v2UKfb-nVYAi7ihusfCZOFdD9a6Mlud1WE8DHiiK8ahqkhaw5HA6V3cDOzp9xST-h7sZf3Gnq3-HMo/s1600/7.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="435" data-original-width="687" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihdgw_2L1YOIIuKQt3ipjMAd-9N2geyakFjInTrNSun6TTBZy5Oi-qjUwlvVJTH2v2UKfb-nVYAi7ihusfCZOFdD9a6Mlud1WE8DHiiK8ahqkhaw5HA6V3cDOzp9xST-h7sZf3Gnq3-HMo/s400/7.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Sure, I dig the whole "bikini punk sniper" aesthetic going on here, but let's not kid ourselves about the motives for said design.</i></span></td></tr>
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Snake says he can handle anything, because he's Snake, and we get to hear Quiet's porn name, which is amazingly bad: Hushy. Her codename is Hushy. Give me a second, I need to gasp for air after laughing over that one. Even Snake himself seems to jeer at the name, because it's fucking Hushy, but let's move on. Miller then spends a minute explaining that she has a really great ass that may possibly have powers. Alright, I've gotta admit, that's a new one.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5LY8iqHxJ0LP4M77OKyksqYMqS2vZ6nUQD5oKCNmvoTi8JZRnydnz0pCozAks7P_qjKILlTiz1Hya3h_BblA0GqMqlylp4KLW-psF4DEIB06q7i8_vQGxwT-NVyjPaaD-rTwKZxg9RWT2/s1600/8.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="481" data-original-width="850" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5LY8iqHxJ0LP4M77OKyksqYMqS2vZ6nUQD5oKCNmvoTi8JZRnydnz0pCozAks7P_qjKILlTiz1Hya3h_BblA0GqMqlylp4KLW-psF4DEIB06q7i8_vQGxwT-NVyjPaaD-rTwKZxg9RWT2/s400/8.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Something tells me her ass powers are going to be less practical than her outfit.</i></span></td></tr>
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Miller also makes a comment about having enough animals back at the base and pleads for Snake to stop sending back sheep, which honestly really did make me chuckle. Clearly, the people who made this did know the source material well enough to make some jokes that actually landed. But now, we finally get to see Hushy show up as she stares at him through her scope and fires a shot that he barely manages to dodge.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgByrYt9o4c5e5dQQJPwuvXh5491SYW8Z4oSJ7zQ1Ua-VSQ1cfRGgpCzX6Op3JokxpXgzoNp-oyCGlOnU54mCCDY0anS-cVEE_DIYn2ly_LaFdOJtoXWwZb7SpSbgCJoVuTdpm-DqHBbVGu/s1600/9.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="474" data-original-width="848" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgByrYt9o4c5e5dQQJPwuvXh5491SYW8Z4oSJ7zQ1Ua-VSQ1cfRGgpCzX6Op3JokxpXgzoNp-oyCGlOnU54mCCDY0anS-cVEE_DIYn2ly_LaFdOJtoXWwZb7SpSbgCJoVuTdpm-DqHBbVGu/s400/9.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"She totally can't see me. I'm just a rock with a big gun."</i></span></td></tr>
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The two then have a sniper duel after we get a dramatic shot of her ass and left nipple, for some reason. Hushy is jsut too good, so he opts for a stealthy approach, going for a large loose piece of cardboard that just happens to be laying nearby. Seriously, he just picks it up and walks around behind it like he's hiding his body-heat from the Screamers in Tremors 2.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH0vV57sezrUrz9zvWoTc3tFPNoCiWdEORV0NlthQUUXeq8lb8OUGwD8FsbJR16jKGo38OS64qsr31qW2UrDP95qO_lmXF5JFJcNOX9elu1GvHPTxVfXGsilnqEzPQsyvvlqlamA1dLARr/s1600/10.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="478" data-original-width="848" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH0vV57sezrUrz9zvWoTc3tFPNoCiWdEORV0NlthQUUXeq8lb8OUGwD8FsbJR16jKGo38OS64qsr31qW2UrDP95qO_lmXF5JFJcNOX9elu1GvHPTxVfXGsilnqEzPQsyvvlqlamA1dLARr/s400/10.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>She's the best, so long as you don't hide behind scraps from your kid's arts and crafts project.</i></span></td></tr>
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Having the drop on her, he immediately bursts out from behind his cardboard to scream at her for no real reason. Unsurprisingly, she responds by putting a knife to his throat, which would logically be the end of this were Snake not basically built out of plot armour that can protect him from all rational tactics. He laughs and drops a smoke grenade so he can return to stealth...which he wouldn't have had to do had he kept the cardboard that apparently made him invisible, but whatever. This is not the film to nitpick for being unrealistic. They then proceed to fight hand-to-hand.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTH9FjT530YHaU2z8swEJblpP2MxT4A6mvxbcbUrw5NPA38epPM07jlTy1jcsceG0ugGplG4N3SreyvcOWk7XdjvIhKdsH5SnAW6ot2F2qC1JZcILR77D33WQ-0W960VpjHnq554tgRL8B/s1600/11.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="478" data-original-width="849" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTH9FjT530YHaU2z8swEJblpP2MxT4A6mvxbcbUrw5NPA38epPM07jlTy1jcsceG0ugGplG4N3SreyvcOWk7XdjvIhKdsH5SnAW6ot2F2qC1JZcILR77D33WQ-0W960VpjHnq554tgRL8B/s400/11.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Which looks less rapey than this still would have you think.</i></span></td></tr>
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I'll give the actors credit, it's not a bad fight scene. Hushy's actress, Casey Calvert, is clearly athletic and her wailing on Snake looks good. But, of course, we know she ain't winning the fight as he eventually chokes her out with a sleeper hold, something he does a lot in the game to his enemies right before attaching balloons to them to "recruit" them.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxIjpdD5-MNOl4KkBHL4uedEvcdy5yLX6gKLY-1JHq6qsBDCfYKB95p215c82k4znZdK2RseAcLnfdVUFHAvEjrBXXaKOb3J3ciWppFTBef2YAtQNTdFnjTelcChgljoOhiHQSVAUsRYaW/s1600/12.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="450" data-original-width="800" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxIjpdD5-MNOl4KkBHL4uedEvcdy5yLX6gKLY-1JHq6qsBDCfYKB95p215c82k4znZdK2RseAcLnfdVUFHAvEjrBXXaKOb3J3ciWppFTBef2YAtQNTdFnjTelcChgljoOhiHQSVAUsRYaW/s400/12.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>I'm sure they're all fine and suffered no broken necks or severe trauma from being forcefully yanked into the air.</i></span></td></tr>
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So, hey, isn't this a porno? When's that sex scene gonna show up anyw...oh, there it is. Yeah, after he has her on the ropes he asks what's it gonna take for her to join up with his team, to which she literally replies, "Your dick, my ass", which is undoubtedly gonna lead to us finally learning her special ass power, I guess. But first she shows Snake what a good "snake eater" she is. Hey, don't look at me, the movie made the pun.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWiDcddqPfXGIwIIOIl2jGITo27p-aCmzfW9x2mRWMhAVeR-vryKQVX2b9GyeybSVmX-5xLQwJFZXC_vgFhMTCkV6wjryaXMJW727Sw4Uu9pHEnHAoji1nbZJEqJFpeq21-gdMXTNEV9Rf/s1600/13.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="475" data-original-width="849" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWiDcddqPfXGIwIIOIl2jGITo27p-aCmzfW9x2mRWMhAVeR-vryKQVX2b9GyeybSVmX-5xLQwJFZXC_vgFhMTCkV6wjryaXMJW727Sw4Uu9pHEnHAoji1nbZJEqJFpeq21-gdMXTNEV9Rf/s400/13.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>I'm mostly distracted because I keep thinking the guy playing Snake is Joe Manganiello.</i></span></td></tr>
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From here we get what you expect. She sucks his dick, he plays with her tits, and then the main event begins: ass fucking. I do find it funny to note that they do this on his tactical cardboard from earlier, probably because it's easier on the knees. They alternate between oral and ass fucking for pretty much the rest of the film, which is to be expected. Most people they're marketing this for just came to see two recognizable characters bang, after all.<span style="font-size: small;"> Which they get to see at great length here, so I guess that's mission accomplished.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgabRsmxnNKB9k-jLt3gJ8EM2SGWQDe4-1YwlIeJqlTTGs1c53r4wreM9X1lUvMnOKG341fnIvt4UBa2Qv-_PpNdNM9mirZP-d9ccZNsk3CsSJKR5rBUNtvWokt6W7miF5gtGtYARO7SYdN/s1600/14.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="476" data-original-width="852" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgabRsmxnNKB9k-jLt3gJ8EM2SGWQDe4-1YwlIeJqlTTGs1c53r4wreM9X1lUvMnOKG341fnIvt4UBa2Qv-_PpNdNM9mirZP-d9ccZNsk3CsSJKR5rBUNtvWokt6W7miF5gtGtYARO7SYdN/s400/14.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Frankly, I'm just impressed he managed to keep that goofy gauntlet hand on the whole time.</i></span></td></tr>
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We get the typical facial and a wrap-up full of fan-service puns and a "game over" screen before they finally walk off together into the sunset. Cue the credits and some slow-motion replays of some sex scenes to pad it out. Final thoughts? Well, among the multitude of porn parody films out there, this one manages to both be more faithful to its source material and also lovingly poke fun at it better than most larger budgeted parodies do.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSc7O1EUb1jcjwgRDDTn4dg9L-v0O4TCCMYwrfd2n8TdqR1Izzr8cgUxIZmZSoTt9VJt5IbTZeWA9C-jbw5isHsoTDPF41gnj04MDUlipTr8rwADqFh-n4KZJ9untM2WQx39e81Ihdkh5R/s1600/15.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="477" data-original-width="848" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSc7O1EUb1jcjwgRDDTn4dg9L-v0O4TCCMYwrfd2n8TdqR1Izzr8cgUxIZmZSoTt9VJt5IbTZeWA9C-jbw5isHsoTDPF41gnj04MDUlipTr8rwADqFh-n4KZJ9untM2WQx39e81Ihdkh5R/s400/15.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Yeah, they even give us a Codec conversation in the classic style of MGS1.</i></span></td></tr>
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I have to say, I actually enjoyed this one. It was interesting enough leading up to the sex scenes that I didn't feel bored. Not to mention that it avoided to Wood Rocket problem of barely any set-up to a single long usually uncomfortable sex scene. I don't really care about the sex personally, but it was well shot, so kudos to the people behind the camera. Overall, if you want a fun little porn parody to check out, I'd recommend this one. Maybe I'll check out some of the other Brazzers porn parody films based on games. For now though, I'm calling it a day. Have a good week, bleeders. Later days.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfpb1NGix_LY_P4LQm4Gg0NpYpVDhKXg3axQ5x4wH5GnDo0VAXCYvUU7rMV0Bp5ye8HdTUcvREgvaKrZdEtgHdla092v3f7yNmNVq9hNQ9EXdw4fRksmg6VJa6Ln9uCL4eQ16U4GbBHvxL/s1600/16.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="479" data-original-width="848" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfpb1NGix_LY_P4LQm4Gg0NpYpVDhKXg3axQ5x4wH5GnDo0VAXCYvUU7rMV0Bp5ye8HdTUcvREgvaKrZdEtgHdla092v3f7yNmNVq9hNQ9EXdw4fRksmg6VJa6Ln9uCL4eQ16U4GbBHvxL/s400/16.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>This is the first kiss in a porn I've seen in a while that didn't make me wretch.</i></span></td></tr>
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<br />Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-12855482543561665442019-02-11T12:23:00.001-08:002019-02-11T12:23:20.745-08:00My Personal War Against The Karate Kid Part III<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbcSYeRY6ur6MeD1b2JSNb_GxaEz2cV0UrzCbUCh1SuMmgM3AXtHBz-WYfUOni8lPZ2l9zyhfjVa_uPKimmZHlIL00i4gWCC9IR8BnKiRyCkKnSnNU6PhUN9Hq0jwzOcJ073YJF98_L1L5/s1600/1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="531" data-original-width="851" height="248" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbcSYeRY6ur6MeD1b2JSNb_GxaEz2cV0UrzCbUCh1SuMmgM3AXtHBz-WYfUOni8lPZ2l9zyhfjVa_uPKimmZHlIL00i4gWCC9IR8BnKiRyCkKnSnNU6PhUN9Hq0jwzOcJ073YJF98_L1L5/s400/1.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Nothing says "watch our movie" like having both leads looking depressed at the prospect of being dragged back into this.</i></span></td></tr>
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This is my apology combination rant and review. I've been so busy with life and being horribly sick that I haven't had time to properly punish myself for your amusement all under the guise of being a legitimate critic of films. So, to make it up to you, we're going to talk about something that has been requested more than anything else. Something I swore I would never talk about, let alone acknowledge the existence of. Today we're talking about that time they decided to shit on two solid films by milking it with a third film. Yes, they made a fourth film too, but we're not there yet. And since people kept asking me what I thought about Cobra Kai throughout this year, it feels appropriate we're dipping into this particular vat of toxic wasted potential.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWahuHPyY2PObaOhKU4K35ihyphenhyphenUuJzqYKmpTSecb_wRWdey2-fwo0r2xgif4BxLJJ63PasB1hC8xxQvl31xoq4TFhE3xWKb9rWcNSirL7e1J6tdZPrJgUhyOLx1_OtWCooi4__8vCc2kkFs/s1600/2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="531" data-original-width="1023" height="207" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWahuHPyY2PObaOhKU4K35ihyphenhyphenUuJzqYKmpTSecb_wRWdey2-fwo0r2xgif4BxLJJ63PasB1hC8xxQvl31xoq4TFhE3xWKb9rWcNSirL7e1J6tdZPrJgUhyOLx1_OtWCooi4__8vCc2kkFs/s400/2.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>By the way, I thought Cobra Kai could've been great but it lost me the minute they dragged Daniel back into it. More on that later.</i></span></td></tr>
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Here's your set-up: Daniel overcame his bullies, matured as both a person and as a fighter, fell in love, won a literal deathmatch, and his story felt complete from beginning to end. Well, not when Hollywood can drain that last ounce of cash out of the well before it's good and dry. Make no mistake, this film was not a labour of love like the first two. This film is the very definition of a cash-grab, using the name recognition and the actors still under contract to crap out a quick messy dumpster fire to shove down the hill towards the hungry fans. Can you tell I don't like this thing? Because yeah, I loathe this movie. It very well may be my most hated movie ever.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTcP9RUt8ih0jEKl33j85qrHrBXDrBdlTEhE-G7cfRNrKkCBnrekc0796wom7qO3wFdpN3T782I54Qwju8A8Wh6BgSNoNsXfrnp3yNoF0CQSTuo6H90JBmI_SgulD-IAEoUxU48N0gGFtf/s1600/3.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="553" data-original-width="934" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTcP9RUt8ih0jEKl33j85qrHrBXDrBdlTEhE-G7cfRNrKkCBnrekc0796wom7qO3wFdpN3T782I54Qwju8A8Wh6BgSNoNsXfrnp3yNoF0CQSTuo6H90JBmI_SgulD-IAEoUxU48N0gGFtf/s400/3.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Trust me, when you wade through shit like I do, that's pretty impressive.</i></span></td></tr>
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A long time ago I made a list of my most hated movies and I feel like it should just be deleted, because it's not entirely honest. A big part of that dishonesty comes from this film not being present in the top spot of said list, because I have absolutely nothing but ill will towards this smouldering wreckage of what was a perfect story. Now, I am not one of those guys who is going to sit here and bitch about how something ruined his childhood, because the truth of the matter is I never actually watched the first two films as a kid. I was more interested in horror movies, robots, G.I. Joe, and He-Man. Inspirational stories about standing up to abusers and becoming a more well-rounded mature person were not in my purview just yet.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI5ERjAMD7k-nRtAMce17PsB-jBFZ5CDsoJuVOLr8Cv_wsRsZUTBs6tvV-rk_TVYR-2Of0G0_jUyaF2ydz-1OIkca2c_DOwI5mQ64erIlZgVxEEVhXo6lnY1BqePYhqVJZWD2he6DOZKTW/s1600/4.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="455" data-original-width="816" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI5ERjAMD7k-nRtAMce17PsB-jBFZ5CDsoJuVOLr8Cv_wsRsZUTBs6tvV-rk_TVYR-2Of0G0_jUyaF2ydz-1OIkca2c_DOwI5mQ64erIlZgVxEEVhXo6lnY1BqePYhqVJZWD2he6DOZKTW/s400/4.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Oddly enough though, I distinctly remember watching the cartoon. Weird.</i></span></td></tr>
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Bearing that in mind, I came at the franchise from a fresh perspective of a guy in his late 20s when I first sat down to take in these beloved films from an decade full of beloved things. The thing about The Karate Kid that I discovered was that it was less two films and more like one long film broken in two parts. A saga of a boy growing up and of his mentor coping with loss that pulled me in deeply. When Part II ended I was so satisfied. Then a friend pulled out the third film and I was just like "there's a third one?", staring at it with confusion as to where the story could possibly go after such a neatly tied-up plot. Could it have been about Johnny, his bully from the first film, overcoming his sensei's teachings to become a better person and confront his abusive former master?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxwh3krbFYhtR1gSdfpadB3U_klVPG9JelCpfga-X78AF8oGIJzM8iVC2xwkAFeVPLJtL3iSvorVVXOdkleUYdNfxa1r1yYxFXFsKE-_7n7xiQ_IPobNQRUzOSQRdeyJMFRP6_68gNPNkW/s1600/5.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="438" data-original-width="725" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxwh3krbFYhtR1gSdfpadB3U_klVPG9JelCpfga-X78AF8oGIJzM8iVC2xwkAFeVPLJtL3iSvorVVXOdkleUYdNfxa1r1yYxFXFsKE-_7n7xiQ_IPobNQRUzOSQRdeyJMFRP6_68gNPNkW/s400/5.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"No! But that's almost the plot of a Temper Trap music video!"</i></span></td></tr>
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While that was what I wanted, what I actually got was the most disappointing waste of my time I've ever sat down to watch. This wasn't Daniel's story anymore or even Miyagi's. No, this horrible waste of celluloid was the tale...of the abusive Cobra Kai sensei as he teams up with a Vietnam buddy to try and get revenge for being humiliated in a parking lot by an elderly Japanese man. I am not kidding. This is a film in which two grown ass men decide to terrorize a teenage boy so they can attempt to murder his teacher. This is how the studio decided to close one of the most iconic franchises of the 1980s. What are Daniel and Miyagi's plotlines? They have the same one: they open a flower shop.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0qPpk63BpW1CuQAmxADdc6u8uC7iP11-Qv0cu2a99VrO9M_CuBfFk6Up3g9XLsIQmGJBY-qpYcXQDU-vWb7_rbq98vg66sFqB9DjVOHKzp9yJVGR3Aq5JSjyl7JXJygGu9Nv4gIXT8diw/s1600/6.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="404" data-original-width="718" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0qPpk63BpW1CuQAmxADdc6u8uC7iP11-Qv0cu2a99VrO9M_CuBfFk6Up3g9XLsIQmGJBY-qpYcXQDU-vWb7_rbq98vg66sFqB9DjVOHKzp9yJVGR3Aq5JSjyl7JXJygGu9Nv4gIXT8diw/s400/6.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Nobody wanted this. I didn't want this. Did you want this?</i></span></td></tr>
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It was the lamest and most by-the-numbers martial arts B-movie plot I had ever seen at that point in time. They followed up an epic tale that ended with our young hero in a literal fight to the death with two middle-aged men desperate to get back at an old man for honking one of their noses. Do you see why I hate this film? Do you see the inherent problems? Don't worry, I'm gonna break it down a bit more for you. First, the film literally begins with some horribly written bullshit that completely tosses out the character building from the previous film. Daniel and Miyagi, both of whom seemed intent on staying in Okinawa, are now just back, because executives wanted to beat this horse to death with croquet mallets. Did you love that organically built-up relationship between Daniel and Kumiko? Well, fuck you, that's done now. Meet generic white girl who will fill the female quotient of the film while having nothing of real value to add to the plot.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgahaPsS1d39RlI7Ql9ux2RdD8T6KC0-0IRFEUr2AW3dSVCeKPENBIBV6YNFHyfS7bxIPStFgtj6iclUCgETQDorY5A1lEHHSfVxoj1F2-Nh3Jb8obdgsuMHl-o_G4inpSPpvTRqmbxArnj/s1600/7.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="453" data-original-width="815" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgahaPsS1d39RlI7Ql9ux2RdD8T6KC0-0IRFEUr2AW3dSVCeKPENBIBV6YNFHyfS7bxIPStFgtj6iclUCgETQDorY5A1lEHHSfVxoj1F2-Nh3Jb8obdgsuMHl-o_G4inpSPpvTRqmbxArnj/s400/7.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"My name is Jessica and I'm from Ohio. My boyfriend has sex with mayonnaise sometimes."</i></span></td></tr>
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And no, I'm not saying that a female lead has to be a romantic interest, because that's stupid. What I am saying is that she is written in such a way that it's clear they had no idea what to do with her after they decided she wasn't a love interest, making her a very two-dimensional character who seems to only exist because someone said a woman must exist in the plot because the other films had them. So, rather than have her be a new student of Miyagi or have some link to the antagonists, she's instead just this prop that shows up. Now, onto the second major issue of the film: Daniel's weaker for no reason. What I mean by that is the former film featured Daniel advancing in his training to the point that he kicked the ass of someone much tougher than the two generic douchebag villains in this one, yet he still manages to not be any match against them.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKOi4lnhLrCgcJcZ0Z19oISl1lbMvrz17wp8X-Ek2n1ofG262-dJw3DAk8nSRZIOu-3Peqd4y4IfDoCJKp2OfDVOzuXMzvzbaPNObEdi90RKKq9q7Vkt3WdwytWqnSJSG-IfXbRW4weYyq/s1600/8.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="546" data-original-width="984" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKOi4lnhLrCgcJcZ0Z19oISl1lbMvrz17wp8X-Ek2n1ofG262-dJw3DAk8nSRZIOu-3Peqd4y4IfDoCJKp2OfDVOzuXMzvzbaPNObEdi90RKKq9q7Vkt3WdwytWqnSJSG-IfXbRW4weYyq/s400/8.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>I mean, surviving a deathmatch with a violent Yakuza thug is nothing compared to two aging white guys who feel like henchmen from Commando, apparently.</i></span></td></tr>
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After overcoming Chozen, Kreese and Silver are the absolute lamest threats ever. Silver looks like a knock-off of Steven Seagal, for fuck's sake, and I am supposed to take him seriously? Have you seen Steven Seagal? He looks like he's an evil Baron who subsists on hamburgers and pomade. And Kreese, the guy who Miyagi smacked about in a parking lot? The guy whose life apparently fell apart after his nose was honked outside of a martial arts tournament? I am more threatened by my Destro bobblehead that sits next to my desk constantly judging me.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiciiyalXu-qFvehXW87y6QOKJzXF-N8myXfpjsJy7r3ZKzmWcA6t5ino2snJ3-QgoJEXhI6wSHVp7qcW7ce3pIsvjaEGjhDwJ8O15PXMoVC7OSTQe_YstTCy-VH-gYT0nY9eTiMAumNmkT/s1600/9.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="591" data-original-width="990" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiciiyalXu-qFvehXW87y6QOKJzXF-N8myXfpjsJy7r3ZKzmWcA6t5ino2snJ3-QgoJEXhI6wSHVp7qcW7ce3pIsvjaEGjhDwJ8O15PXMoVC7OSTQe_YstTCy-VH-gYT0nY9eTiMAumNmkT/s400/9.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>I started writing this in November originally and he has not stopped giving me shit over it.</i></span></td></tr>
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The finale problem with this trainwreck of a film is the most damning of all: it's a bad remake of the first film. Seriously, it really is. It has the now retroactively weak lead moving to a new place, meeting a woman, getting bullied by other martial artists, and it ends with a tournament where the bullies get shown up. Only it's worse, because the bullies are grown ass men who seemingly have serious mental problems because they want to terrorize and possibly murder at least two people because one of them GOT HIS NOSE HONKED IN A PARKING LOT. God, I just hate this entire set-up so much because it is so uninspired, so contrived, and so poorly executed. The Karate Kid Part III is the worst film to me because it has no intrinsic value as a film. It doesn't complete the story arc of the heroes, as that was already completed. It doesn't introduce a bigger threat to escalate things after the previous film. And it made me hope for creative send-off while delivering nothing but a hokey mess.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjabex-ZFz7QrIUY0m_h97JFYvoN_VyGy8IlM8Ip-toSAh5oJBacD96ZX63CkkCX1cVdoqDHLt7fcetHjZNnwagBJy28BK53RUWhQ3PtD-lvIpgwiee3m0SKoVy9gDg7Y9cLofoeTchEAA/s1600/10.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="457" data-original-width="824" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjabex-ZFz7QrIUY0m_h97JFYvoN_VyGy8IlM8Ip-toSAh5oJBacD96ZX63CkkCX1cVdoqDHLt7fcetHjZNnwagBJy28BK53RUWhQ3PtD-lvIpgwiee3m0SKoVy9gDg7Y9cLofoeTchEAA/s400/10.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>I can't even laugh at how silly Terry Silver looks. Look at him. I can't laugh at that. That's how mad this film makes me.</i></span></td></tr>
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For ages, when people asked me about the Karate Kid films, I would only discuss the first two and sometimes the fourth film. When the question about the third one came, I answered the same way every single time: "There is no third Karate kid film" and then I would tell them to not ask again. Early on in this site's existence, my love of these films got out somehow and I got hundreds of requests to cover the third film. It was like all of you collectively knew my revulsion and wanted to see the bile pour from my orifices onto my keyboard as a cacophony of vitriol was given life in the form of a review of it. Years later, here we are. This is the closest you're ever gonna get from me. I'm done talking about this dumpster fire. Now to ignore the requests to talk about Cobra Kai for the next 6 years. Later days, bleeders.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin_skWVgFDRfNqG8B1DhHcjtn8lU4kox9PfZC-3MfbhQFb4v370f3iX1ySFt7onEFRqwawp4EwvtMAQs11YSC6cag_zi2FTV8h5k9T2mdx5-64mlMUISs_QfuVazi238qeZwOBxi8-EBNR/s1600/11.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="457" data-original-width="814" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin_skWVgFDRfNqG8B1DhHcjtn8lU4kox9PfZC-3MfbhQFb4v370f3iX1ySFt7onEFRqwawp4EwvtMAQs11YSC6cag_zi2FTV8h5k9T2mdx5-64mlMUISs_QfuVazi238qeZwOBxi8-EBNR/s400/11.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Want my review of it? Pay me. I'm not sweeping this particular leg for free.</i></span></td></tr>
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<br />Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-53338429577857486182018-07-06T14:31:00.002-07:002018-07-06T14:31:57.258-07:00Carnosaur (1993)<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiggIk2mx4HBtZ5DUxWG_5Bkb-wwRGjOIJwapNVqZDg8CqpTRgUnDVkI_KVN-6wgot0pdKbghL4jVFWhlMIa76JHInhYLUew8blVbB_20INLklBKIaGYGrFagVhHR7ecjp-qecIq1B8G1DP/s1600/1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="725" data-original-width="1036" height="278" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiggIk2mx4HBtZ5DUxWG_5Bkb-wwRGjOIJwapNVqZDg8CqpTRgUnDVkI_KVN-6wgot0pdKbghL4jVFWhlMIa76JHInhYLUew8blVbB_20INLklBKIaGYGrFagVhHR7ecjp-qecIq1B8G1DP/s400/1.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Still waiting on NECA's figure of this bad boy.</i></span></td></tr>
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Bring yourself back in time to 1993, Jurassic Park is looking to be the big movie of the year and you're so excited for it that you can barely contain yourself. But wait, what's this? Four weeks until it opens and there's another dinosaur movie playing! Yes, this is a real thing that happened. Even better than all of that, there's a direct link between the two films as Laura Dern's mother, Diane Ladd, is in this one. And to top it all off, this movie is produced by none other than Roger "I was in The Howling" Corman.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv9ezL6Lv-m8FJc3vGDEEVYZs411FC5wHUMfieDZ8YTxB57T2dLofJCmnddvUXqFyYQhGQi7DuBtGc3LkJGFZF0nEvfS_oOImK5_EZWAEnN2FSy4Jbw_dZ5fwXSS7ROcs-3aVm7FrHZdGa/s1600/2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="612" data-original-width="961" height="253" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv9ezL6Lv-m8FJc3vGDEEVYZs411FC5wHUMfieDZ8YTxB57T2dLofJCmnddvUXqFyYQhGQi7DuBtGc3LkJGFZF0nEvfS_oOImK5_EZWAEnN2FSy4Jbw_dZ5fwXSS7ROcs-3aVm7FrHZdGa/s400/2.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>No, really, he was in The Howling. That happened.</i></span></td></tr>
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Based on the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carnosaur_(novel)" target="_blank">novel of the same name</a>, Carnosaur is something of a cult classic that has spawned four sequels that generally have fuck-all to do with the original film. Don't worry, we'll be looking at those eventually. The movie also got at least one favourable review from Gene Siskel of all people, so that's has to be a good sign, yes? Well, there's only one way to find out. Let's grab some chicken and dive stomp our way towards one of the weirder dinosaur films of my youth.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOOzAE9ccduCSCN97nZhcYL-Hco5Wfp6Odmv59EWQXa-paMT_4EFxm6UjxBBN-n9hFxLF8lbPkBwG0mmKo6e8jThuPwxH6BjaxnKhkt8AAr3YZneMw8lqUuSmT_bnnBvbMLTfyOJ_1I-Mm/s1600/3.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="507" data-original-width="779" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOOzAE9ccduCSCN97nZhcYL-Hco5Wfp6Odmv59EWQXa-paMT_4EFxm6UjxBBN-n9hFxLF8lbPkBwG0mmKo6e8jThuPwxH6BjaxnKhkt8AAr3YZneMw8lqUuSmT_bnnBvbMLTfyOJ_1I-Mm/s400/3.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>After all, how many dinosaur movies feel like they could take place in the same universe as The Crazies?</i></span></td></tr>
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The movie opens on some corporate types talking a literal mad scientist named Dr. Jane Tiptree, who they apparently want to work for them on something. What's she actually working on though? Chickens. Specifically, she's working on a virus that will cause all female creatures to give birth to dinosaurs. And she's spreading this virus through chickens. We get to see the result pretty quickly too as a very large egg hatches and the little dino inside attacks a guy's face. But that's just a scratch, when do we get to the real shit?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9JPZ75AhaaCgQo-hg-rpw5E2Vn6ijWEwmCWmKj7TBHptyhOVJoTLyYg5wHWA-y_4kZVOgaDfj2TtcFgvmr0RRo91hKQnYUoC1yBKLyGeonnXBd2h-9QbbCcewARcldc_7giUY2Y9iuRuM/s1600/4.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="539" data-original-width="778" height="276" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9JPZ75AhaaCgQo-hg-rpw5E2Vn6ijWEwmCWmKj7TBHptyhOVJoTLyYg5wHWA-y_4kZVOgaDfj2TtcFgvmr0RRo91hKQnYUoC1yBKLyGeonnXBd2h-9QbbCcewARcldc_7giUY2Y9iuRuM/s400/4.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>There we go.</i></span></td></tr>
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Yes, not long after that a driver transporting the chickens notices a commotion in the back, so he pulls over and opens the back only to become Carnosaur chow. Meet our little stinker of the movie. Sure, he's small now, but just like in a Got Milk ad campaign, he's gonna get a lot bigger. And with that comes a steady diet of screaming victims, because the little bugger is a carnivore. Thus, he finishes his meal and wanders out in to the night, seeking more people dumb enough to hang out in the middle of nowhere. Even better if they handcuff themselves to something so they can't run away.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSwHed5x-_HQ3kyitIXgbbPQ8HS5eIElKnlhCq_kIAnBqjuxipunfAqPXiXLjNDcBH4toqunOtQlIFKqoIg3PWtfg1JHd9WoNnstzhQU1V4bZjn_w4X0Ftt7G7mYtd5lVCUzlsW_KCWQQM/s1600/5.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="421" data-original-width="633" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSwHed5x-_HQ3kyitIXgbbPQ8HS5eIElKnlhCq_kIAnBqjuxipunfAqPXiXLjNDcBH4toqunOtQlIFKqoIg3PWtfg1JHd9WoNnstzhQU1V4bZjn_w4X0Ftt7G7mYtd5lVCUzlsW_KCWQQM/s400/5.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>FORESHADOWING! YAY!</i></span></td></tr>
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From that mess, we get introduced to our hero finally, Doc Smith, because if your name sounds incredibly made-up then you're probably in a Roger Corman movie. He's got a bit of drinking problem, where sunglasses at night like the hardcorest of hardcore Corey Hart fans, and tends to watch weird shows about lobotomies rather than patrol, but that doesn't seem to be getting in the way of him doing his job as a night watchman for a construction site. I mean, it's not like anyone can just wander up while he's not paying attention and...<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid8c3L5gV-m7GSLlAzz9E0i7MVLcOPn7lQg7AGf0VNMy_pAI3TafLqNb8o-h9SjWBNx1D9Qlen66O6P6bn8uJOHx38STru9p92UWn2pFE8tjfEMAYY-y-A37BloVsS0pISn0WJKt2UYfEB/s1600/6.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="427" data-original-width="637" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid8c3L5gV-m7GSLlAzz9E0i7MVLcOPn7lQg7AGf0VNMy_pAI3TafLqNb8o-h9SjWBNx1D9Qlen66O6P6bn8uJOHx38STru9p92UWn2pFE8tjfEMAYY-y-A37BloVsS0pISn0WJKt2UYfEB/s400/6.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Wow, you suck at your job, Doc.</i></span></td></tr>
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He chases off a few trespassers but one more lingers around looking like every generic burglar ever, so of course this is his love interest. No, really, meet Thrush. She's a young environmentalist and he takes her into his trailer to call the sheriff to come pick her up, but the sheriff's hands are a bit full picking up the pieces of the dead truck drivers from earlier. So, since the sheriff asks him to hold onto her until he can send a car to pick her up, surely Doc does just that.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJMbhktHGvyli-rxezu7PRPCIGs6UIYLC4jvROu4EOn4i52yR7RDqJOgyAaSkDyCiCoiS0DNwYwcq-Qeq6jyb4WVfnDttrJeSXdvO-mjDDeZ847vnZj7PrWxSkE_wKCGPgGnJgdYzTxB7P/s1600/7.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="512" data-original-width="777" height="262" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJMbhktHGvyli-rxezu7PRPCIGs6UIYLC4jvROu4EOn4i52yR7RDqJOgyAaSkDyCiCoiS0DNwYwcq-Qeq6jyb4WVfnDttrJeSXdvO-mjDDeZ847vnZj7PrWxSkE_wKCGPgGnJgdYzTxB7P/s400/7.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>And he's immediately in a deep booze-sleep. Our hero, folks.</i></span></td></tr>
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After a long scene of the coroner cutting off a wound sample from one of the bodies (that looks remarkably like a piece steak) to send to the lab, we then return to our villain as she tells her co-worker that they knew all this would happen. Thanks for that update that you're evil, Dr. Tiptree. Back to our hero as he wakes up from his whiskey coma to the sheriff showing. They go off to look for the rascally hippies that trespassed the previous night and Doc passes on identifying Thrush, because she's too cute to throw in jail.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinpsPtLx4iX_00-vlsdHbTynE0tzl3wCFOyqH4q2ilwb1Mk5FQlLEmJnB3dVhoZvqh5752EYdWad1yoX4pNqiv22lk-K-QM4bcnMy64KJ0ocE2NMXDJqhof0_WYrxLgf7nzktv1tQ76Mpt/s1600/8.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="520" data-original-width="779" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinpsPtLx4iX_00-vlsdHbTynE0tzl3wCFOyqH4q2ilwb1Mk5FQlLEmJnB3dVhoZvqh5752EYdWad1yoX4pNqiv22lk-K-QM4bcnMy64KJ0ocE2NMXDJqhof0_WYrxLgf7nzktv1tQ76Mpt/s400/8.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Look at her in her overalls with unnecessary suspenders. That's silly and adorable.</i></span></td></tr>
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Meanwhile, Tiptree's fellow badguy corporate type has a teenage daughter who decides to sneak out while he's on the phone telling goons to find the freaking dinosaur running around, so I'm sure the teenagers going off together won't end in a bloodbath. Enough of that though, let's get to some romance! Yes, Thrush and Doc get to have their moment together as they bond talking about how where they're at used to be a highway for dinosaurs. I guess that's a decent enough segue into a dinosaur attack, right? Bring on the drunk horny teenagers!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpSxTl4s2OdcQUOHZCHIf4qgih8IvelFmuxDIlF2wumohsUy1zmiS49VKhGGm6nE7o7PgB0nHIjSrmUAAZ27I51GWTobenOtzaHFAleFM910wGxdeib-65AI4zDA5tPi4Jx_0RMLbkeSHy/s1600/9.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="373" data-original-width="546" height="272" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpSxTl4s2OdcQUOHZCHIf4qgih8IvelFmuxDIlF2wumohsUy1zmiS49VKhGGm6nE7o7PgB0nHIjSrmUAAZ27I51GWTobenOtzaHFAleFM910wGxdeib-65AI4zDA5tPi4Jx_0RMLbkeSHy/s400/9.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>That bodycount isn't going to pad itself out.</i></span></td></tr>
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In the most unexpected of turns, the drunk teenagers trying to get laid all get butchered by our titular monster. See? It doesn't matter if you're at New Jersey camp with a dark past or in the middle of the desert, something is still gonna kill you for not using condoms. No glove, no internal organs. Also, fun fact: the tiny little dinosaur currently murdering everyone? Yeah, that's actually more scientifically accurate to the actual size velociraptors were. Basically, imagine chickens that mostly existed to disembowel you and there you go.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-37F8YnU3PSqxPLCsdUacpJFSSWPWphqmPYoeSzaHpkFPIteTs5eZ63E3RPiAvXc5-iivZL-yqko7y2CmEJeqXIzHrJrZuYvtca32ace-y5A_fcZ6-ysNl_x35_z7-NlWrhXh_maJcf4v/s1600/10.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="579" data-original-width="869" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-37F8YnU3PSqxPLCsdUacpJFSSWPWphqmPYoeSzaHpkFPIteTs5eZ63E3RPiAvXc5-iivZL-yqko7y2CmEJeqXIzHrJrZuYvtca32ace-y5A_fcZ6-ysNl_x35_z7-NlWrhXh_maJcf4v/s400/10.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Bringers of finger lickin' death.</i></span></td></tr>
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Back at evil corporate headquarters, we see a phone call about turnip cows...yes, really...and the results from that coroner's test earlier shows that the drivers were killed by a chicken apparently. Back at the romance subplot, Doc gets Thrush to take a ride with him by threatening to drive aimlessly around and pollute the atmosphere. How cute, he's so adorably disrespectful of her political beliefs. Such a lovely couple. Cue the dead body! Yeah, they run across one of those dead teenagers who is not quite dead and is whole lot more Latino now, despite talking like a surfer/stoner brah earlier. Guess having a tiny raptor eat your dick makes you revert to your cultural dialect. Where is that dinosaur, anyway?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDXbqKrvj2_LPSuVPmduoQqaKjJtYxCt3You5VOus-v_JSVZQ7oYvVsuur7EUFmIvhjHgrCIZ7qlzzN19gYG_Qgm6VPYPyqcMqNSexcO_nCO_yLbgG9ivTyMqH9z8k8EQdG3io5j3wHq7h/s1600/11.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="373" data-original-width="546" height="272" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDXbqKrvj2_LPSuVPmduoQqaKjJtYxCt3You5VOus-v_JSVZQ7oYvVsuur7EUFmIvhjHgrCIZ7qlzzN19gYG_Qgm6VPYPyqcMqNSexcO_nCO_yLbgG9ivTyMqH9z8k8EQdG3io5j3wHq7h/s400/11.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Clearly, he's off killing the guy he scratched earlier when he hatched. Better late than never.</i></span></td></tr>
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Our little boy has gotten quite a bit bigger. it's all those hormone fed teenagers, I tell ya! After finishing off the guy he probably should killed at the beginning of the film, it's back to the evil corporation as we see the guy in charge getting disturbingly excited about blueberry pie. But that whole thing is interrupted by this whole killer chicken dinosaur nonsense, which he's just not interested in. Where's Tiptree, our real villain? Well, after the co-worker whose daughter got ate earlier shows up in a very unhappy state to her lab, she prepares a little surprise for him in the form of another fucking dinosaur that's much bigger. Though I should mention she tells him he's going to see his still alive daughter, because Tiptree is kind of sick.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_wXQXAtfWcNGb6xdjQmjfX_91rWrWlhrmpbjnm3MUggOMh_CS11hBq09aDf7pNySwibeoDU2tf-z2xb2FI1GtQDJHmxJAjCt4Bh3ZcQF_rB2OhOCno0wuDKJ_dwmYKswcfIzKAsjkEYg2/s1600/12.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="357" data-original-width="546" height="261" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_wXQXAtfWcNGb6xdjQmjfX_91rWrWlhrmpbjnm3MUggOMh_CS11hBq09aDf7pNySwibeoDU2tf-z2xb2FI1GtQDJHmxJAjCt4Bh3ZcQF_rB2OhOCno0wuDKJ_dwmYKswcfIzKAsjkEYg2/s400/12.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>The violent trashing of his limp body in the giant carnivore's mouth really helps with the grief management.</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
But that's not enough blood, we need some more dead people in here! Bring me some hippies who think handcuffing themselves to construction equipment when lots of people are turning up dead is a good idea. Does our hero get them loose or stay to protect them? Nope, he goes off to get food at the local diner. Honestly, I kind of love Doc and his complete 'give no fucks' attitude to all of this. And hey, he brings us to Clint Howard! One can never have enough Clint Howard. Anyway, how're those hippies managing out in the middle of the desert while chained up with no way to escape?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiByjNcTj5x2bIJ1tCbwwlQwM2BM7YOVMfW0w6TWRrhuwrOMQFuxejE9WXwdu_LUIt6OSYfRuNlYQYZEkrRnqDfCgKIf0MacYPcjI2TQ9-F9nL3MK8fczDboAYNOwGf7ylzpBkC7bfGH2kY/s1600/13.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="375" data-original-width="546" height="273" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiByjNcTj5x2bIJ1tCbwwlQwM2BM7YOVMfW0w6TWRrhuwrOMQFuxejE9WXwdu_LUIt6OSYfRuNlYQYZEkrRnqDfCgKIf0MacYPcjI2TQ9-F9nL3MK8fczDboAYNOwGf7ylzpBkC7bfGH2kY/s400/13.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>She's probably rethinking this whole thing in a very big way right about now.</i></span></td></tr>
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They all get brutally murdered except for Thrush, the only one smart enough to be inside the cab of one of the vehicles, which means Doc's got some hope for romance still. Over at the coroner's office, the doctor tells the sheriff that all the recent deaths are the result of the same creature, only that it's getting bigger. back at Doc's trailer, the traumatized Thrush wakes up just in time to get attacked by a wandering dinosaur who's clearly still in the mood for hippie meat. Luckily for her, Doc left his shotgun and she shoots it. I mean, it's obviously not dead, but at least she's not being eaten. While that's happening, Doc sneaks into Tiptree's lab using the van that belonged to her dead workers that were out hunting for her pet dinosaur. She unzips the bodybag she assumes contains a tranquilized dino and instead finds one her lackeys dead.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCe0tQ3j_iu2Nt4rD-aCwT4VCAAa3TlCzLXkOAUTLcquFktLMY2IF46uw5fzGN3kUQr_hpcUlVpIxEde2vK9LGMqBIB_e3tdh2FDpQxCOHr84NZZ7ujD6BMoFoC3ULfYeH9aDNOU09zcKb/s1600/14.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="561" data-original-width="792" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCe0tQ3j_iu2Nt4rD-aCwT4VCAAa3TlCzLXkOAUTLcquFktLMY2IF46uw5fzGN3kUQr_hpcUlVpIxEde2vK9LGMqBIB_e3tdh2FDpQxCOHr84NZZ7ujD6BMoFoC3ULfYeH9aDNOU09zcKb/s400/14.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"Surprise, muthafucka!"</i></span></td></tr>
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She lays out her whole evil plan to him, since he has her at gunpoint. Basically, she wants to wipe out humanity and give the planet back to the dinosaurs and the best way to do this is with her little virus making all the women give birth to little womb-bursters. No really, we get to see one of these fuckers pull an Alien later. While Doc's letting all that info sink in, the sheriff finds a dinosaur fetus in a carton of eggs, which I'm fairly certain is putting him off omelettes for a while. All this information gets back to the company Tiptree works for, and since they're clearly more on the Umbrella spectrum of large companies, they decide the best call is to just kill everyone in the area and sterilize everything to make sure the infection is contained entirely. Let's ask the citizens of Raccoon City how well that works.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4707PQIvYPGh9K2pOgyOroyXf57B8kIWwORfXxJINySLnTICbTU7_z8itfIZclvvUQGaQzD0vn8wLyDl4twvijHZZgwEliYwj4cQTM0g_kQAYx86fH-cG0VLo1HvEyCPZZrzTGEUVUQAx/s1600/15.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="566" data-original-width="1001" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4707PQIvYPGh9K2pOgyOroyXf57B8kIWwORfXxJINySLnTICbTU7_z8itfIZclvvUQGaQzD0vn8wLyDl4twvijHZZgwEliYwj4cQTM0g_kQAYx86fH-cG0VLo1HvEyCPZZrzTGEUVUQAx/s400/15.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Insert zombie moans here.</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Final act here, so that means everything goes to hell. We've got women giving birth to stillborn dinosaurs, guys in hazmat suits gunning down people, and Tiptree sics her big dinosaur on Doc since the little one is busy killing the sheriff while he also kills it following it eating all the animals in a pet shop. But there's good news because Doc has a serum that can save everyone! Bad news though, he's still got a giant dinosaur to deal with. Now if only he had access to some large machinery to fight it off with. We'll get to that James Cameron rip-off scene, because first we've got a Ridley Scott rip-off scene to see.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGcNN-iXGXUAWc9D_dbJX_i-kOjpF89Yehg6tcY-hBamJXd7GUxV6_igNIIlTyUSIVy55yr90UkZNlJuAy91cSIq8_77NpfYOdtus-0qzd6pqqkt6qSscvp-8qG6R9B08zX3RxNPqIY5pd/s1600/16.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="374" data-original-width="546" height="273" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGcNN-iXGXUAWc9D_dbJX_i-kOjpF89Yehg6tcY-hBamJXd7GUxV6_igNIIlTyUSIVy55yr90UkZNlJuAy91cSIq8_77NpfYOdtus-0qzd6pqqkt6qSscvp-8qG6R9B08zX3RxNPqIY5pd/s400/16.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Congratulations, it's a lawsuit.</i></span></td></tr>
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Doc makes it back to Thrush, who is clearly sick, but that's okay because he's got the cure. But wait, wasn't there a big dinosaur chasing him? Oh shit, he better go handle that in the most badass way currently available: fighting it with a piece of construction equipment while protecting his sick sorta-girlfriend. I'm sure it won't remind anyone in any way of a scene from a much more famous scene starring Sigourney Weaver.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPxrewRsYT7Y7y0aEnLAgjIaykFL9rgU49A7tFd8zxHRcKkNscX8vg739hPS9zO53uI67Y0QFI486tbpRPj0eIV4pbwCw41-Ke65Lv23IconUl6Aodiv1MeDSHDhaaDuiQRhOYEl620pDP/s1600/17.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="368" data-original-width="546" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPxrewRsYT7Y7y0aEnLAgjIaykFL9rgU49A7tFd8zxHRcKkNscX8vg739hPS9zO53uI67Y0QFI486tbpRPj0eIV4pbwCw41-Ke65Lv23IconUl6Aodiv1MeDSHDhaaDuiQRhOYEl620pDP/s400/17.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU BITCH!"</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Doc kills the dinosaur, takes Thrush back to his trailer, gives her the cure, and the day is saved. Oops, we forgot all about that hazmat kill squad wandering around didn't we? Yes, in a twist straight out of a Claudio Fragasso movie, the film ends with Doc and Thrush getting shot to shit and being set on fire as they and the cure all burn, dooming humanity forever. At least, it would if the sequels actually followed that plot point up rather than ignoring it outright.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH7kZ7uK8bGBTZKMjEZIUxxsoXS0gQ-eJkR7eC36YjziK4y5ewzhuVTaPO6iHC4QiIzuJUWXPBibSkaX_lP5j4yUH-yFC6B79WbtMcDq0I8GkHuWQ7DnvFBgpn4I4zQjAVGhBlv2sBigJW/s1600/18.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="560" data-original-width="781" height="286" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH7kZ7uK8bGBTZKMjEZIUxxsoXS0gQ-eJkR7eC36YjziK4y5ewzhuVTaPO6iHC4QiIzuJUWXPBibSkaX_lP5j4yUH-yFC6B79WbtMcDq0I8GkHuWQ7DnvFBgpn4I4zQjAVGhBlv2sBigJW/s400/18.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>At least they didn't turn out to be mutant rat people.</i></span></td></tr>
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Overall, Carnosaur is an entertaining little monster movie that, despite the bleak ending, still managed to result in enough staying power to become a franchise. Not an especially good franchise, mind you, but at least they're better than some other ones I've talked about in the past. Again, I will be returning to these films sooner rather than later. If you love dinosaur violence and don't mind rubber puppets gnawing on legs, I'd say you should check this one out. Decent performances, some solid low-budget practical effects work, and at least one scene for all you pie fetishists out there. Later days, bleeders!Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-5983443900336578822018-07-04T15:00:00.002-07:002018-07-04T15:00:54.374-07:00Gigantis the Fire Monster (1959)<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoNmRhWvj78dIeX4fbQS2FOHtgDgVNHXVdCKrgcc1eLc0Wu3PIpJKduyizNaVLHNXesfvK5y4lIJEkFGRNFvWOoevC3m0gifCsMUASJVHaG0YcvqqGIM2enh5kV_ImAVYfVR1bxxWtDS0B/s1600/1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="604" data-original-width="1007" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoNmRhWvj78dIeX4fbQS2FOHtgDgVNHXVdCKrgcc1eLc0Wu3PIpJKduyizNaVLHNXesfvK5y4lIJEkFGRNFvWOoevC3m0gifCsMUASJVHaG0YcvqqGIM2enh5kV_ImAVYfVR1bxxWtDS0B/s400/1.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Watching this is way more patriotic than shooting off illegal fireworks.</i></span></td></tr>
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Welcome to Kaijuly 2018, bleeders! And I have been sitting on something special just to kick this year's festivities off with, because this movie right here is one of the most forgotten and overlooked giant monster flicks out there. Remember back in the day when Godzilla got brought to America dubbed with a slightly re-written plot and an American star injected into it? Well, its direct sequel got brought stateside too but it endured much heavier edits. We're talking new scenes being shot with the original suits, Godzilla's roar being replaced completely with Anguirus' own, and even the near complete loss of Masaru Sato's original soundtrack in favour of public domain tracks. But the most confusing change was that of the name, because it was believed that the idea of bringing Godzilla back made no sense after he was killed off in the original film.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8tDUJInGEgsEKdEOTrjjaarMIsfFtpBr5FXHRQE9_PsEHICZ8R9SJd9JEMDXnFzclrG-We1eOpHrt85kYQlo6pguGtsefdD-ImQXWtHT_k_6aUFLzP1NoeYeRTWpCi5149L-udut75_PW/s1600/2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="636" data-original-width="1056" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8tDUJInGEgsEKdEOTrjjaarMIsfFtpBr5FXHRQE9_PsEHICZ8R9SJd9JEMDXnFzclrG-We1eOpHrt85kYQlo6pguGtsefdD-ImQXWtHT_k_6aUFLzP1NoeYeRTWpCi5149L-udut75_PW/s400/2.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Yeah, can you imagine what it'd be like if a vanquished monster kept getting brought back for new movies? That'd be silly.</i></span></td></tr>
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If you can't tell, this whole thing was a bit of a clusterfuck and they most assuredly weren't going to backpedal, so it did indeed get released to audiences who I fairly certain kept wondering why Godzilla was being called Gigantis and sounded like...well, we'll get to that later. My own parents have no recollection of this film and my uncle only knows about it due to Svengoolie, so going into it I am filled with more than a little trepidation. Here's hoping it won't put me to sleep like the American version of Varan did. No, I wasn't kidding, that movie literally put me to sleep. I still have yet to see the entire movie because it was just so boring. Sad but true. Anyway, let's dive into the dumpster fire and see if we can get some joy from it.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw2NaMkwaD7hWEQBaDT2FzaYu93Zxy09yRqFpkp_RnVktT87wE2GIg50yrlJ0_UXzsmWiA_rC0Hfp68wvcIms1u-ff_FOGiZYl5dCw7F5NH5YhWFWau1zJlPEVTrcSaHrTsmIzR4Pb7s_d/s1600/3.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="637" data-original-width="953" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw2NaMkwaD7hWEQBaDT2FzaYu93Zxy09yRqFpkp_RnVktT87wE2GIg50yrlJ0_UXzsmWiA_rC0Hfp68wvcIms1u-ff_FOGiZYl5dCw7F5NH5YhWFWau1zJlPEVTrcSaHrTsmIzR4Pb7s_d/s400/3.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Oops, too late. All joy just got destroyed by a hydrogen bomb in the first minute of the movie.</i></span></td></tr>
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As you can probably gather, the movie opens on a hydrogen bomb exploding, which totally doesn't make anyone think of Godzilla or anything...*coughcoughPaulShreibmanwasanidiotcough*...sorry, allergies. The narrator exposits about how scary technology is, because this is the 1950s and this story will ultimately be about how bad progress is. Clearly, we should all just wander back into caves and just forage for survival. You wanna go fuck that bear? Feel free to, because knowing not to fuck large predators would be progressive and we all know how bad that is.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBpKCc7i9q2vS7sgZSwLgvz_eUeF9d_q8MGk9VFIpvlPp2lH2v6X8_mEsLbKQmD1wP5upEF7K_8k5cR0TUpMhIx5PdtEhFSBE7wPpupejS5POF9Bw8prNKno6KOpYMk7GNefNsm78HQogy/s1600/4.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="572" data-original-width="892" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBpKCc7i9q2vS7sgZSwLgvz_eUeF9d_q8MGk9VFIpvlPp2lH2v6X8_mEsLbKQmD1wP5upEF7K_8k5cR0TUpMhIx5PdtEhFSBE7wPpupejS5POF9Bw8prNKno6KOpYMk7GNefNsm78HQogy/s400/4.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"YEAH! PROGRESS IS FOR FILTHY COMMIE LIBERALS!!"</i></span></td></tr>
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After the long-winded exposition is done, we're introduced to Shoichi Tsukioka and Koji Kobayashi. They're just two simple dudes looking for tuna and babes, as any young 1950s Japanese red-blooded man would. Also, there's a weird bit of exposition from Tsukioka about how important catching all this tuna is and how the tuna industry is going to save everyone. Capitalism: it's not just for Americans anymore! but what this is really all about is him being able to talk to his main squeeze when he radios into headquarters, the lovely Hidemi. After all, every giant monster film needs a pretty face and it can't always be Godzilla.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqG_XY6uCPfs2g2g8bdInxK0EmjBiv7XVjusJjVIjpmduHxCVoEB4oAfSTUC5_OBdaanB5O2FGJSZet511Jg3oQmgHK3ibHe6tc7Q0THRjdmKbryb00l6gXrDOU99FVp71UdZIVzx4EJui/s1600/5.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="587" data-original-width="861" height="272" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqG_XY6uCPfs2g2g8bdInxK0EmjBiv7XVjusJjVIjpmduHxCVoEB4oAfSTUC5_OBdaanB5O2FGJSZet511Jg3oQmgHK3ibHe6tc7Q0THRjdmKbryb00l6gXrDOU99FVp71UdZIVzx4EJui/s400/5.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"THE HELL IT CAN'T!"</i></span></td></tr>
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After some flirting and a plan for a date, Tsukioka decides to remember he's got a buddy who should probably get some story time, so we see Kobayashi in peril as he has to make an impromptu emergency crash landing on Iwato Island. Most of this is...explained via exposition...like Varan was...oh lord, please no. Don't do this to me again. No, we can do this, there's gotta be a point where the exposition leaves and we just get a narrative with dialogue. So, where were we? Right, Kobayashi is on the rocks at a beach, Tsukioka sees him, and he looks for a good spot to land. Again, while all this is happening, his narration exposits all of this to us as if we cannot bloody see it in front of our eyes.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJxOSCgYZMCuKeJB7Y2Sfw9F2MYDJGHUy18PP14jUSKBHRBWqAlRNAhp4kfGh6nixaITazdJlmYAJH4GuDk2ZRxMcXuzZFDatwoaCObN-nF4yNd7ru7qS9QXV6A2lISy9nbG3mzMZYFHpC/s1600/6.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="616" data-original-width="953" height="257" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJxOSCgYZMCuKeJB7Y2Sfw9F2MYDJGHUy18PP14jUSKBHRBWqAlRNAhp4kfGh6nixaITazdJlmYAJH4GuDk2ZRxMcXuzZFDatwoaCObN-nF4yNd7ru7qS9QXV6A2lISy9nbG3mzMZYFHpC/s400/6.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"But if I don't explain every single thing happening, how will I know what I already did?"</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
He lands, they build a fire, he notices his BFF has a hurt wrist, and then he tells him to go buy the ladies a present in town when they get back as they laugh at their own sexism. Hahahaha, when do the monsters arrive, because I kind of want these guys to get eaten? Like, I know it's the 1950s but I don't remember the male heroes from the first movie being so...douchey. They also didn't spend a ton of time expositing shit to the audience as if we were all blind. So, again, where are those monsters?<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb7_cmBfSn0LQjz3NGdS7BO5w4k0QaxL6-29wWJL8zlBXe9iR3o3ISOqEB3uchKc3eXzNkm3Q9pWC_X5tYm-RpP1-aGl5s95Bj0k6_WEwNZezTcpAtbc1Fz9ASPIKxmB8SQWNhPPVHkH8t/s1600/7.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="627" data-original-width="944" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb7_cmBfSn0LQjz3NGdS7BO5w4k0QaxL6-29wWJL8zlBXe9iR3o3ISOqEB3uchKc3eXzNkm3Q9pWC_X5tYm-RpP1-aGl5s95Bj0k6_WEwNZezTcpAtbc1Fz9ASPIKxmB8SQWNhPPVHkH8t/s400/7.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>"BEEP BEEP, MOTHERFUCKERS!"</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The two morons we're saddled with collectively shit themselves as Godz...Gigantis...shows up, scrambling to cover. one says "what are those things" which makes me respond with "I only saw one thing" before the movie then shows Gigantis is fighting Anguirus. Why are they fighting? Probably over who gets to use the Anguirus roar. I'm voting for Anguirus because hearing that roar when this weird neutered Godzilla clone in on screen is so bloody weird. The idiot patrol here decides that they should keep hiding underneath where the monsters are fighting, because they're pretty dumb and then escape to Tsukioka's plane where they fly to Osaka. Again, this happens via exposition. We're less than ten minutes into this movie and I already hate our human characters.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgToO7AJQ9PfLe9CIiQE9dEkEQQmjPUAFyZ92E4Dgk5nXFMLQgNvavWzfkHesAuj1zif5bhV0qN9m6fWq2V2nM1xEICEyx6c-GBJQZqoaH7m3vlmhC_AP00Q-SK_6Baq0xSvFm6zhipexuJ/s1600/8.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="609" data-original-width="939" height="258" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgToO7AJQ9PfLe9CIiQE9dEkEQQmjPUAFyZ92E4Dgk5nXFMLQgNvavWzfkHesAuj1zif5bhV0qN9m6fWq2V2nM1xEICEyx6c-GBJQZqoaH7m3vlmhC_AP00Q-SK_6Baq0xSvFm6zhipexuJ/s400/8.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Meanwhile, the two characters we actually give a shit about go for a little swim.</i></span></td></tr>
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We're going to try and sum this up a bit more and ignore most of the narration, because otherwise I'm just going to write several paragraphs about my genuine annoyance at having the main human dude narrate everything to us. They go to the authorities and are then brought to scientists who give them "pictures of every prehistoric monster", which is something I guess they just had laying around, and they identify the monster battling Gigantis was an Anguillasaurus. I really hate these names, so we're going to just go back to calling them who they actually are: Godzilla and Anguirus. According to them, the two monsters coexisted and pretty much hate one another, so this whole thing is very bad.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2IKFJZFKO_VtNOx2MtAQAMHqhsWUtrsSqfF_1zGZdQCyICGcJkf8oQGm9Wl2DCN_cYlIIcaW9imiFmNugdGRaseL-4JOuAOlyYrU0logRvvnC_HQug5PiAiD6FAcgP8l2hKIUIn9hpMWE/s1600/9.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="631" data-original-width="955" height="263" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2IKFJZFKO_VtNOx2MtAQAMHqhsWUtrsSqfF_1zGZdQCyICGcJkf8oQGm9Wl2DCN_cYlIIcaW9imiFmNugdGRaseL-4JOuAOlyYrU0logRvvnC_HQug5PiAiD6FAcgP8l2hKIUIn9hpMWE/s400/9.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"It says here that we're well and pretty fucked."</i></span></td></tr>
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From here, they really do basically say they're fucked and then they watch a film of...the first dinosaur? It's just a derpy looking thing rising from a boiling puddle and I find myself asking how they got this footage. Like, is this just a recreation with puppets? Because it looks about as real as the real monsters do, so I'm confused. And wouldn't you know it, I just realized we're sitting through more exposition. Oh joy. Also, footage from Godzilla, because Paul Shreibman is a huge jackass. Summing it up: monsters are real because radiation and these two want to beat each other up, H-bombs woke up Anguirus thus making it man's fault yet again, and Serizawa is dead so no more Oxygen Destroyer to bail them out this time. Got it? Groovy.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeXmUcGMStFPt5rqFsX6VnakVqUhMMz4olcQqkdfub1X1HV3BFKTItVafhHcNByvGm4applTF4TLvrRIeVN2rQTeQ6Q4sSLFMO47Ytf7rcSSy6EJcGfgL7h86tiVpj0c4ZN2FP5gQUnSSB/s1600/10.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="603" data-original-width="946" height="253" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeXmUcGMStFPt5rqFsX6VnakVqUhMMz4olcQqkdfub1X1HV3BFKTItVafhHcNByvGm4applTF4TLvrRIeVN2rQTeQ6Q4sSLFMO47Ytf7rcSSy6EJcGfgL7h86tiVpj0c4ZN2FP5gQUnSSB/s400/10.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"Yes, but how did Godzilla come back to life and why are we calling it Gigantis now? Because I am really confused."</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Nevermind all of that, the plan is to black out the city lights and use flares to lure the monsters out to sea before this movie becomes too derivative. It seems to be a good idea, because apparently lights infuriate them, at least in this movie, and Godzilla begins waddling away from all the easily destroyed buildings full of scared Japanese people. Meanwhile, a bus of prisoners decides now's the perfect time to escape and jump into a fuel truck to get away from the cops. Because fate must really hate Osaka, this results in them crashing it into a flammable building and creates a massive fire that draws Godzilla's attention back to shore.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOC9QqTmV-R0C3MHRYGpMfDSehbu5y5R7-8XeSCMPzMsf-t2dx3obppfiGJ7Vjm-g20drnfTwNCFpj9Fb8IpqliIK634ngSnJSa2IFKclAdCg0cIwcgA0BjZSspqjQ-FGisfpuKHGS6VZo/s1600/11.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="596" data-original-width="953" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOC9QqTmV-R0C3MHRYGpMfDSehbu5y5R7-8XeSCMPzMsf-t2dx3obppfiGJ7Vjm-g20drnfTwNCFpj9Fb8IpqliIK634ngSnJSa2IFKclAdCg0cIwcgA0BjZSspqjQ-FGisfpuKHGS6VZo/s400/11.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"GET FUCKED, OSAKA!"</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Sensing it's time to actually have some monster action, Anguirus arrives and the main event can finally begin. They battle across the land, destroyed everything unlucky enough to be caught in their wake. This includes the tuna cannery that our incredibly annoying "hero" works for, which means I am now very happy because I am full of hatred for him and his tuna industry propaganda. I'm also pretty sure that some of those prisoners from earlier get drowned here too, but I thought they all either died or got re-arrested. Oh well, this shit was kind of their fault, so screw 'em. Godzilla also sounds less like Anguirus now and more like a loud fart ran through a tuba. Lovely.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0GgDAQzOj1hDfBEOTLhF1Py62LW8F-SkVkMDazaisXrXepzjOfEQPaPVM-c7D4be4AhGgRiYDjV6bmfoGMYrgkSHueQo091GqfNvQfrK6Y4W1zAfVv5qYe4EEf6Bn6gtaUVGgeqxVpCZD/s1600/12.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="578" data-original-width="946" height="243" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0GgDAQzOj1hDfBEOTLhF1Py62LW8F-SkVkMDazaisXrXepzjOfEQPaPVM-c7D4be4AhGgRiYDjV6bmfoGMYrgkSHueQo091GqfNvQfrK6Y4W1zAfVv5qYe4EEf6Bn6gtaUVGgeqxVpCZD/s400/12.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Observe as Godzilla forces his enemy to sniff his farts, showing his complete and total dishonour to the spiked menace.</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Godzilla then finally ends the fight, killing Anguirus at Osaka Castle with a heavy dose of atomic fire breath. Not gonna lie, I feel bad for Anguirus. His cries are kind of like a hurt animal more than a terrifying giant monster. Thankfully for him, no monster ever stays dead in the Godzilla universe. And because I am really tired of the humans and their needless exposition, let's just get to the conclusion. If you ignore most of the useless bits, the movie only really has like 15 minutes left, tops. Our heroes end up encountering Godzilla after some time passes. Kobayashi tries to play chicken and loses badly, Tsukioka has jets fire missiles at the icy mountain nearby, and Godzilla gets buried. They get medals, he gets to go home to his girlfriend, and I get to be done.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZNpA5C9FH4Yam0Xs719BIA_iTFiq27YZa4IVpwnoT5of5vXg6l-sykqHJZDyB5oGahwsl6zGI_qt_eFCLlfv1ZpsPPT9MpqttTqZCCrzY9rtXHRAI83ZN50gjdG1fYUuduab1tpo0vrGP/s1600/13.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="588" data-original-width="953" height="246" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZNpA5C9FH4Yam0Xs719BIA_iTFiq27YZa4IVpwnoT5of5vXg6l-sykqHJZDyB5oGahwsl6zGI_qt_eFCLlfv1ZpsPPT9MpqttTqZCCrzY9rtXHRAI83ZN50gjdG1fYUuduab1tpo0vrGP/s400/13.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Let's all have a moment of silence for my ass, which has died now because I cannot afford a comfortable chair.</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
That was a chore to get through, let me tell you. I really wanted to talk about it though because most people give me weird looks when I bring the film up. While it does largely follow the same plot of the original Japanese version, Godzilla Raids Again, it has a lot of extra EXPOSITION that really makes the movie feel overlong and boring. I've heard people complain about too much focus on human characters in regards to new American film, but clearly they've never sat through this nonsense. In the aftermath, I don't care about anything really beyond being done. I do not recommend Gigantis the Fire Monster but Godzilla Raids Again isn't bad. It's definitely better than what I just sat through. Don't worry though, next time we're going to talk about something much more entertaining: a Roger Corman movie. Later days, bleeders!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ01GfAF7OrCuOb7qvjtLHJJkTYwcS8NXY2mJ4_y7lhsnurM8JEKmzbAxdwoJct6FadEQPbDGhjAVDlH6Sh9Vg68IUKJF_0P0JiZaNjd2UlP_zlBJyCFV8_jH5C5HtOr7zzmCNqtS6uk99/s1600/14.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="613" data-original-width="1042" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ01GfAF7OrCuOb7qvjtLHJJkTYwcS8NXY2mJ4_y7lhsnurM8JEKmzbAxdwoJct6FadEQPbDGhjAVDlH6Sh9Vg68IUKJF_0P0JiZaNjd2UlP_zlBJyCFV8_jH5C5HtOr7zzmCNqtS6uk99/s400/14.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"THAT'S ALL, FUCKS!"</i></span></td></tr>
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<br />Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-88554132357990051122018-06-08T16:55:00.003-07:002019-01-22T14:12:48.836-08:00My Ten Favourite Supernatural Creatures from the Ghostbusters Mythos<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_Ld2kdC4LMqPpBaIWuB7y2gw3phdzj22Mp4IQqx1XFZ5J3_lAV2brBRRhgIqmRq1_XiVPeSvNU-vgA95knxNTu2n2xWPhlekkllH066V6LI3jyh3Kvz0Tirs8tqOtymJlvv3vMRUEDo6m/s1600/1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="706" data-original-width="1252" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_Ld2kdC4LMqPpBaIWuB7y2gw3phdzj22Mp4IQqx1XFZ5J3_lAV2brBRRhgIqmRq1_XiVPeSvNU-vgA95knxNTu2n2xWPhlekkllH066V6LI3jyh3Kvz0Tirs8tqOtymJlvv3vMRUEDo6m/s400/1.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Obligatory obvious ghosts likely won't be on this list though. Sorry.</i></span></td></tr>
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<br />
There's a lot of things out there that I love in that way that only a geek can (i.e. obsessively). G.I. Joe, Transformers, Young Justice, Critters, Suikoden, Persona, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Jason Voorhees, Aliens, Predator, obscure British Marvel superheroes...but among all of them, I have always a fairly large place in my heart for the Ghostbusters. I love most everything Ghostbusters, barring a certain comic that came out a long while back that people thankfully don't talk about much. I even love the Filmation Ghostbusters. Yes, the one with the gorilla and the talking car.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-o_IDCsd9BqggO1hnQXJ4rG2YVLirZT0Mr-JWL6j_ul2gbzZclAa2fWmC9eqedpt7eKPHQ0J0Pk_Y7CxbTMIqSv2nPBx4EU9BgO33QpO-GoyTNOKVblu76NzS8lqH7X6WDcH47oUkrKMk/s1600/2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="408" data-original-width="728" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-o_IDCsd9BqggO1hnQXJ4rG2YVLirZT0Mr-JWL6j_ul2gbzZclAa2fWmC9eqedpt7eKPHQ0J0Pk_Y7CxbTMIqSv2nPBx4EU9BgO33QpO-GoyTNOKVblu76NzS8lqH7X6WDcH47oUkrKMk/s400/2.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Talking. Fucking. Car. You'd be wrong not to like this show.</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Despite what some very vocal "fans" would have you believe, there's a lot more to Ghostbusters than two movies starring some very talented old comedic actors. Three movies, four television shows, countless comics, and various toys of all shapes and sizes (that includes video games). Ghostbusters is a mammoth franchise and I adore it. But what good is a series about supernatural fighting heroes without them supernatural ghoulies? Thus, on this Ghostbusters Day, I have decided to narrow down my ten favourite supernatural creatures from the entire mythos, Filmation included. They won't be in any order because, frankly, narrowing it down to ten is hard enough witohut having to rank them against one another. Slimer and Stay Puft are exempt from this list though, as they are too obvious and we all adore them. That said, let's get to bustin'.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPFTbPwc349V-tudhoaqjsHyO2u_zQcE7ihyphenhyphen1U8ZGL3X6xlecJbB_Tev0Cht2fNgkKwputzrq5z7R23I1hS0V9yJP7adpLS9nZ3IdIp3FZ5N_i5YvxYC_DR-oNpKKl-zJvAy49EErzUu-6/s1600/3.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="667" data-original-width="928" height="287" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPFTbPwc349V-tudhoaqjsHyO2u_zQcE7ihyphenhyphen1U8ZGL3X6xlecJbB_Tev0Cht2fNgkKwputzrq5z7R23I1hS0V9yJP7adpLS9nZ3IdIp3FZ5N_i5YvxYC_DR-oNpKKl-zJvAy49EErzUu-6/s400/3.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>In my heart and mind, this will always be canon.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>Irena Cortez</b><br />
<br />
When I was a kid I went to the video stores in our area constantly, but the best one was always Jett Video (which eventually changed names to Box Office Video). They had the best selection and the lady who worked there was always the best. She liked us too, a point she hammered home when she started giving me these packs of Now Comics for free. And almost every single pack had an issue of The Real Ghostbusters in it. Thanks to this, I got really invested in that series and my favourite thing about it was that Peter Venkman had a girlfriend...who was a werewolf. That is the best. She helped them out as a werewolf a few times during the series and I hope she gets brought back someday over at IDW. Fingers crossed.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhym1_dEjrgqBvU_JDvQYNHkn40T6Yscc78BQPn7HIhi7I1_0uRNV5-duZqhxGoqfrac0v8OnEMZNVIci5H2G1nfLFVPtgsYTIx-03QHvxALYYpDy1aN4dfKq9elxiKYdSAbPBBj6BYWEQ_/s1600/4.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="589" data-original-width="885" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhym1_dEjrgqBvU_JDvQYNHkn40T6Yscc78BQPn7HIhi7I1_0uRNV5-duZqhxGoqfrac0v8OnEMZNVIci5H2G1nfLFVPtgsYTIx-03QHvxALYYpDy1aN4dfKq9elxiKYdSAbPBBj6BYWEQ_/s400/4.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Ah, the ghost who introduced a whole generation to the concept of "bad touch".</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>The Grundel</b><br />
<br />
This bastard right here messed a lot of kids up. I remember the controversy that he was basically a ghost child molester (as perceived by parents) and I knew kids who were scared shitless of him. In all honesty, he reminds me a lot of the scene from Salem's Lot where the little kid vampire tries to coax another kid to open their window. Basically, this a spirit who preys on the innocence of children, desiring to twist them into doing horrible things until they too become a Grundel. For a bit of added creep factor, this particular one had a very specific hang-up with Kylie, one of the Extreme Ghostbusters. And yes, there has been porn about that. I do not want to ever talk about it because it all makes me deeply uncomfortable. But yeah, this creeper has serious staying power and always stuck out as a true threat.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2Lmfnh3Z_bdSOIxw0fflfZZzeNvOawNZwv_h-4Q9FqU44GS6k6RwfwU_2L_e5YqtKbkRQThbCU_6FJMjan5JfKuHHCTdurVZCWUDVmtDRzeZN6R0KDiIDHtlR77RMy05z1wKUp9JdNGUD/s1600/5.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="630" data-original-width="930" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2Lmfnh3Z_bdSOIxw0fflfZZzeNvOawNZwv_h-4Q9FqU44GS6k6RwfwU_2L_e5YqtKbkRQThbCU_6FJMjan5JfKuHHCTdurVZCWUDVmtDRzeZN6R0KDiIDHtlR77RMy05z1wKUp9JdNGUD/s400/5.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"We have such copyrights to infringe upon!"</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>The Vatheks</b><br />
<br />
This may seem like cheating, but it's my list so blow me. Have you ever wondered what kid-friendly Cenobites might look like? Well, keep wondering, because these fuckers were not kid-friendly in the least. Craniac, Corpuscle, and Gristle appeared in an episode of Extreme Ghostbusters that was a very clear homage to Clive Barker's favourite bondage demons and there was no beating around the bush as the episode literally begins with a dude being mutilated and possibly murdered. The Ghostbusters cartoons did not fuck around. Come to think of it, there were a lot of horror movie references throughout the three different cartoons. Gotta love that.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo3VlEPe_qqKsl10sM8bpka4HEpAurZ9WnMoJ_XOJO1Dg0CylaAhMSmZpuUDQk0IgLn0JWBN-tpi39dT-qfV6CZHrP7aNAVRsMr4SnhQ8RwxeEIVgF1GChJuuTjWMjaultEuwS5X67MKI7/s1600/6.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="579" data-original-width="856" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo3VlEPe_qqKsl10sM8bpka4HEpAurZ9WnMoJ_XOJO1Dg0CylaAhMSmZpuUDQk0IgLn0JWBN-tpi39dT-qfV6CZHrP7aNAVRsMr4SnhQ8RwxeEIVgF1GChJuuTjWMjaultEuwS5X67MKI7/s400/6.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Since he's from a video game, I guess he's really just a ghost in the machine.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>Silk Hatton</b><br />
<br />
Look, what do you want me to say? He looks really cool and he's from the best Ghostbusters game that was out during my childhood. Look at him, a dapper headless gentleman ghost walking around and then you say "where's his head" right before it bursts out of the hat to eat you. This guy was always a ghost I wanted a toy of but he never got one. All these dickheads bitching about the last movie and I'm just sitting here wanting Ghostbusters to get successful enough again so I can get a new line of ghost toys featuring obscure video game enemies. A man can dream.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjPFsIckH3Ra_CmE892_dvpwJ_LaGmP17bfiLZfwBWRrkYNk1w2wqOL9X_WnwA8Ydb8Raf9BDCq9WR3YkJI9FehEhg2Vsz_H9BOcfcSCtufwgOvoG6FX_iyU67XCaTIRNlhXGwChQ6-5ID/s1600/7.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="578" data-original-width="853" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjPFsIckH3Ra_CmE892_dvpwJ_LaGmP17bfiLZfwBWRrkYNk1w2wqOL9X_WnwA8Ydb8Raf9BDCq9WR3YkJI9FehEhg2Vsz_H9BOcfcSCtufwgOvoG6FX_iyU67XCaTIRNlhXGwChQ6-5ID/s400/7.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>When I was little I used to think his collar was hair. I don't know why.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>Prime Evil</b><br />
<br />
Hey, look! A Filmation ghost character! Yeah, some "fans" would burn me at the stake for including any of the ghost or monsters from that series, but I'm gonna anyway. This here is the big bad of the series and you can tell. He's a got an iconic look, a weird annoying sidekick, he yells at his furry henchman all the time. Basically, he's ghost Skeletor. And I love Skeletor like the desert loves the rain, so you know I love Prime Evil. I even own this weird little badly painted figurine of him. I should make Filmation Ghostbusters customs.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFTvY6G96mqETVbSM1xf-6tE5w6PYW1yNxYyk61VOfjEdVmC_J25Hl0dmMM9XnjJCB7DdhCIFGrYL6HefmH8Mw73TxG1qF-iqpm8LiGa7T86o1tCL35NwgYMKF0z1I7UhYpOrxeg0aRSfi/s1600/8.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="628" data-original-width="889" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFTvY6G96mqETVbSM1xf-6tE5w6PYW1yNxYyk61VOfjEdVmC_J25Hl0dmMM9XnjJCB7DdhCIFGrYL6HefmH8Mw73TxG1qF-iqpm8LiGa7T86o1tCL35NwgYMKF0z1I7UhYpOrxeg0aRSfi/s400/8.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Speaking of ghosts that never got toys...</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>Boogaloo</b><br />
<br />
During the run of the Real Ghostbusters, there were a handful of massive ghosts that popped up and they were like candy to a kaiju loving kid like me. But the king of them all? This big red abomination right here, who basically looks like a totem pole of pain. He showed up during the primetime Halloween special, The Halloween Door, which was mostly about some old gobshite trying to destroy Halloween because he hated it. It backfired spectacularly though and he instead released Boogaloo on New York. He was a huge funky singing machine of mass destruction and it was glourious. Sadly, as the caption up there says, we never got a toy of him. He'd look great on my kaiju shelf.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW0KVdqnHYSPqp_6UzFubcde8Xf8Vl6dF372nMwu3UmPF-UP4zET_nrFb4-ykAO8umZ6uBPasigGq_WGUI1Z5rg6F9XPbFqgAz14GMoC-SW7z0UA17CAuc2tKOIM6uzejt1Im4xI2KcF7w/s1600/9.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="700" data-original-width="995" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW0KVdqnHYSPqp_6UzFubcde8Xf8Vl6dF372nMwu3UmPF-UP4zET_nrFb4-ykAO8umZ6uBPasigGq_WGUI1Z5rg6F9XPbFqgAz14GMoC-SW7z0UA17CAuc2tKOIM6uzejt1Im4xI2KcF7w/s400/9.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Also known to my Twitter followers as the other ghostly member of the Ghostbusters.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>Vigo the Carpathian</b><br />
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If the caption up there confuses you, then you should be following me on Twitter as I crusade to redeem him (#VigoRedemptionArc). Yes, that is a real thing. My logic is that since he possessed Ray, who was wearing his Ghostbusters gear, Vigo was a card carrying Ghostbuster and thus is a member via technicality. Bearing that all in mind, it shouldn't surprise you that he's one of my favourite ghosts. He's menacing, has some of the most quotable villain lines ever, and is voiced by Max Von Sydow. Vigo is the man and bustin' potentially makes him feel good, assuming he's not the one being busted.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcnVcJ2rRhoY8OfIwVTZnDcvd20KQi1NIIGvQk1qPnbDFufGVgkJD07VFiyodsoQZKp3XrZV8eQ_ftbOJSdOqH9bczr61ItKPoq6WNdHJ1Ka71AotzkdN7_eP-A3HedKWiXNEMTbWtr3-F/s1600/10.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="580" data-original-width="822" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcnVcJ2rRhoY8OfIwVTZnDcvd20KQi1NIIGvQk1qPnbDFufGVgkJD07VFiyodsoQZKp3XrZV8eQ_ftbOJSdOqH9bczr61ItKPoq6WNdHJ1Ka71AotzkdN7_eP-A3HedKWiXNEMTbWtr3-F/s400/10.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Grandma, what a big overbite you have.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>Wat</b><br />
<br />
I probably mentioned previously that my earliest memories of the Ghostbusters are not of the movies but of the Real Ghostbusters cartoon series. Among that early recollection, the second episode I recall watching (as they often got aired out of any real order) was Mrs' Roger's Neighborhood. It was about a little old lady calling them for help...and then turning out to be huge demonic creature out to wreak mass amounts of havoc. Again, no toy, because why give the kids the iconic monsters we know when we can get a haunted toilet. Okay, okay, I liked the haunted toilet, but still. Wat deserved more. More of what? Who can truly say...<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixKokZqTY_iwYX4HfNIcNWR5T4Bq4k-pVJcIklFbThh5cKBRkOtBGOlSKtOmR4PJUtzyReK_oAZytdqpWZBrrd31j8zNZnscc6sPGKlr_3gv220EvQ6EuVPXbQHRP6q0yOe3KR3azKklJe/s1600/11.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="538" data-original-width="801" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixKokZqTY_iwYX4HfNIcNWR5T4Bq4k-pVJcIklFbThh5cKBRkOtBGOlSKtOmR4PJUtzyReK_oAZytdqpWZBrrd31j8zNZnscc6sPGKlr_3gv220EvQ6EuVPXbQHRP6q0yOe3KR3azKklJe/s400/11.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"Do you have any cranberries? My doctor says I need to eat more of those."</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>Maiikrob</b><br />
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So, picture this, there's a giant white ghost whale running amok in New York City and the Ghostbusters are struggling against it. In comes this big dude with a spear who has a weird beard tooth thing going on and bails them out but gets beat. Perhaps, by their forces combined, they can defeat the menace. That all really happened and it was one of the best things ever. This guy is like a ghostly hero version of Ahab out to stop the ghostly whale, Lotan, from destroying everything in its path. I absolutely love this guy so much that I have put thought into what pieces I'd need to assemble a figure of him for my personal collection. That kind of love that only comes from episodes so jawsome that they should echo into legend. By the way, you should really go watch Extreme Ghostbusters if you haven't yet, because it is a very underrated series that gets unwarranted hate. Also, because it has Maiikrob.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT4WObdWUYFWFF3aUGce7tVsM714NjTU_yMCIxWuWHkPvPNqf5K4RFoA8IS3aezu-Hre5_roPTkd-qa4Ig-bM_S8a7lWzdKqM9_ldNoBaIckwB1d3M7UrJS4F-AKY9QIM7gBkjFO0rnF5a/s1600/12.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="609" data-original-width="832" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT4WObdWUYFWFF3aUGce7tVsM714NjTU_yMCIxWuWHkPvPNqf5K4RFoA8IS3aezu-Hre5_roPTkd-qa4Ig-bM_S8a7lWzdKqM9_ldNoBaIckwB1d3M7UrJS4F-AKY9QIM7gBkjFO0rnF5a/s400/12.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>LEEEEEETTTT'S GET READY TO SHIT OURSELVES!!</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>The Boogieman</b><br />
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If you want to talk iconic villain in regards to the Ghostbusters, people will talk Gozer or Samhain...or they'll quit kidding themselves and talk about the nightmare fuel that was the Boogieman. I don't have to explain who he is because you already know. He's every fear you've ever had all wrapped up into a cloven-hoofed giant-headed hair-metal hair having walking atrocity that will ruin your day. Not many things freaked me out as a kid, but he did. His jagged teeth, the way his face fills closet doorways because of how huge his head it, his gnarly-ass voice, he was just pure nightmares. He was also the arch enemy of my favourite Ghostbuster, Egon, and seeing him stop him helped me feel stronger but no less creeped the fuck out. I both want to see and fear seeing this guy in a live-action film, because there are just things that stay with you.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfctp2Fg1Q3hcFaJbAsbnXWE4lqzVl0VC4n31WssNfQhC1Ug-QnvlvsSGfTobPgrHo2O1UPjCm8XPgJfEo9fxG6sq8gox5cBlXA9kgx5o58eyHLn7OgWxAZdXQzcYJqVyT8O0ZTnnnB-wO/s1600/13.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="611" data-original-width="893" height="272" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfctp2Fg1Q3hcFaJbAsbnXWE4lqzVl0VC4n31WssNfQhC1Ug-QnvlvsSGfTobPgrHo2O1UPjCm8XPgJfEo9fxG6sq8gox5cBlXA9kgx5o58eyHLn7OgWxAZdXQzcYJqVyT8O0ZTnnnB-wO/s400/13.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>And sometimes those things wear bowties and lipstick.</i></span></td></tr>
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Thus ends another list that people will call clickbait as if it didn't take me hours to compile and write, because the internet is a place full of horrible wastes who thrive on being miserable to others. I hope everyone enjoyed it though and that maybe it inspires you to go check out the source material these various characters came from. Because at the end of the day, being a fan should be more about sharing your love of something rather than gatekeeping it. Later days, bleeders.Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-37877902670608462052018-05-11T17:54:00.004-07:002018-05-11T17:54:55.098-07:00Juggernaut is Better as a Hero (A.K.A. Comic Books Have a Toxic Nostalgia Problem)<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuMcf5aTWP6uvRoAGc3NYokotkpRGQpC5_04ve6_gI7KMIwF7Y1Koif80sNuEL362DeB4sHQiV6TMG0XpiU3WQfILmKMKMrsQDnh4yTnqRquF46PXA2FLyTblipx5pv8ppgPY7qFnnX90D/s1600/1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="685" data-original-width="1089" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuMcf5aTWP6uvRoAGc3NYokotkpRGQpC5_04ve6_gI7KMIwF7Y1Koif80sNuEL362DeB4sHQiV6TMG0XpiU3WQfILmKMKMrsQDnh4yTnqRquF46PXA2FLyTblipx5pv8ppgPY7qFnnX90D/s400/1.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Any excuse for me to rant about Cain Marko, right?</i></span></td></tr>
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Hey, bleeders! Let's talk for a second about a very serious problem that affects us all: toxic nostalgia. What that generally means is that some people get so caught up in their memories for something that they end up taking a fat steaming shit on thing they loved by forcing it to match their memories rather than letting it grow and change. This can lead to them making a sequel to a two-film arc that totally negates the character growth and follow that up with a spin-off show that further ruins that character growth. Now, that's not the topic of today's journey into toxic nostalgia (or corporate greed, for the matter) so we'll table that for later.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYI-TIUUlh9FSwmovVdkGAPZUYdiIm5pAN6MJNGn5h2mJQWCszGeMuN6X7tzyuy_ceDsrORlc2gS2El-QltOLyQgb4iZ2bNpYkULvzUdfUnYK9HPSGY4fzNkREY8atp3LvAe6EXdH8W0Mx/s1600/2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="656" data-original-width="1098" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYI-TIUUlh9FSwmovVdkGAPZUYdiIm5pAN6MJNGn5h2mJQWCszGeMuN6X7tzyuy_ceDsrORlc2gS2El-QltOLyQgb4iZ2bNpYkULvzUdfUnYK9HPSGY4fzNkREY8atp3LvAe6EXdH8W0Mx/s400/2.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>But we will be talking about it. Oh yes, we shall be talking it in explicit detail.</i></span></td></tr>
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Today the subject of toxic nostalgia is going to a very particular place: comic books. And let me tell you, nowhere is it more prevalent than there. From Spider-Man's marriage being magically poofed by editorially mandated deals with personifications of the devil to undoing one of the most powerfully dramatic moments in comic history just so one writer can play with a dead character rather than respecting the legacy of said character, comics is chock full of this shit. Now, I'm not saying that retcons are the same thing. Toxic nostalgia in comics can result in a retcon but not every retcon is a result of it. Buuuuuut, let's say this retcon makes it so one or several reformed villains suddenly get turned back to villains because the writer just wants to see them as a group of villains again and hastily sweeps away other writers' work to make those characters grow beyond what they initially were.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN5BvLt-Oaa0-qPvV2hbVVxpldkMMlzaYSuzT-z6Z_No8kiPx3Y_lhvfrXMT0DwTK1ubtxM568iHGMOBw5vLN_wfNNiCGMclsku9cF2peDj2SwqpJsKUs02T-cJuiKw2PlDAFfBbJ4jc4j/s1600/3.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="644" data-original-width="1194" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN5BvLt-Oaa0-qPvV2hbVVxpldkMMlzaYSuzT-z6Z_No8kiPx3Y_lhvfrXMT0DwTK1ubtxM568iHGMOBw5vLN_wfNNiCGMclsku9cF2peDj2SwqpJsKUs02T-cJuiKw2PlDAFfBbJ4jc4j/s400/3.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Geoff Johns: respecting legacies in one comic while shitting all over them in so many others.</i></span></td></tr>
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The problem with Geoff Johns' retcon that led to the Rogues group being reunited like it was is that it is a lazy solution to a problem he had with their story. He wanted the reformed Rogues to be villains again so, rather than writing a story about how they questioned themselves that eventually led them to a return to a villainous life they'd long since left behind, he lazily wrote in that they were mindraped into heroes. I say this as a fan of some of his work: Geoff Johns is a severely guilty writer when it comes to toxic nostalgia. He cares more about making his story than he does respecting the work of others before him, so he will arbitrarily force elements to work whatever way he needs them to. It's like when Jeph Loeb wrote that shitty story where Ultimate Pyro (an X-Man and known hero) was used as a henchman/rapist. Research? Pshaw! Writing a character in-character? Fuck that noise! Nothing can get in the way of the "perfect masterpiece" being constructed.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYm8bEo1q1tIlmET6RB8yoaYbD9GC2UThyYN3DxN98bYR47sw_1HiWEmtNe0g6l7MNCvC1KHqts1mmAFHkBIRfBoh9W9VIFQg9Co0yhiFo7Kp5JpyhhthIx0DQdZUIw7dZvqluqPLrCNaf/s1600/4.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="628" data-original-width="1007" height="248" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYm8bEo1q1tIlmET6RB8yoaYbD9GC2UThyYN3DxN98bYR47sw_1HiWEmtNe0g6l7MNCvC1KHqts1mmAFHkBIRfBoh9W9VIFQg9Co0yhiFo7Kp5JpyhhthIx0DQdZUIw7dZvqluqPLrCNaf/s400/4.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Thank you, Gavok, for <a href="http://4thletter.net/2008/09/ultimate-edit-week-5-day-four/" target="_blank">shining a light on that idiocy as only you can</a>.</i></span></td></tr>
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Nothing irks me more as a comic reader than lazy writing, and make no mistake this is lazy as hell. If you can't be bothered to look something up on Google or Wikipedia (both of which work well for catching up on the histories of character histories you might be unfamiliar with) then you shouldn't be using those fucking characters, you lazy sacks of goat vomit. I have not read the entire histories of most comic characters but I have a loose knowledge of many thanks to reading about them either online or in Who's Who type books because I wanted to learn more. If a person like me who isn't getting paid for that can do simple research then people getting paid should do some damn research so their books don't read like bad fan-fiction written by hyper-active 12 year old boys who just really want to see some tits so badly and think rape jokes are hilarious.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsux6dd2m2dTBFUZsXpoe4Q_FkVZs2fFD5nkNhyphenhyphenjpZvkagNo43BiFVCpv7sQTTClNEZzc54avaAcTuykgGpRI80PPniGlOox6gGYdGcBBkG-sEuDL90Obrr6LcqX7Zi745kJAEgbO-5DhP/s1600/5.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="606" data-original-width="1155" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsux6dd2m2dTBFUZsXpoe4Q_FkVZs2fFD5nkNhyphenhyphenjpZvkagNo43BiFVCpv7sQTTClNEZzc54avaAcTuykgGpRI80PPniGlOox6gGYdGcBBkG-sEuDL90Obrr6LcqX7Zi745kJAEgbO-5DhP/s400/5.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Rape jokes are like every season of Family Guy after the first two. They're not fucking funny.</i></span></td></tr>
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Why am I harping mainly about the whole "reformed villain being turned evil again" thing? Because that right there is the most over-encompassing example of toxic nostalgia in comic books. Writer trot onto a book and decide that they miss when they were a kid and _______ was a villain fighting _______, so they clumsily make that happen. Even worse is when it's an editor that does this though, because then it's even worse handled. They don't care if those characters now have this fanbase of people who love their heroic exploits or find their redemption inspiring because it reminds them that humans are allowed to have bad pasts and move on from that to be better. No, they just want to slam their toys together like they did as a child with no regard to character history, fan reaction, or writing standards.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsUWcq-FAogE0OuDD0WVUIW5sQkZkdOtPQrM0XeuJnwyyRC9aJ2f-MTC6GnbxczzEXxyJ2EmY9fIRgz17A9SJg_yo0_QP6ieA8G7_361iRqxrnxWckkJv4PvaNpz_nh9C5yDeDjb7LhRgo/s1600/6.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="605" data-original-width="1135" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsUWcq-FAogE0OuDD0WVUIW5sQkZkdOtPQrM0XeuJnwyyRC9aJ2f-MTC6GnbxczzEXxyJ2EmY9fIRgz17A9SJg_yo0_QP6ieA8G7_361iRqxrnxWckkJv4PvaNpz_nh9C5yDeDjb7LhRgo/s400/6.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"I'm sorry if the story of an abuse survivor overcoming his anger & becoming a hero was inspirational to you because I'd really just prefer it if he was a dumb guy smashing shit again. Can't possibly have enough of those, right?"</i></span></td></tr>
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I use Juggernaut as my chief example of this here because he's the one that pisses me off the most. I am a huge fan of Juggernaut as a character...but I only became a fan because of his character growth beyond being just that big strong villain who gets used by smarter villains. For all the hate that gets lobbed at the Chuck Austen Uncanny X-Men run, the one thing I will always defend is Cain's arc because it was poignant and resounded deeply. He didn't start off as out-and-out hero, but grew into the role gradually. He felt at peace with helping people and had begun mending fences with his step-brother, Xavier, who also experienced the same abuse as a child. And then it all got wiped away because someone wanted him to be the old big dumb henchman archtype again. Surprise, surprise, it also involved magic mind shit because that's the go-to for these things. That marriage bothering you? Magical mindwipes to erase it for everyone who knew about it! That team of villains you dig broke up? Magical retcon mindraping is here to make them just the way they were before they grew as characters! You want a complex abuse survivor to go back to being a one-note bruiser? Magical demon powers making him evil again because we say so!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQdEGHIocNeTLTRizncUcoalObwkgoxa7wNBs_cGavmDvgqvGxCQxplE_HV1UgzJ7J_DRLncgbEP7tp2Uezf9U3UWitfDgqCo8Xs6Ie75hmDa3ImTWZF2Gz7i3Uxg5fMVAXUPw2pIOoWhx/s1600/7.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="701" data-original-width="1077" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQdEGHIocNeTLTRizncUcoalObwkgoxa7wNBs_cGavmDvgqvGxCQxplE_HV1UgzJ7J_DRLncgbEP7tp2Uezf9U3UWitfDgqCo8Xs6Ie75hmDa3ImTWZF2Gz7i3Uxg5fMVAXUPw2pIOoWhx/s400/7.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Making him look fucking goofy is on the artist though. Seriously, one of the worst redesigns I've ever seen of any character. Just wow.</i></span></td></tr>
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Creativity always takes a backseat to the "status quo", much to the detriment of comics as a whole. People will always expect someone to undo any creative decision because...they tend to always do that. Galactus being a bringer of life with probably get undone the minute Disney/Marvel Studios gets the Fantastic Four rights, for example, because you gotta have that synergy for movie fans who now only know him as a purple planet eater. Well, at least that's the excuse we'll get when it happens when in reality it's just going to be someone wanting him back because they liked it better when all the stories about him were exactly the fucking same (barring events like Annihilation that actually used him well). As I sit here now, it's been revealed that Lex Luthor, a character who has actually been a hero for a while now, is switching back to a more villainous role. We could say it might be for a good story, that it's could be for synergy with the films where he's a villain, or we could just be honest and say "the status quo always wins" begrudgingly. Personally, I'm just gonna pretend I live in a reality where that doesn't happen. A reality where The Karate Kid Part II was the last film until the reboot. A reality where Cain Marko got to keep his character growth. Later days, bleeders.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2PGlkhJGFsglc4AL4k1m-OmnZ5HOvrOcCd_QJuxZPt9ck9ufdBX82-mVqsJCJNxwGNdpuHTbkQyijV7uZD4H4nVsyh6ycS6hrz3v9mCfy0VGyBi9LDTjOL1pCjpmjigiRGk28Fw-QdtGb/s1600/8.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="610" data-original-width="943" height="257" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2PGlkhJGFsglc4AL4k1m-OmnZ5HOvrOcCd_QJuxZPt9ck9ufdBX82-mVqsJCJNxwGNdpuHTbkQyijV7uZD4H4nVsyh6ycS6hrz3v9mCfy0VGyBi9LDTjOL1pCjpmjigiRGk28Fw-QdtGb/s400/8.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>That reality also still also Alpine White bars, mostly because they were amazeballs.</i></span></td></tr>
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<br />Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-23652082487754581632018-05-04T17:54:00.001-07:002018-05-04T17:54:12.586-07:00Avengers XXX 2: An Axel Braun Parody (2015)<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij9OV68q71TwdZtR9GR9tU6OvPAYXQDBcFB-oVlfPgGNMm_qu2tcLz4xsLx6ibAKhb-7XkM-3JABUF6G8qe_X6EtG2kugIjSshrpAP83xWtoX5mF8NxbyzmBCi23innxQerXU_TZqJMElq/s1600/1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="614" data-original-width="942" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij9OV68q71TwdZtR9GR9tU6OvPAYXQDBcFB-oVlfPgGNMm_qu2tcLz4xsLx6ibAKhb-7XkM-3JABUF6G8qe_X6EtG2kugIjSshrpAP83xWtoX5mF8NxbyzmBCi23innxQerXU_TZqJMElq/s400/1.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Because I can never stop punishing myself, we've come back to this well.</i></span></td></tr>
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Years ago I did a review of the Avengers XXX film from director Axel Braun and...I wasn't really a fan. Granted, I'm sure it has fans, as it did its job well enough. It gave geeks the chance to see people playing classic superheroes bump and grind against one another while weaving a somewhat cohesive narrative throughout its runtime. Hell, there is actually an entire Marvel porno cinematic universe now with spin-off films and the like.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8jVQnBlFNTTXncVzo0Vo5pikeIXcL82XqxgB5x4CNtUN7DDtfBSUq4j5bZYelu-9rfy5Ur6u6F6IhAuT2d86UWbV3lQ0c1vBwE8yv2562jASYLTC6i-ZYJnoJwdlwcK9H5Tkb9pwjsrsR/s1600/2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="678" data-original-width="1048" height="258" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8jVQnBlFNTTXncVzo0Vo5pikeIXcL82XqxgB5x4CNtUN7DDtfBSUq4j5bZYelu-9rfy5Ur6u6F6IhAuT2d86UWbV3lQ0c1vBwE8yv2562jASYLTC6i-ZYJnoJwdlwcK9H5Tkb9pwjsrsR/s400/2.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>They even managed to get the X-Men in their cinematic universe, which I'm sure irks some Disney executives to this very day.</i></span></td></tr>
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After my original review, I got a lot of people asking if I'd ever follow it up. Now, I technically did when I covered She-Hulk XXX, which I teased at the end of that review. But I still got questions of whether I'd ever talk about the other Braun films. Well, it's Superhero Month now and we're finally going to cover a few more of these films. Spoiler alert: don't expect any Chyna jokes this time, what with her not being in it. Besides, there's only so many times I can mock bad green bodypaint rubbing off during sex. Let's kick this shit off, press play, and see where this sequel takes us.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1JxTLn8EIt8-kYZj_f33p0K2l6y2wTpfXOAItdlxTAcrFD7clifp4DWw4QlrYP9VrvnqAx1jQvXcVuT7U88LXtkmxkGwCJZQUDSgUfgWeZ-Ln2l5Grb2We6px3Gy38WGYS_VzIhuyJ7_q/s1600/3.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="956" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1JxTLn8EIt8-kYZj_f33p0K2l6y2wTpfXOAItdlxTAcrFD7clifp4DWw4QlrYP9VrvnqAx1jQvXcVuT7U88LXtkmxkGwCJZQUDSgUfgWeZ-Ln2l5Grb2We6px3Gy38WGYS_VzIhuyJ7_q/s400/3.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">These costumes are...actually pretty good. I mean, other than the giant X plastered on Cap's chest.</span></i></td></tr>
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Surprisingly, the movie starts off with action. You know, actual action and not "action" (i.e. fucking). We get shown Captain America and Mockingbird training together with some mild flirting on her part and it gets interrupted by a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent who I'm not sure of the identiy of. Because dammit, if anyone's gonna fucking Captain America in the opening scene, it's gonna be a generic agent who probably is more important but since she was likely introduced elsewhere in the Marvel porno universe, I have no clue. Cue the sex scene!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEUfFmvHKyjsbfAmSm70XR6-sI1UhGhIn5EIUUaJSK943D6DX4L5dNwFxXfDU8Jwb3pREpVq4kVWC_bSjn8K2wAfAiB7zG8aQ_FpOCAaFnnk8znOBNCoq0sMPlB2onOQ3vnOKtFmJc9izT/s1600/4.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="537" data-original-width="956" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEUfFmvHKyjsbfAmSm70XR6-sI1UhGhIn5EIUUaJSK943D6DX4L5dNwFxXfDU8Jwb3pREpVq4kVWC_bSjn8K2wAfAiB7zG8aQ_FpOCAaFnnk8znOBNCoq0sMPlB2onOQ3vnOKtFmJc9izT/s400/4.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Yep, that sure is two people dressed as Marvel characters pounding the shit out of each other.</i></span></td></tr>
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One very messy cumshot later, we continue our epic story as see a CGI helicarrier and are show nthat all of this is happening on said levitating headquarters. The present Avengers throw some sass Cap's way for banging on the job (as if they don't all do that), and I finally learn that the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Cap just applied frosting to is actually Maria Hill. Sorry, I was thrown off by her not having a similar hairstyle...and for her acting anything but bewildered with a superhero. Even when they were romantically attached to one another, she still seemed done with Iron Man. She just doesn't really get along well with the cape scene.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvYQrM9tuql3kVplBDhTv6Epv1DVNB00bIhOrw01hA-Sr5IgfW8bijv-7UGiAChgtbN28nrfM0zNWJ6sS6Mm3erzW1TLtz75wFdAnwaAmOc9xSFT5yoAG57B4j6p5mL4AZc1_880E0a5kh/s1600/5.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="346" data-original-width="784" height="176" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvYQrM9tuql3kVplBDhTv6Epv1DVNB00bIhOrw01hA-Sr5IgfW8bijv-7UGiAChgtbN28nrfM0zNWJ6sS6Mm3erzW1TLtz75wFdAnwaAmOc9xSFT5yoAG57B4j6p5mL4AZc1_880E0a5kh/s400/5.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Although she did fuck Captain America in the comics too. Just in a much less "sexy" way.</i></span></td></tr>
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After a bit too much sass, Nick Fury loses his cool and yells at them to shut up. Well, "yells" is a strong word. It's more like he speaks forcefully at them like a frustrated guidance counselor. Anyway, he introduces them all to the newest Avengers (in the pornoverse), Wasp. He speechifies about how she's been spying on Hydra for them, Iron Man makes a lewd comment about the possibility of Cap banging her, and Fury says he wants her to go brief him in private. yeah, they're probably about to go fuck, aren't they?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwxPu8kFszAninT6YG1Ls3SmAfn7XvwaIK2GVHgulr55QpWsV4FLvFAexnsGHAmzun2IiX8g5bz6l9spjP9MP4hPMgR14_RyNjUwLkoeeI0EnDdxSMwhd1W-vSJu1eyaoYWd7j03v3cWyU/s1600/6.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="538" data-original-width="956" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwxPu8kFszAninT6YG1Ls3SmAfn7XvwaIK2GVHgulr55QpWsV4FLvFAexnsGHAmzun2IiX8g5bz6l9spjP9MP4hPMgR14_RyNjUwLkoeeI0EnDdxSMwhd1W-vSJu1eyaoYWd7j03v3cWyU/s400/6.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Boy, how did I ever see that coming?</i></span></td></tr>
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It's a good thing her suit is vinyl, because now she just be hosed off after Nick Fury finishes. Moving on from that, they then cuddle and discuss how Captain America is adjusting to the modern world. This teaches me two thing: Fury's a cuddler and I probably should've watched Captain America XXX first. Oops. Eh, continuity shmontinuity, these are movies about fucking in costumes so all the bros who are still bitching about Ms. Marvel now being a teenage girl (whose outfit doesn't have her ass hanging out) can toss off to something besides the newest Frank Miller interview.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_wj_bGDUXCoCQbFah6pVLv6GT4sYDeu6O2z7ZCf6lEGlhaxPqJ0vbkCFdPwTHHeLRjvLymJNwJfFM7vbg9QSLFhDZwXEIs1xyaRNKDgGu5xdi4d6YH-5DgOILHY9aAg8olmeETCI8Sfzf/s1600/7.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="447" data-original-width="772" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_wj_bGDUXCoCQbFah6pVLv6GT4sYDeu6O2z7ZCf6lEGlhaxPqJ0vbkCFdPwTHHeLRjvLymJNwJfFM7vbg9QSLFhDZwXEIs1xyaRNKDgGu5xdi4d6YH-5DgOILHY9aAg8olmeETCI8Sfzf/s400/7.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>I make friends every single time I decide to comment on anything. It's a gift.</i></span></td></tr>
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Can I just say the weird soft-spoken Fury here is incredibly jarring? I mean, he's a parody of the Samuel L. Jackson Fury, yet he talks so softly that he just feels like a passive aggressive dramaqueen most of the time. But whatever, an alarm goes off, so let's get back to that plot. And remember how I said I feel like I'm missing stuff? Yeah, we suddenly go to a hospital room with our old "pal" Hawkderp all bandaged up. Is this the price he paid for banging She-Hulk? Crap, I wasn't supposed to bring up the Chyna She-Hulk, was I?<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdmGtfjX_Zf3a537jkVc75m-myhBxDQaTq1cy2JUoymVYuiXI9dCl6hwr0TOd4aB_vqE3BKGQsSTOaS25rSQggYsjRAp3quqG9aH18w0xHfT8wvbUQ2AMljyR92AS0THVnwbwEysIg0v2U/s1600/8.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="535" data-original-width="957" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdmGtfjX_Zf3a537jkVc75m-myhBxDQaTq1cy2JUoymVYuiXI9dCl6hwr0TOd4aB_vqE3BKGQsSTOaS25rSQggYsjRAp3quqG9aH18w0xHfT8wvbUQ2AMljyR92AS0THVnwbwEysIg0v2U/s400/8.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Behold, the high cost of "green fever".</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
In reality, it wasn't his fetish for bad green bodypaint that did him in, but rather his most recent mission. Hawkderp, Ms. Marvel (Carol Danvers, because Axel Braun is at least a somewhat decent human being), and Spider-Man went to investigate an abandoned warehouse that Hydra was supposedly using. And wouldn't you know it? Hydra pops up in there and they look a lot less bargain basement than the heroes. Guess Braun didn't want to throw too much money the Nazis here. Then again, he probably used the Nazi costume budget in the Captain America XXX film. Madame Hydra has a weird bondage mask on though, so I guess that's something. Maybe that means she won't end up with someone's dick in her mouth.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiThodYdakplNapMwtLdbElhJVX2LqJhuihr8zIYVirnd6Tif0tA1o8u-7MqaaIYfoF1Gdc7CRPDkelaqCL8r5GTvZ11dfGh5pPwEqsojmI1jHG9Zp1-e-1D-9jYB8hdk5f1I9kbox9r879/s1600/9.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="538" data-original-width="958" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiThodYdakplNapMwtLdbElhJVX2LqJhuihr8zIYVirnd6Tif0tA1o8u-7MqaaIYfoF1Gdc7CRPDkelaqCL8r5GTvZ11dfGh5pPwEqsojmI1jHG9Zp1-e-1D-9jYB8hdk5f1I9kbox9r879/s400/9.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Spoiler alert: I was soooooo wrong.</i></span></td></tr>
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While Hawkderp and Carol go off to bang privately in a terrorist base, Spidey runs across the badguys who shoot him with a goo gun that turns out to be full of a symbiote, resulting in him getting that sleek black number that so many fans love. He also gets to fuck a terrorist leader in a variety of holes, because why not? After blowing his wad on Madame Hydra, Carol finds him and asks about the costume and we see that not only did he fuck Madame Hydra, she's out cold. So are her henchmen, which makes me wonder if he just fucked them all unconscious.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOwIUa1vNPgZ4u3dZ7VUW9rSdkfJJWwQLcLAotaNFoVEKc-IuJzdwI_vMM_JDMrzQ763T74QYsp0qrCEqjZIvyZAZCwc6rXyuAbXjho7Z8t3WHXhRsH77PQkWJUse54xqlohKi6nPAABtx/s1600/10.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="537" data-original-width="958" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOwIUa1vNPgZ4u3dZ7VUW9rSdkfJJWwQLcLAotaNFoVEKc-IuJzdwI_vMM_JDMrzQ763T74QYsp0qrCEqjZIvyZAZCwc6rXyuAbXjho7Z8t3WHXhRsH77PQkWJUse54xqlohKi6nPAABtx/s400/10.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Deadpool was so mad at Bob afterward. Spidey was supposed to be his, dammit.</i></span></td></tr>
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She says they need to get that thing off of him after he says it's alive. He reacts in a less than positive manner, taking out his new anger boner on our derpiest of heroes. I'd feel bad about it, but seeing as how I haven't gotten laid in a while and he seems to get his dick wet in every single movie he's in, Hawkderp can eat it. I should point out that, according to the cover of this film, Spidey's black suit is the main plot of the film. The thing that took like an hour and a half to get to. That's some good pacing there. But it's okay, because now our heroes are together and ready to go confront him in Manhattan before he hurts someone we actually care about.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhb8JfA8gEVGzVnBGTqRq5oL3-wkB-xIEGk4_JJobLtmomc715FA05CdzUiUm-f9ObLj9sWVSEQ-IipY7cldMSpqKD-8FUxVPygVebGMY6QoCSF_n13Rdj0ezSX1zEHAd-8edo9FG7bNQeV/s1600/11.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="538" data-original-width="957" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhb8JfA8gEVGzVnBGTqRq5oL3-wkB-xIEGk4_JJobLtmomc715FA05CdzUiUm-f9ObLj9sWVSEQ-IipY7cldMSpqKD-8FUxVPygVebGMY6QoCSF_n13Rdj0ezSX1zEHAd-8edo9FG7bNQeV/s400/11.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Normally, I would be laughing at how awkward Iron Man looks, but I'm just glad Spidey didn't rape anyone. Allegedly.</i></span></td></tr>
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Fury says they're all in serious trouble though because apparently Onslaught...wait, are you serious? Fucking Onslaught?! Wow. Okay, a bit ambitious for a porno but...no, wait, false alarm. Iron Man and Thor are being sent after that threat while the actors who can easily unzip are going after Hydra again to investigate "that black shit" they used on Spidey. They awkwardly fight some Hydra goons and the now conscious Madame Hydra but Cap and Mockingbird both get gassed with Wasp escaping to go get help. What happened to Carol?<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidkhSMak_j_nli5pEizhorIMCN-e-VOiTrEsFGBoEbP6kbQ1KXp5Le-KQPLYyuD3J5qnFpuhxYnpi3-sJCMWK-H5sIssSDIPyeiZw5Bf4VegOQkq7n95kaIznG7oeR4ekCMvz3ZuWhw4oO/s1600/12.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="539" data-original-width="956" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidkhSMak_j_nli5pEizhorIMCN-e-VOiTrEsFGBoEbP6kbQ1KXp5Le-KQPLYyuD3J5qnFpuhxYnpi3-sJCMWK-H5sIssSDIPyeiZw5Bf4VegOQkq7n95kaIznG7oeR4ekCMvz3ZuWhw4oO/s400/12.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">No worries, she's just off prepping for a threesome with her alien-possessed boyfriend and his catsuit mistress.</span></i></td></tr>
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I may have snarked too soon though, as we exit the whole Black Cat/Ms. Marvel/Spidey scene and go to Winter Soldier shooting out of a window as the Red Guardian looks on. Now, for those unfamiliar, Red Guardian is a Russian equivalent of Captain America. But see, there's something a little off here because he's usually a big buffed out dude with a shield and here he's missing the shield and is a bit less buff.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj178AoMbx6nBtN9Yw3ePGnM8A8NXX4Itmm9ZB31hktb6VmIyMarlfby0McLDe4cGpn1P0ZMA2RhJzNYRU2SIfHlCroYv9MHorut9mpFn8iJFKOcMD4nxV-1NBRIXqe9e9pxZDpDhX1NVf3/s1600/13.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="537" data-original-width="957" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj178AoMbx6nBtN9Yw3ePGnM8A8NXX4Itmm9ZB31hktb6VmIyMarlfby0McLDe4cGpn1P0ZMA2RhJzNYRU2SIfHlCroYv9MHorut9mpFn8iJFKOcMD4nxV-1NBRIXqe9e9pxZDpDhX1NVf3/s400/13.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>It's probably the boob window. He usually doesn't have a boob window.</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Man, I haven't seen a confused American get in bed with Russian this quick since Trump ran for office. There, I made a Trump joke, you can all shut up about it now. So yeah, sex scene ahoy. Next stop, Winter comes early. I kid, but he does have one of the fastest cumshots in the film. Back with the actual plot, Hydra has Cap strapped down with a gun to his head and we learn that apparently my rape comment earlier has apparently summoned a gangrape, as Mockingbird is apparently being ravaged by the goons in the next room. Or is she?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSSAnBa7We5U5Zfle4JbU2bf7vFL-SScnWky7Md78tDFpq-Cj6yWmAXAATTOpzZGvYRfBgwRRp22Pxpp1BhYrNhqDh9rNExFC9LHUgfZMAOz4vNg3DrXDPyUyYMKy8d-kX3pq3BwTirh8P/s1600/14.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="537" data-original-width="957" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSSAnBa7We5U5Zfle4JbU2bf7vFL-SScnWky7Md78tDFpq-Cj6yWmAXAATTOpzZGvYRfBgwRRp22Pxpp1BhYrNhqDh9rNExFC9LHUgfZMAOz4vNg3DrXDPyUyYMKy8d-kX3pq3BwTirh8P/s400/14.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Thank fuck, I really didn't want any repeats of the Batgirl XXX experience.</i></span></td></tr>
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The movie ends with her shooting the camera and I'm now free to dance the dance of the people who aren't watching a fetish film. Final judgement? While this is actually better than the first film, I actually feel like She-Hulk XXX had a stronger narrative to it and was filmed better overall. Yeah, that's right, I'm complimenting the She-Hulk porno. I'm as surprised as you are. In the end, this actually feels more like half of a movie than a complete film, which is saying something considering how fucking long this thing was. Still, I enjoyed this more than Strokemon or Assventure Time, so at least there's that. Now to go rest before I jump back into another superhero porn parody, because there's only so much you can take. Later days, bleeders!Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-68943733152710719762018-04-04T22:48:00.003-07:002018-04-04T22:48:59.395-07:00Who's That Pokem...SUPERHERO!: Ten Forgotten Superheroes<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1Lx_wn-aJj4Tq26GNrw3MIDp3EacOFfkr_4VM5eVyTFo-sQvyh-mjOCorr6ox8RJFMhK8N7YPN2ghXpzBpTmjwN6gd1lWz5X2n940NHCepuukMV2ZrD1ixadpmpfJ52LD-KrnqUKeOtN6/s1600/1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="624" data-original-width="1111" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1Lx_wn-aJj4Tq26GNrw3MIDp3EacOFfkr_4VM5eVyTFo-sQvyh-mjOCorr6ox8RJFMhK8N7YPN2ghXpzBpTmjwN6gd1lWz5X2n940NHCepuukMV2ZrD1ixadpmpfJ52LD-KrnqUKeOtN6/s400/1.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Seriously, most of you are likely not going to be able to guess this. I tend to like extremely obscure characters. It's a curse.</span></i></td></tr>
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You know what's annoying? Those shitty top ten lists you'll see crapped out on certain sites where the writer knows next to nothing about the characters and just cherry picks obscure characters that usually aren't very unknown at all. And the truth is, it's hard to come up with a proper list on this subject because occasionally you'll get a writer who decides "hey, let's revive this character because I remember them fondly" and it ends up making these lists superfluous. What I'm gonna do is name off ten characters I remember (and love) that almost never get brought up, talk about what I remember about them a bit, and that's about it. No real ranking here, just ten superheroes that have seemingly been forgotten...until they're not.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCv1WrX2vnogmsoWNsvINt_y3hf7f8SDF2euZdgF2so2ssMkcqekxbzHF879XSpN7MJdPZuRgdhE9IaAMv6NdbpIOAgg8dkbFZhVh4WUWBcfkfaWzwRtLC8ccBouHx4aYO5lWjQKmdCxkU/s1600/2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="538" data-original-width="775" height="277" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCv1WrX2vnogmsoWNsvINt_y3hf7f8SDF2euZdgF2so2ssMkcqekxbzHF879XSpN7MJdPZuRgdhE9IaAMv6NdbpIOAgg8dkbFZhVh4WUWBcfkfaWzwRtLC8ccBouHx4aYO5lWjQKmdCxkU/s400/2.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Surprisingly, not all that edgy.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>Edge</b><br />
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I grew up in that sweet-spot where I got to fully experience the best of the 80s and 90s through the eyes of a child, which made my comics experience interesting. Among the many things I remember from comics as a kid, a storyline called Bloodlines really stuck out. It was about shapeshifting Xenomorph-like aliens attacking people and some of those people surviving only to gain powers. It was a cool idea to introduce a new crop of heroes and villains. Among the most memorable for me though was Tom O'Brien, a poor guy who had to quit school to support his family. He was already the perfect type to end being a hero but the attack left him looking less than heroic. It actually left him an amnesiac who feared he killed people, due to his new appearance (i.e. he's got blades and wire-like protrusions coming out of all of his parts. He helped Steel drive off the alien that created him and kinda faded into obscurity afterwards, which is a shame because he was one of the more compelling characters to come out of the entire event.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPo0C5gpriwTZA-Vq8Sc-xSQoWSjqK4dqaUasxxq5RN-vRSj0evuHF6e40bdXCU0BTm9T9eJAYZzrhjOCT1kBEQ8dFt80PjwMEs117SI21EOFuH6B4nDvK5gEkd5L74hzVlYx1XE4xTuWA/s1600/3.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="615" data-original-width="981" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPo0C5gpriwTZA-Vq8Sc-xSQoWSjqK4dqaUasxxq5RN-vRSj0evuHF6e40bdXCU0BTm9T9eJAYZzrhjOCT1kBEQ8dFt80PjwMEs117SI21EOFuH6B4nDvK5gEkd5L74hzVlYx1XE4xTuWA/s400/3.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Meet the guy that would make Batman's nemesis wet himself.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>The Scarecrow/The Straw Man</b><br />
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I could honestly just make this entire list up with old forgotten horror themed heroes, but I'm trying not to play favourites, so here's just one standout example of one. Meet the Scarecrow, a supernatural being that lives in a painting and emerges from it to do his thing. You see, that painting is actually portal to his dimension and this bad boy is actually a Fear Lord, which is exactly what it sounds like. So, why is he a hero? Probably because he tends to like the more fun aspect of fear rather than the whole "killing innocents" part. He's ripped apart cultists, battled off other Fear Lords alongside Doctor Strange, and tends to be one of those characters who is just barely on the periphery, waiting to pop up and dig into some evil. If I worked for Marvel as a writer, I would definitely pitch a book with this dude in it immediately.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDlYKgRAsiifkSWVa8dWfwj_nkchfy0vijJh9sxhjcrgIRnWmJVvw_hG-2V9AQxoTRPdLBcuf6fWnHjcHfMdu1IYAq1PSr1UFAXhzsZ8HcAg2ydvx0qVc2ogtdAsaSzaQQw4oA40dd2WW-/s1600/4.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="458" data-original-width="756" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDlYKgRAsiifkSWVa8dWfwj_nkchfy0vijJh9sxhjcrgIRnWmJVvw_hG-2V9AQxoTRPdLBcuf6fWnHjcHfMdu1IYAq1PSr1UFAXhzsZ8HcAg2ydvx0qVc2ogtdAsaSzaQQw4oA40dd2WW-/s400/4.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Inner monologue or unnecessary exposition? You decide!</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>The Night Man</b><br />
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Now here's a fun one to get into for all you younger bleeders. You know how people often bitch about Disney chomping up companies? Well, before Marvel was a subsidiary of the House of Mouse, it's a practice they too engaged in. Back when I was a wee bit of bony effeminate white child, there was a company called Malibu Comics and I was really into them. They had their own superhero books, their own licensed books, and even separate imprints. One such imprint became rather huge in the 90s too, known as the Ultraverse. And a character from that range of books was this guy, Johnny Domino. He was young, hip, had beautiful long hair, and he played a saxophone. He was so beautifully 90s it hurt. After an accident he ended up losing the ability to need sleep and gaining the ability to hear evil thoughts. He decided that since he couldn't sleep, was in pretty good shape, and heard these evil thoughts...well, a costumed crime-fighting identity might be a good idea. Honestly, a lot of the Ultraverse books waver between being slightly goofy camp to being really interesting and compelling stuff, even today. Sadly, after marvel bought Malibu they also quietly shuffled off all of these popular characters into limbo. At least DC integrated their acquisitions.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIo7s0iqP7tbocbypJAFDCAsqvnjnEKMwwar6SVmIAkKrSvAaVHVKuMZGl-1lrhONjNqoU_onKaCbc9KThbrJdyhXNJyR_5h1mhWU6CLmjuv43rflz6X64HegpF20C-yC9eAfdW4RuRzsb/s1600/5.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="566" data-original-width="1071" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIo7s0iqP7tbocbypJAFDCAsqvnjnEKMwwar6SVmIAkKrSvAaVHVKuMZGl-1lrhONjNqoU_onKaCbc9KThbrJdyhXNJyR_5h1mhWU6CLmjuv43rflz6X64HegpF20C-yC9eAfdW4RuRzsb/s400/5.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>She's mighty mighty.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>Brickhouse</b><br />
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You've probably noticed that a lot of these characters are from the 90s, haven't you? Yeah, that's when I really got into comics so it's simply going to happen when writing up a list mostly based on memory like this. Besides, there were a metric ton of new characters introduced back then and most of them did end up left behind in one way or another. One such character is this BBW here, a lady who literally turned into the brick wall she was leaning against during an event called the Big Bang that created the powered people in DC's old imprint, Milestone. The most well known thing to come out of that is the character Static, as he got his own cartoon and all, but for me it was all about the Blood Syndicate. A group of former gang members who all came together to be heroes, it was easily one of my favourite comics during my youth and Brickhouse was a truly memorable part of it. Her transformation caused her a lot of grief, not just physically but also mentally. She had amnesia, suffered from seizures, and had a general poor body image. It meant a lot to me rereading those books over the years as I changed from small boy into giant hairy man. My own poor body image made me feel so much more empathetic to her as a character, ultimately making her one of the ones I love the most. They keep teasing a Milestone revival and I keep waiting, hoping to see those characters again. Come on, DC, Brickhouse and the Blood Syndicate need a proper revival.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5BYjpcILwyJhJq0yXhdZdI8qjMmGUNbBEz8B7_y1GiKywqcNF5ao3jND5Lwxy56V7kjiiSXMEPggirTbSFRFx4mjVjFSECg8TximR8z0DNK0hemP4zkJ68fMTIUT44TRwIIInl4tCZti8/s1600/6.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="766" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5BYjpcILwyJhJq0yXhdZdI8qjMmGUNbBEz8B7_y1GiKywqcNF5ao3jND5Lwxy56V7kjiiSXMEPggirTbSFRFx4mjVjFSECg8TximR8z0DNK0hemP4zkJ68fMTIUT44TRwIIInl4tCZti8/s400/6.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Meet the kid who is so obscure that Google kept thinking I meant Black Bolt.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>Bolt</b><br />
<br />
Poor Christopher Bradley, you were yet another victim of "let's kill this kid for drama" comics writing, one of the worst tropes in the medium. I'd say it's up there with "let's kill this woman for drama", which is better known as "women in refrigerators" due to a certain infamous example of that. Writers who do shit like this are one thing you should never be when writing superhero comics: wasteful. They care more about shock value than they do organic character growth or building for the future. Thus, this young mutant hero, former New Warrior, and carrier of a comic allegory to AIDs was unceremoniously killed off while dressed as his hero, Maverick, during the rushed ending of the Weapon X comic series. Killed by none other than his own hero, because it added drama and shock value. What it also did was erase potential, which is why I loathe stories that do that very thing with every fiber of my being. It's why you will never hear me singing the praises of Avengers Arena. Other than a really throwaway cameo in a pretty universally hated film, Chris hasn't gotten any sort of spotlight in a really long time. But I remember you, kiddo.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq8lXbdZJ0B5xhC9oCYjJ1kRhI8a1Wvg8icEHIqfUpfQgyc3voBgt_coy1DLNX_Xek5I_Ak3hhKOkvswfdao8ysn0vhjfjNJVEIBAfTDV43r_xo1Gdlwy08dc5gcYVFElFHje_BhpDcUm6/s1600/7.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="691" data-original-width="970" height="283" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiq8lXbdZJ0B5xhC9oCYjJ1kRhI8a1Wvg8icEHIqfUpfQgyc3voBgt_coy1DLNX_Xek5I_Ak3hhKOkvswfdao8ysn0vhjfjNJVEIBAfTDV43r_xo1Gdlwy08dc5gcYVFElFHje_BhpDcUm6/s400/7.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>No, he's not a Dick Grayson rip-off. Not entirely, anyway.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>Night Mask</b><br />
<br />
For those worried about these things, I want to warn that there are some big spoilers here. Fair warning. So, remember that company I mentioned earlier, Malibu Comics? Well, from my recollection and my very brief bit of research, their flagship title was The Protectors. It was sort of a public domain Avengers type team. It was part of their superhero line prior to the creation of the Ultraverse books. And yes, that line did have a shared universe with crossovers and all that jazz. They're actually solid books, mostly. But for our purposes, we're talking about one member of the team: Richard Reinhart. His father was an old superhero called the Masked Marvel and the idea was that Richard wanted to carry on his legacy, but his dad wasn't keen on that. Regardless, he did and was a pretty good hero...until the fifth issue of the series. You see, they had this enemy who was like Doctor Doom but much less friendly. He was a sadist called Mister Monday and Richard made the mistake of facing him on his own and it was probably one of the most brutal things I saw as a young comic fan then. Monday beat him mostly to death while broadcasting it all live for everyone to see, as the Protectors searched frantically to find their location. Richard's last words were an apology to his father before Mister Monday finished him off. This was actually my introduction to these characters and, even barely knowing him, it was still emotionally devastating to my young self. I really recommend checking out these books. They're still a good read and a lot better than some of the other stuff that was out back then.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH9p6MG9Sbnc88mKL9sdx33HS1i4CVyTNO_X7YOd_Ja03KqLBm40PgzWMOKxQFy5H06bj35QHqV-_DpWrKBUouxTyCHUQ-Lbzt6nFICo9aziqAxJCASylGh1DtrRaV7Hnw8yxjDmjVKW27/s1600/8.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="586" data-original-width="856" height="273" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH9p6MG9Sbnc88mKL9sdx33HS1i4CVyTNO_X7YOd_Ja03KqLBm40PgzWMOKxQFy5H06bj35QHqV-_DpWrKBUouxTyCHUQ-Lbzt6nFICo9aziqAxJCASylGh1DtrRaV7Hnw8yxjDmjVKW27/s400/8.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Yet another patriotic hero who punches fascists. It's almost like fascism is bad or something.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>Agent Liberty</b><br />
<br />
My early comic experiences were mostly more mature stuff like The Savage Sword of Conan and Vampirella, but when I did get into superhero stuff it was mostly DC in the beginning and it was in the years just prior to the Death of Superman arc, so I got to experience what some people refer to to as DC's renaissance period. After the Death of Superman, I picked up this book called The Legacy of Superman that focused on the other defenders of Metropolis trying to keep up the fight in the wake of his death and alongside it I got the next few issues of Justice League America, which followed up the devastation of both Superman's death and the team being ripped apart by Doomsday. One of those issues was about introducing a new potential line-up, which featured a guy called Agent Liberty. I took to him right away, with his Rocketeer-esque pack and his bladed gloves, he dove right into shit that was clearly out of his punching range. I actually bought any book he was in, because I found him cool. I have a thing for these patriotic heroes, especially when they're nothing like the so-called real world patriots who snatch burqas off women like they're somehow heroic for the act. He was a recurring Superman ally over the years, all the way up until they decided to kill him off during New Krypton for...wait for it...shock value! Because that's not a recurring theme of shitty writing or anything that readers despise.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTO-1b8E4NYVpm4UkU1L15KohyphenhyphenMFabC0EuVU1u4PRxy6hWlSJ2StmhakZfxBnrTLhyphenhyphenVwJ51uaR5RuppwDxlbZdYd2O_nsG6ia-9QB9Hoj7pwg-mg8bZCY20J-o-vrRtegP_LnH3bTNVNRD/s1600/9.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="578" data-original-width="973" height="237" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTO-1b8E4NYVpm4UkU1L15KohyphenhyphenMFabC0EuVU1u4PRxy6hWlSJ2StmhakZfxBnrTLhyphenhyphenVwJ51uaR5RuppwDxlbZdYd2O_nsG6ia-9QB9Hoj7pwg-mg8bZCY20J-o-vrRtegP_LnH3bTNVNRD/s400/9.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Take note, Kid Rock, as this is what an actual American badass looks like.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>American Eagle</b><br />
<br />
I hate Civil War. It was a shit story built on contrived nonsense that literally made zero sense. A team of heroes who have actually faced off against galactic level threats and saved the fucking world, yet somehow it's their fault that a dickhead supervillain blew up a playground. Nope. Bullshit. But the reality was that the story was only there to serve the purpose of introducing a new swath of books, not to actually be profound or well-written. Among those books was a new Thunderbolts series and I kinda hated it too, as it basically wiped its ass on the general idea that made people like the Thunderbolts. But hey, it's Warren Ellis, so yeah. There was just one moment in it though that really spoke to me. See that guy up there? Yeah, he's a fairly obscure character. Native American hero, not featured on any big team, mostly does his own thing. Well, Bullseye ran afoul of him and when the world's greatest assassin came up against this guy...American Eagle paralyzed his ass. Oh yeah, it was such a beautiful breath of fresh air in an otherwise miserable comic series. Look, there's a lot of backstory I could tell about the character but...do I really need to beyond the fact that he kicked Bullseye's ass harder than it has ever been kicked? I guess I could mention he was against the whole stupid Registration Act thing that Civil War was built on and stuck to his guns on that, returning to the Navajo reservation he was from to protect people there without having any of Tony Stark's gestapo hassle him. Why didn't we get an American Eagle comic? They put out a special about him and it was literally one of the best Marvel comics I have ever read. Get your shit together, Marvel. Less Thanos, more American Eagle.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuoC7RRKqV_oBlVYP1-kORsYl7HImuC_2Qa1Vj5LxFQOb-ig_Ym8WMW82_zvj91QBePD6RJ4-LsCnV1j-fxC_CF5UP1mxf4C4GGz3_WQqYY-hDz_NeeqxeTfwJbLIkQ6GYt7KyHtASaS5C/s1600/10.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="336" data-original-width="595" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuoC7RRKqV_oBlVYP1-kORsYl7HImuC_2Qa1Vj5LxFQOb-ig_Ym8WMW82_zvj91QBePD6RJ4-LsCnV1j-fxC_CF5UP1mxf4C4GGz3_WQqYY-hDz_NeeqxeTfwJbLIkQ6GYt7KyHtASaS5C/s400/10.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Cir-El is here to remind you that pedophilia isn't just wrong, it will result in being horribly disfigured. And if she's not up for it, I certainly am.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>Cir-El</b><br />
<br />
Have you ever wondered to yourself what Superman's daughter might look like? Bam, here you go. Meet Cir-El, Clark's daughter from the future who got stuck in modern time for a while and did lots of superheroing. She's one of maybe two Supergirls who isn't his cousin, but that number might be three because complications involving characters sharing bodies and stuff like that. Comics are weird. But yeah, she was a pretty nifty character who I adored so...of course, it had to end badly for her. Yeah, apparently Braniac made her a carrier for a virus that was gonna make things a living hell in the future. Being a selfless hero herself to the very end, she did what her dad would've done: she let herself be dislodged from time, thus negating her own existence and stopping to future. But hey, somehow she came back for one story where all the different Supergirls worked together. Oh well, go read what she did appear in, it was mostly fun stuff. I don't have good luck with characters I really like surviving, do I? Someone please protect Gwenpool and Moon Girl, I do not trust Marvel.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF2mBuVIvPT36kEwpp5g0ij7A90zfpO6EIsTQ-KtnGCiuAhSNU6ecxDWg5yH3BvzhtvLrCmvzT7rS03x79UbRxwi53lTvTshpXBJn-MXcnnWalHfU1I11dFoZaqV84kXWYKznzvYiTg0b9/s1600/11.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="986" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF2mBuVIvPT36kEwpp5g0ij7A90zfpO6EIsTQ-KtnGCiuAhSNU6ecxDWg5yH3BvzhtvLrCmvzT7rS03x79UbRxwi53lTvTshpXBJn-MXcnnWalHfU1I11dFoZaqV84kXWYKznzvYiTg0b9/s400/11.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Some people just fall apart under pressure.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>The Heckler</b><br />
<br />
You know the opening image with Pokemon reference and all? Yeah, here's the guy from that image. Before Deadpool was this huge popular thing, before humour in comics was treated as gauche, and before Keith Giffen stopped really drawing anything, there was this book about a hero who literally fought crime by being an annoying mouthy fourth-wall breaking jokester. It was so much fun. i don't really know what else to tell you beyond this was one of those books that seriously deserved better and the character himself definitely deserves more love. He may not have the healing factor, the swords, the angsty backstory, or the various bromances, but he did supply the wit that the grimdark 90s needed. Giffen tends towards being able to do stories like that really well. Here's hoping that someday he'll come back to his forgotten crimefighter and maybe get a new crop of fans into him. I can hope, can't I?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKPppB8hQ8bmpq9-6AMa12lc1-4yPVJTLCa1nweZXP9jeTdzqRoeVqcRleLc8CvPxTEA9wEGnc0d1HqK_5WgR2EpOmiZvvzpflRPueMGsSzY_gSLTl3mLrAjJNVmTRnDCcXlH1YLBkDvxl/s1600/12.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="404" data-original-width="718" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKPppB8hQ8bmpq9-6AMa12lc1-4yPVJTLCa1nweZXP9jeTdzqRoeVqcRleLc8CvPxTEA9wEGnc0d1HqK_5WgR2EpOmiZvvzpflRPueMGsSzY_gSLTl3mLrAjJNVmTRnDCcXlH1YLBkDvxl/s400/12.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">See? Here I am holding out hope for things to get better. Everything's gonna be aces!</span></i></td></tr>
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Not gonna lie, this list was a massive pain in the ass to write up, which is partially my fault for not having available scans of The Protectors, but there was also my stomach trying to rend my flesh asunder too, so it was a shitshow on multiple fronts. Ultimately, I just hope that you found the list both entertaining and informative. Maybe some of you will look up these characters for yourselves so as to see what I found so good about them. And hey, if you have any obscure or forgotten heroes you were hoping I might talk about, leave a comment and let me know. You might teach me about someone I'm not familiar with. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go take a long break before I move on to talking about other superheroes. Later days, bleeders!Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-5668476116860997952018-03-26T15:38:00.001-07:002018-03-26T15:38:24.610-07:00Why the New Death of Superman Movie Doesn't Work<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirW-ZfyNbEkEVz23lWjsbA_2orlkPhOImBrHsOpmG7fHkmkydu2FssHxc2zXcJuVmD9WRZrfgAc0mVj6fjP1xDmcgOuUkmzPVTIsWwlUxSmqgXXQtV9dmrhveJ2tUbUDTLo9YR5EZgwbOy/s1600/1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="673" data-original-width="1287" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirW-ZfyNbEkEVz23lWjsbA_2orlkPhOImBrHsOpmG7fHkmkydu2FssHxc2zXcJuVmD9WRZrfgAc0mVj6fjP1xDmcgOuUkmzPVTIsWwlUxSmqgXXQtV9dmrhveJ2tUbUDTLo9YR5EZgwbOy/s400/1.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>I promise, it's not because Lois isn't a redhead.</i></span></td></tr>
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I know, I know, it's still a week until Superhero Month kicks off and here I am bitching about a superhero movie already. Hell, I'm griping about one that hasn't even been released yet, which is something I try desperately not to do. But, let me remind you that I <a href="https://bastardsgotanosebleed.blogspot.com/2017/05/top-ten-animated-movies-dc-needs-to-make.html" target="_blank">wrote a certain list</a> in which I talked about this very story getting a good adaptation. When I saw that they were doing a new film, I was ecstatic, because I personally always considered this story to be one of the most iconic examples of why Superman matters. Then more came out about the film and my heart sunk through the floor, where it's now inhabiting the subterranean world of Ugthalkugah. This film will not be accurate to the classic tale and that's so damn disappointing and simply does not work. And now I'm here to talk in detail about why.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVdfmC0fyPaJdhSh4tLR0jKDLMITnBT18578wsJTrIm0nWjepNpezrua7ZgTC0_86C8dly3jhHMlNZaF7hiX04rzDwvbSbHgphCB_bOaXyoS2YQN0pNpZrev6zkSh8TXmdI11XRHkcDvEo/s1600/2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="666" data-original-width="1255" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVdfmC0fyPaJdhSh4tLR0jKDLMITnBT18578wsJTrIm0nWjepNpezrua7ZgTC0_86C8dly3jhHMlNZaF7hiX04rzDwvbSbHgphCB_bOaXyoS2YQN0pNpZrev6zkSh8TXmdI11XRHkcDvEo/s400/2.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Now's your chance to bail out and go read the old comics instead of my nonsense.</i></span></td></tr>
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Alright, so let's take a little journey back, shall we? To the early 90s, a period when the heavy hitter for the Justice League was Superman and the rest of the team was made up of capable individuals who were not really on the level of the people we generally all think of when we hear "Justice League". There was no Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Batman, Aquaman, Flash, or even Captain Marvel on the team. Cyborg had never even been a League member yet. The team was made up of Superman, Ice, Fire, Bloodwynd, Guy Gardner, Blue Beetle, and Booster Gold. They were, again, very capable and weren't a bad line-up at all. But they weren't all in Superman's strength class, like Aquaman or Wonder Woman is. Which leads to the first glaring issue with this new film: they're using the New 52 animated Justice League.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicluCCMvYAJCrXOC8c5OpIyzMXuEgQwVbvl3NrADBqjHq3vTH_Tfe3kVTiduhyO5CAmeZAJ2dS6WDyfFnVNbCNWiSkMEuhZmBfCUZAyXKRuV0QUq7J3Jim9vsqNcsbXr8KMzAgv4-lIiwA/s1600/3.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="597" data-original-width="1197" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicluCCMvYAJCrXOC8c5OpIyzMXuEgQwVbvl3NrADBqjHq3vTH_Tfe3kVTiduhyO5CAmeZAJ2dS6WDyfFnVNbCNWiSkMEuhZmBfCUZAyXKRuV0QUq7J3Jim9vsqNcsbXr8KMzAgv4-lIiwA/s400/3.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">You know, these guys from that movie that movie I loathed.</span></i></td></tr>
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As much as I hate Justice League: War, my complaint here is no regarding that film. No, it's regarding plausibility, because that team is made up completely of heavy fucking hitters. The people on that team took down Darkseid, one of the literal most powerful beings in the entire DC Universe. And this team, this menagerie of talents, is going to be in The Death of Superman. I'm sorry, but no. I am not buying that in a story with Captain Marvel, Wonder Woman and Aquaman, three people who are easily Superman' equal strength-wise, that he's going to be getting beaten to death by Doomsday. It doesn't bloody work. And you know what? They knew that back then because none of those characters where ever involved in the Death of Superman story. They were not available to help him, which is a big reason why he died. He was the only one who could truly stand up to the power of Doomsday.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWtrzCnEgmNxjOzGJX0oEwQ6o-bA9BxpxhyJpWvFUQy_BmHfRH3w3QDoH0oc9CX3dxZ3h1OC0gtWsiliccC_eOmB4W6Bx8VVJVDNFLhnI_KOza5BRfOWfb3PjzTnSZaFkqBrgxBOqwvrH-/s1600/4.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="651" data-original-width="1011" height="257" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWtrzCnEgmNxjOzGJX0oEwQ6o-bA9BxpxhyJpWvFUQy_BmHfRH3w3QDoH0oc9CX3dxZ3h1OC0gtWsiliccC_eOmB4W6Bx8VVJVDNFLhnI_KOza5BRfOWfb3PjzTnSZaFkqBrgxBOqwvrH-/s400/4.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>It's hard for him to die if he's got people who can easily bail his ass out.</i></span></td></tr>
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See, the reason it worked with the League in the story back then was because they were grossly overpowered by this new menace. Doomsday tore through the team like a hot knife through the flimsiest cheap tissue paper you can find at the dollar store. It was horrible. The first time I read it, I was in shock. This was the League I grew up on, they were my Justice League and I loved them, and they all looked dead as hell. Blue Beetle was left in a coma, Booster Gold barely survived with broken arm due to his suit, Guy Gardner was blinded, it was insane. Even Maxima, the only other league member who was in Superman's strength class at the time, was beaten easily. Thus you see the issue here, yes? How are we, the audience, supposed to believe that Superman is the only one who is capable of standing up to this threat...when he quite literally isn't?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbKzqbM1JTiVjnHwfTIkq03SujxBqoLz3bBteqkWtTWMdywBWdXvTaofMZ6JA2LmEktyZEyLlSqQvvLYvRi2BmaZ9sQQwQzcfBmiWBs0xZl8GjjsMJUqTAayg5ZCYrzJYbS0fOodWbw-MW/s1600/5.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="721" data-original-width="1197" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbKzqbM1JTiVjnHwfTIkq03SujxBqoLz3bBteqkWtTWMdywBWdXvTaofMZ6JA2LmEktyZEyLlSqQvvLYvRi2BmaZ9sQQwQzcfBmiWBs0xZl8GjjsMJUqTAayg5ZCYrzJYbS0fOodWbw-MW/s400/5.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Boy howdy, I sure am scared of Superman dying while surrounded by all of his friends that can single-handedly destroy entire cities by sneezing.</i></span></td></tr>
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Now, I get it. They've started their New 52 Animated Universe thing and they want to make iconic stories with those versions. Great. I mean, I hate those designs because of how busy they are, but whatever, more power to them. Tell those New 52 stories that you're proud of. But don't go backwards and try to shoehorn those characters into a story that was built around certain characters for it to even fucking work. If they can do an animated Batman: Year One that doesn't drastically alter the story, if they can do a Son of Batman that doesn't drastically alter the story, if they can make All Star Superman and manage to keep the tone and story cues from that, then they can give us a damn film about Superman believably dying because he didn't have the A-listers available to save his Kryptonian heiney. And do you know why I am certain that they should know this won't work? Because they did it before!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigqogu4A5HvfgsrYO_3COzYH5hLGbvRFSTVhi5tG-SsOxW8tT128b7hGQ5AOqqytQfO1UFCxdXyDgyzNWneTklLXtd0cgcm4U11h2k0c9Qco8An6ap6km8yFlN_M33KHoJ5z0Z4Jw9V_QE/s1600/6.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="624" data-original-width="1050" height="237" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigqogu4A5HvfgsrYO_3COzYH5hLGbvRFSTVhi5tG-SsOxW8tT128b7hGQ5AOqqytQfO1UFCxdXyDgyzNWneTklLXtd0cgcm4U11h2k0c9Qco8An6ap6km8yFlN_M33KHoJ5z0Z4Jw9V_QE/s400/6.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>And the first time managed to make Superman look like Charlton Heston with black hair.</i></span></td></tr>
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Twice they've done this exact story and both times they were smart enough not to allow Superman tons of big tough buddies capable of backing him up. Superman: Doomsday didn't have a League in it at all, which could've worked if they'd focused more on the human drama that inspired Superman to give his all, but they didn't because they jammed The Return of Superman into there too is a really awful way, so it ultimately felt forgettable. The second time was Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, because calling the movie what it actually was would've made Batman's Frank Miller hate-boner make no sense, sense Batman wasn't even in the original story anyway.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiooZSm1vMJ976iVWSjxuCZDPVnQXBGQPijtp1KybPTqiYXVWyXwtygJVolqwiQXP9LGemCWPNNy_LEkWwGlvRSpSXjKq8TzwYpphde3970ScnuiMAjgGAJVEYkpP8QWY2Wt1o-9Yl9ruoC/s1600/7.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="582" data-original-width="928" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiooZSm1vMJ976iVWSjxuCZDPVnQXBGQPijtp1KybPTqiYXVWyXwtygJVolqwiQXP9LGemCWPNNy_LEkWwGlvRSpSXjKq8TzwYpphde3970ScnuiMAjgGAJVEYkpP8QWY2Wt1o-9Yl9ruoC/s400/7.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>He was busy dealing cult assassins and a luchador crime boss who was going to break him in half. No, really.</i></span></td></tr>
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I'm not saying that the film would have to include that exact League, but it would definitely have to include members that would not believably be able to stand toe-to-toe with Doomsday. Also, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that seeing Wonder Woman, as portrayed in these films, cradling the dying Superman instead of Lois Lane is not going to hold the weight to make anyone tear up. That scene was emotional in the original book because Superman died in the middle of his city, surrounded by his friends and co-workers, being cradled by the woman who loved him, after he gave every single ounce of strength he had to save everyone. Doomsday was the biggest strongest enemy he'd faced up to that point and he had to face him without help, which led to his death. The new animated film won't work because he won't be alone and that's what disappoints me. It lowers the stakes and makes it feel hollow. I already sat through one very hollow animated Justice League film, I have zero interest in sitting through another one.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEFcUWPENdJZ2UK0NQv8s7M6nt7pNz8VcU9sUsqo_UyCJW95dWwFB9Zr9AKh-jCzRzzL1Vd2oNDtongub45RtUVklHBFFIy58iM9I3AyDG86iOXDh11NaUptI0eyGi79S0Re6ifmjs7aGF/s1600/8.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="657" data-original-width="1157" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEFcUWPENdJZ2UK0NQv8s7M6nt7pNz8VcU9sUsqo_UyCJW95dWwFB9Zr9AKh-jCzRzzL1Vd2oNDtongub45RtUVklHBFFIy58iM9I3AyDG86iOXDh11NaUptI0eyGi79S0Re6ifmjs7aGF/s400/8.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Now, if you'll excuse me, I kinda want to reread this story for the umpteenth time.</span></i></td></tr>
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<br />Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-14635335998569391272018-03-23T11:05:00.003-07:002023-06-25T03:24:23.420-07:00My Personal Experiences as a "SJW" G.I. Joe Fan<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuR0TmDc1s6F1htvKntaHsjiRn61J5_kMcatJgjKLuufeZ824si7arscvQ24B8c-bM151B5czIw__IGB1UKL-JwqCBmhO9JeAxMwFgqj6pdYG7XpoNL9aL8Zkd16XeF60qT-Iwd0zWCru7/s1600/1.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="588" data-original-width="1062" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuR0TmDc1s6F1htvKntaHsjiRn61J5_kMcatJgjKLuufeZ824si7arscvQ24B8c-bM151B5czIw__IGB1UKL-JwqCBmhO9JeAxMwFgqj6pdYG7XpoNL9aL8Zkd16XeF60qT-Iwd0zWCru7/s400/1.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Otherwise known as "that article Brian wrote that likely will make G.I. Joe fans hate him", which isn't quite as nice a title.</i></span></td></tr>
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I'm sure it's come up once or twice in the many years I've rambled about pop culture and movies, but for those new to the party, my name is Brian and I am a huge G.I. Joe fan. I grew up in the 80s/90s era of the franchise, watched all the cartoons, read all the comics, own all the movies, and count Sgt. Slaughter as one of my personal heroes.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgcIdfrGBg5HRQqCTlydEdHN9XU3uR0ra-CBWIHrHedNRLaZGYGTB1eA7YujUj_NtRAcdCRdbJLjY_KhgAX3lPE4mHOsB-sLAw83GdXrg48vrpIKu5Ukv592n3JFX51tkqh_5QW1ffyy0B/s1600/2.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="666" data-original-width="1043" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgcIdfrGBg5HRQqCTlydEdHN9XU3uR0ra-CBWIHrHedNRLaZGYGTB1eA7YujUj_NtRAcdCRdbJLjY_KhgAX3lPE4mHOsB-sLAw83GdXrg48vrpIKu5Ukv592n3JFX51tkqh_5QW1ffyy0B/s400/2.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>It's frankly hard not to love the Sarge though.</i></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Like Captain America, he represents an ideal more than he does the reality. To me, that was always more important regarding G.I. Joe as a whole. It's about the ideal, the enforcement in doing what's right, in standing up for people who need it. As a kid who dealt constantly with being bullied in one form or another, it was easy to look at G.I. Joe and love them. They were heroes, putting themselves in harm's way to fight for people like me. Their message wasn't about politics, it was about helping people. And yeah, it could result in incredibly hokey moments. The original cartoon as a whole was one giant hokey moment, honestly.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzx5iy00zMYviW2spJ9rHZO8esfLpMI5chdELAhSEdXHAP8pgeyJ_sAee2idBdsxqLy_5kL75Ly9EbbXreNHv2EI3-npAKiOAxLESEZ4zhaVlTMANmN-QNw9sGtxta-H-TQ1D3q9BckWyb/s1600/3.gif" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="360" data-original-width="480" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzx5iy00zMYviW2spJ9rHZO8esfLpMI5chdELAhSEdXHAP8pgeyJ_sAee2idBdsxqLy_5kL75Ly9EbbXreNHv2EI3-npAKiOAxLESEZ4zhaVlTMANmN-QNw9sGtxta-H-TQ1D3q9BckWyb/s400/3.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>I mean...come on...come the fuck on...look at this.</i></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: small;">But the issue at hand here is that fandoms are often divisive and people do not always see things the same way. What G.I. Joe means to me doesn't mean a thing to a lot of others out there. The same way a lot of people have made it clear they don't like me enjoying female Ghostbusters, loving gay Transformers, or standing up for American adaptations of a Japanese comic series. Don't even get me started on how people feel about my Passion of the Christ review. People tend to get...protective...when it comes to being a fan of something. Whether it's a comic series about a moody sociopath using a book to kill people or a carpenter inspiring an entire religion, there tends to be very extreme individuals ready to leap at you when you are critical of something related to that thing they love.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0wtBFExoVshDIZDGwF0CJefDiwdPzF8Pjw7XdEIC8SDhP_dHHydwe5tcu8mdyEyZPf4SneZQfb0kGH5t2EFcquaXer9allbmRjI38LQZkLS069lnFf4cb5dwrNE8qrzvPeugRZdKuGKN2/s1600/4.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="457" data-original-width="992" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0wtBFExoVshDIZDGwF0CJefDiwdPzF8Pjw7XdEIC8SDhP_dHHydwe5tcu8mdyEyZPf4SneZQfb0kGH5t2EFcquaXer9allbmRjI38LQZkLS069lnFf4cb5dwrNE8qrzvPeugRZdKuGKN2/s400/4.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>It tends to never result in anything positive.</i></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: small;">So, what does this have to do with G.I. Joe? Well, it's no secret that there are a lot of very conservative fans out there and that they can be a bit hostile. It wasn't hard to find someone to attack me for feeling a certain way about any number of subjects. Hell, it's all too easy, considering I have never looked for hate. But then there's my love of G.I. Joe and the gradual realization that a lot of other Joe fans are not down with my views or even who I am as a person. As a member of the community, I have tried not to call much attention to myself for any number of reasons but I think the biggest one is because I've always been scared of being hated by other Joe fans for who I am.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7UaVYjChJkvWZy6oaMcheX5CDVOi26-vGNChVEh2ne2Vvee2cepM-sXdXjljyi5zksrKvMees3knDbVldMBQbAoDtVRM9875qUkJeM6NQG6tpb-cCxsBsei-ykHpCkd7OP4Nn3HYiTr8E/s1600/5.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="655" data-original-width="1171" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7UaVYjChJkvWZy6oaMcheX5CDVOi26-vGNChVEh2ne2Vvee2cepM-sXdXjljyi5zksrKvMees3knDbVldMBQbAoDtVRM9875qUkJeM6NQG6tpb-cCxsBsei-ykHpCkd7OP4Nn3HYiTr8E/s400/5.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>I just want to hang out with my Crite buddy and pretend I'm not slowly decaying.</i></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: small;">It's not everyone out there I'm afraid of though. I've met some really great people through a mutual love of G.I. Joe and I don't think my views would make them hate me. But, on that same note, I have been called an "SJW" by a lot of idiots out there and I have to imagine that there are likely going to be some in that community that would do the same. Over the past year, I set a goal for myself to trudge through the IDW G.I. Joe books that I long since gave up on. Why? Because I was getting really into the Transformers stuff they put out and the shared universe aspect made me feel like going back and filling in the blanks, because I am a comic geek with a bit of a masochistic streak. As for why I stopped reading...that'd be the fact that the book went really right-wing really fast and it felt boring to read. Great art, interesting character designs, but Chuck Dixon's writing just dragged into the same territory that makes Frank Miller an unlikable old dickhead yelling at young geeks on his lawn.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWoc7-M-UUqDdMFXuQHCtcN3gWZ_XRdFc7U0GVG55VEnbYE2ITeXgblljZbuHXk4Nk2JzDyMXAAk04jRISSXayGLRO753u4sfKaLYiy74O3EEEd2jrw3YWB8KXDOMNLx68deoJ8Gps3H9z/s1600/6.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="537" data-original-width="956" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWoc7-M-UUqDdMFXuQHCtcN3gWZ_XRdFc7U0GVG55VEnbYE2ITeXgblljZbuHXk4Nk2JzDyMXAAk04jRISSXayGLRO753u4sfKaLYiy74O3EEEd2jrw3YWB8KXDOMNLx68deoJ8Gps3H9z/s400/6.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Oh, Frank Miller, you're just the old racist sexist gift that keeps on being given to me despite my requests for socks.</i></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: small;">As a member of the community, I have seen people attacked for their sexuality, for being "too liberal", and for generally rocking the boat. It's a big part of why I always shy away from talking about anything G.I. Joe in regards to those things. But, as my Army veteran father told me, "don't be afraid to speak up". I've never shied away from this shit, why start now? Here we go. I'm a G.I. Joe fan, I have more leftist views, I'm a panromantic demisexual, I think Devils Due Press stuff was great, and I actually really enjoyed Aubrey Sitterson's run on the book. I don't think it's fair that people attacked him for his political beliefs or for what he said on Twitter about 9/11. He's entitled to his views. His run on G.I. Joe was creative, fun, and a huge step up from Chuck Dixon's jingoistic run that frankly dragged the G.I. Joe down into being the very thing some people always thought it was: right-wing propaganda. Sitterson seemed to want the book to be a big weird fun time and embrace that side of G.I. Joe that some people like to pretend isn't there.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh73sG9vvbVxDvq4MQ9kiracF7biL_g5apNv_9bQo45j_z9HHCd1D3IYbIhHM4M3vFxt_g8XpFhpKhypIFxIEM_9vuZwyDWz1JqFDqtxque41RzlEDUFulMZGiJHYWeOpUeo29lXaCB8AAZ/s1600/7.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="656" data-original-width="941" height="278" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh73sG9vvbVxDvq4MQ9kiracF7biL_g5apNv_9bQo45j_z9HHCd1D3IYbIhHM4M3vFxt_g8XpFhpKhypIFxIEM_9vuZwyDWz1JqFDqtxque41RzlEDUFulMZGiJHYWeOpUeo29lXaCB8AAZ/s400/7.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>People don't always think the franchise is at its best when it goes outside of the box.</i></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: small;">There was a ton of backlash towards the female Salvo, which I don't recall seeing with the female Dial-Tone. Sure, the Resolute Dial-Tone is said to be the original's sister, but the IDW one wasn't given that backstory and Dixon didn't get shit for that. I've heard people claim Sitterson is an asshole, that he's defensive, that he is hostile towards fans, but then I also heard the exact opposite too. There are people who are fans that said he was really nice and easy to talk to. I don't know, I've never talked to him, but what I do know is this: fandoms can be toxic. People can get so protective of something, so reactionary towards someone they feel has damaged the thing, that they try to ruin that person in the pettiest of ways. I have been hacked, threatened, verbally abused, buried in hate mail, and had to report someone I once cared about deeply as a friend for harassment, all because of toxic fandom.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>I don't know, Skywarp. Mostly I'm just rambling, because that's what I do.</i></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: small;">All I'm trying to say is that it's not okay that I have to feel afraid to talk about enjoying Aubrey Sitterson's work because of how hostile a lot of G.I. Joe fans seem to be towards it. It's not right that so many people are getting attacked by members of the ComicsGate movement because they want something different. I know I'm painting a bullseye on myself, but what else is new? I always paint bullseyes on myself. I'm the guy that made fun of the Jesus snuff film, defended the Howard the Duck movie, and had a lovely conversation with Adam Wingard on Twitter in the midst of a hate storm regarding his adaptation of a Japanese comic book.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTHbbYJSHn2DxSwBxpKZldkXWd4TFJgRjRfyPAOA5DPY8_DojL_qMAW9U9DG7KQeZcBArT9-WRWtrXJQ0LFqVAGWWt7EwOmg5jbZTNlSnzBb0UI0U2tYqviLqJzpvNZzyZMg8ccjw5BzuH/s1600/9.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="427" data-original-width="681" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTHbbYJSHn2DxSwBxpKZldkXWd4TFJgRjRfyPAOA5DPY8_DojL_qMAW9U9DG7KQeZcBArT9-WRWtrXJQ0LFqVAGWWt7EwOmg5jbZTNlSnzBb0UI0U2tYqviLqJzpvNZzyZMg8ccjw5BzuH/s400/9.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Apparently I'm also the guy who enjoys the DDP ending because that series had a satisfying conclusion.</i></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I don't want you to hate me for my views, for enjoying things, or for making jokes...but I also don't give a fuck if you hate me either. Because, even though it can be scary, I will let my "SJW" flag fly if that's what it means to not cower in a corner while some asshole jerks off to Ethan Van Sciver's tweets reinforcing their own hateful viewpoint. Geeks as a whole deserve better than what the most vocal pieces of shit offer us. We deserve to be allowed to grow past old methodologies, to read books and feel safe. But I guess some geeks prefer to become the bullies that used to give them shit for reading comics in the first place. Me though? Your hate will never ruin my fun. If that bothers you, go scream into a pillow, because I'm done listening.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkGKVqebdVHdehIdchrJlHdVWehY1jsvHtiliHE0_LMGK9ssQASpPTc5Ok9jf8VPNBiY1r0tYdWbww9_oH4JyFryhRxkv1Zmg7WyOIopAx4qfj0moAOMNSzOfj-FQxdJaRi6rbdQv9m3FC/s1600/10.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="537" data-original-width="1137" height="188" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkGKVqebdVHdehIdchrJlHdVWehY1jsvHtiliHE0_LMGK9ssQASpPTc5Ok9jf8VPNBiY1r0tYdWbww9_oH4JyFryhRxkv1Zmg7WyOIopAx4qfj0moAOMNSzOfj-FQxdJaRi6rbdQv9m3FC/s400/10.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>And I want to say, I personally feel robbed knowing that we won't be getting any more of these two together. SkyRock forever, baby.<br /></i></span></td></tr>
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Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-71230463775091214372018-02-20T15:57:00.002-08:002018-02-20T15:57:24.836-08:00Brian's Best Movies of 2017<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN7Ui_vFLZyruEdwRv2cF4QwpR0O_NrkYFnbVa_xQMLdGiRkbhK1PVZSN3Dqu0Yy5E3LN4yvQtgCdunkTv6DGJShyphenhyphenF0IiiHKGTvpMj0938KXgSZpPU5fmYZ7s9Cb3_dmlrDM3JAkrpLVhf/s1600/1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="526" data-original-width="981" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN7Ui_vFLZyruEdwRv2cF4QwpR0O_NrkYFnbVa_xQMLdGiRkbhK1PVZSN3Dqu0Yy5E3LN4yvQtgCdunkTv6DGJShyphenhyphenF0IiiHKGTvpMj0938KXgSZpPU5fmYZ7s9Cb3_dmlrDM3JAkrpLVhf/s400/1.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Brace yourself, because my opinions might not be your own.</i></span></td></tr>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I would like to sit here and tell you I haven't posted anything up because I have been prepping a library of stuff. I would love if that were true. But it's not because...I have honestly been sitting here going over and over what my favourite films were from last year. Yep, I really have been debating over that for this fucking long. Holy shit, it has been amazing difficult. Like, yeah, it's been a terrible year for a lot of things but we got some truly excellent films. Half of the films on this list weren't even on it in earlier drafts. But I'm gonna suck it up and just put this out there as is. You most certainly will not agree with all of my choices but please bear in mind...this is MY list. I'm not here to spout anyone's opinions but my own. So, let's throw down the gauntlet and get this started.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzXUregQm4F-fDRQHaiAFkkHUp0ODbMLGST-P_cUWwL9-jzyfuMm5bNepWNLxo5oZOG2tIumVHwdqlKAnhMC_PMaKLowf2ZhIoQjuzEwAurSEqnQW6pEuR-cEiA5gVjLTgXr_X93EGy6B9/s1600/2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="578" data-original-width="1036" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzXUregQm4F-fDRQHaiAFkkHUp0ODbMLGST-P_cUWwL9-jzyfuMm5bNepWNLxo5oZOG2tIumVHwdqlKAnhMC_PMaKLowf2ZhIoQjuzEwAurSEqnQW6pEuR-cEiA5gVjLTgXr_X93EGy6B9/s400/2.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>What's worse, the lack of wi-fi or the missing limbs?</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>#10, The Bad Batch</b><br />
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Let's be real here, as someone who is somewhat young the future feels bleak. We hope we can change it but the terror of it being a place where none of us really want to live feels all-encompassing. Amirpour seems to have tapped into that with this post-apocalyptic thriller about a future where people get tossed into a vast wasteland when they're deemed undesirable, termed "the bad batch", and forced to survive in an arid environment with others who most likely will be hunting them down to feed on. That was a long bloody sentence. While the film didn't become a critical darling on places like Rotten Tomatoes upon release, the message of a hopeless future where people are tossed out like trash really stuck with me. Living with Trump in charge, Nazis running around feeling safe to be the best racists they can be, and seeing a deteriorating world just made the film feel haunting in a way I can't quite explain. So, it gets on the list.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvYhAV7CWIaKJnTZjm8lZuT8NIsrFex6d73IThbez4QLUsslZ9WvWBh1cWm3eAMflm7zOx4GPdF-XTlcXDKN9IBf8NCVdvMi4Vax8uHA0yaAZoSvcHklzVFP2ijPFg25cX8qj7PpunLzXy/s1600/3.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="529" data-original-width="955" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvYhAV7CWIaKJnTZjm8lZuT8NIsrFex6d73IThbez4QLUsslZ9WvWBh1cWm3eAMflm7zOx4GPdF-XTlcXDKN9IBf8NCVdvMi4Vax8uHA0yaAZoSvcHklzVFP2ijPFg25cX8qj7PpunLzXy/s400/3.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Behold, the weirdest episode of Sesame Street ever.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>#9, The Void</b><br />
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What's that? You say this came out in 2016? Well, yes and no. It was originally aired in 2016 but it wasn't given theatrical release until 2017, so there you go. Have I ever mentioned I love existentialist horror? Especially when it also has a hefty Lovecraftian edge to it? No? Well, we're learning new things all the time. I don't want to say a lot about this movie, because the mystery of it is a major part of the appeal. What I will say is that as a horror fan, this movie was a real treat. Not only did it deliver a story I got into but it also delivered some great practical effects work. I liked it so much that I bought a British Blu-Ray because I didn't want to wait for the American release. If you love horror, go check this out immediately.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaoZYuTqJW-N8AUmjYLhYZm65n0_IpldwVrAq4MzhEVOUSq8Q3yFIhJfO5BAX1nRZo4TsaMJ12R0xwB_TdRnDncfWxonDUoahYAdVaGiOxVPZ9LgIi65KQvHHpnIlBHCVrMccg68drHbEg/s1600/4.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="636" data-original-width="1148" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaoZYuTqJW-N8AUmjYLhYZm65n0_IpldwVrAq4MzhEVOUSq8Q3yFIhJfO5BAX1nRZo4TsaMJ12R0xwB_TdRnDncfWxonDUoahYAdVaGiOxVPZ9LgIi65KQvHHpnIlBHCVrMccg68drHbEg/s400/4.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Believe it or not, this isn't a post-apocalypse. This is just Florida.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>#8, The Florida Project</b><br />
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There are some things that are hard to explain. One of those things, for me, are my feelings towards Florida. Growing up, we came here every year for vacations but that didn't mean what you might think it means. I never went to Disney World or Universal Studios, to Busch Gardens or SeaWorld. No, my vacation memories largely consist of being the only white kid running in a group of Cuban kids as we all ran around a trailer park playing. Even now, having lived in Florida for well over 10 years, I still deeply associate the state with those childhood memories. Everything seemed fascinating to me and I can't help but look at the kids in this film and feel a wave of nostalgia wash over me like a tsunami. But the reality of their lives, living out of a grungy hotel and barely scraping by, also hits me. It reminds me too of those kids I played with and how tired their parents always were when I saw them. How they struggled to get by while living in trailers that were falling apart. This film makes me list because it paints an honest portrait of what life is like for so many people here and really reminds me that childhood is often blind to the struggles of adulthood.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsAdxjnboyx3Oc-LsSgkOXhlkMHTIR193aTHZ4-RDjkUWmOG5ADW1EccTtRfxAGmec5XCkQQWBFTSaKo-iQzPqdaDYA8k2Gf4D6Hk2cLaVG-rm2lygQcj0MZgRAlmNDaVVWhC4-fq7ApRu/s1600/5.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="601" data-original-width="1018" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsAdxjnboyx3Oc-LsSgkOXhlkMHTIR193aTHZ4-RDjkUWmOG5ADW1EccTtRfxAGmec5XCkQQWBFTSaKo-iQzPqdaDYA8k2Gf4D6Hk2cLaVG-rm2lygQcj0MZgRAlmNDaVVWhC4-fq7ApRu/s400/5.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>The new Home Alone movie took a hard right when it came to expectations, let me tell you.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>#7, Better Watch Out</b><br />
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Ever wanted to watch Home Alone as a horror film? That'd be pretty damn interesting, honestly, but it's not exactly what this is. Talking about this film without spoiling it is incredibly difficult because the twist of it dominates the majority of the film. Let's just say that the movie takes the "nice guy" role and really hammers home how awful those guys can possibly be. It's honestly a good double feature with another film from last year I really enjoyed, The Babysitter. But I'm gonna just leave it all at that because the movie deserves to be watched and enjoyed without me spoiling what makes it so engaging.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7bupALNLHlnxUXHE4bFfCs9UJMiLdiHPP1vZcv-TzBfBLRKANo2rZTsrVqBQo_hvHxwc4Y4MdbvLIqIwnxbFZHCPt4IpnU2gnsUADskZMy4_DYx-lXBxuKrRGVtPnkENbvBGC-swqiYb4/s1600/6.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="690" data-original-width="1190" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7bupALNLHlnxUXHE4bFfCs9UJMiLdiHPP1vZcv-TzBfBLRKANo2rZTsrVqBQo_hvHxwc4Y4MdbvLIqIwnxbFZHCPt4IpnU2gnsUADskZMy4_DYx-lXBxuKrRGVtPnkENbvBGC-swqiYb4/s400/6.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"What is this? A getaway car for ants?"</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>#6, Baby Driver</b><br />
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Let's be real here, this movie may be one of the coolest films ever made. From concept to execution, Wright's vision of a getaway driver film is easily one of the most engrossing experiences of the past year and using music as a major storytelling cue is so well done that I wanted more when it was over. I've been a die-hard Edgar Wright fan for years and this film quickly became my favourite of his stable, which is really saying something when you look at the body of work he's cranked out for us to enjoy. Some may roll their eyes and say this was "too obvious" of a choice for this list, but I don't care. Baby Driver deserves to be celebrated endlessly.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg27LYG7CDEjV1dKPhws49KdqdXncCQNHEK_nT-F7Qm0YqVmVdQIIIKsUHKV9oDnpiO2Oeg3ZFC3a6b1NlS1LRUtDkSLcdUR0Ttm71_FMN0qxnZ2h54tPt8ALKuIGjsqfaaZj3e31XLHJtw/s1600/7.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="607" data-original-width="1087" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg27LYG7CDEjV1dKPhws49KdqdXncCQNHEK_nT-F7Qm0YqVmVdQIIIKsUHKV9oDnpiO2Oeg3ZFC3a6b1NlS1LRUtDkSLcdUR0Ttm71_FMN0qxnZ2h54tPt8ALKuIGjsqfaaZj3e31XLHJtw/s400/7.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"Honey, are you going to turn out to be a racist body-snatching psychopath?"</i></span></td></tr>
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<b> #5, Get Out</b><br />
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If you thought Baby Driver was too obvious, then boy are you getting right pissed at me now. Look, I don't know what to tell you. Earlier last year I said that it was going to make it on the list and I do try my best to keep my word. Despite all the people who shrug the film off as a Stepford Wives rip-off, when it really isn't at all, I'm here to tell you that Get Out is a powerful film that was hyped up for a reason. From its eerie atmosphere and sense of unease in every single frame, to its cast who all play their roles pitch perfect, to the climax where we see our own expectations subverted, it is worth every single moment of your time. I know it's hip to hate on popular things but the backlash to this film was so unjustified. If you haven't seen it yet, go see it. One of my new favourite horror films. And yes, it's a horror movie.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRxaZkWN90-q69KW8O9eaSeT2dQVKQjnGvlaKbJPFU9T5abH8b8kuYaTluujy0IzU13Jkw-kpXH8V0NULYLKSTH0pp_XE10fi3EHd2Hd1cuSMrx-AEG2GGX6UAOCWbCx_ZCnjBJQ0GMfH4/s1600/8.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="688" data-original-width="1401" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRxaZkWN90-q69KW8O9eaSeT2dQVKQjnGvlaKbJPFU9T5abH8b8kuYaTluujy0IzU13Jkw-kpXH8V0NULYLKSTH0pp_XE10fi3EHd2Hd1cuSMrx-AEG2GGX6UAOCWbCx_ZCnjBJQ0GMfH4/s400/8.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"And then I beat him up for calling me an elf, because that shit ain't cool, y'know?"</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>#4, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri</b><br />
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Every now and then there comes a movie that makes me go "huh", a movie that reels me in with sheer curiosity, a movie that hovers in that weird fringe area that Fargo seemingly created by existing. I had no idea what to expect out of Three Billboards, but I knew at least that it had a great cast, so it had to be a little good, yes? That was a major understatement. Touching on a myriad of societal issues with a dry wit and an unapologetic lead, this film is one I kept ranking higher at one time or another because it keeps me coming back to rethink it all. It's hilarious and also devastating, hovering that fine line between drama and comedy that is rarely done as well. My only advisement beyond saying you should watch it is that it can trigger people, as rape and suicide are major plot points in the film. If you think you can handle it, please invest some time into seeing this movie.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrvHZzpCKgB3-cROAZ4aPPc2rocG9gcPPCNugk9V9d6EdZIFB1SL7lU_NDjJEDNUu2oVw4f3evlZylhhD3K9PT-L27htsBbNQ9lxz7Rlc_EjEJs0h-F8eBrgFllHUIFU5t_yg1MoT6g_Qw/s1600/9.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="653" data-original-width="1386" height="187" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrvHZzpCKgB3-cROAZ4aPPc2rocG9gcPPCNugk9V9d6EdZIFB1SL7lU_NDjJEDNUu2oVw4f3evlZylhhD3K9PT-L27htsBbNQ9lxz7Rlc_EjEJs0h-F8eBrgFllHUIFU5t_yg1MoT6g_Qw/s400/9.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Man, this DC vs. Marvel is way more intense than I expected it to be.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>#3, Detroit</b><br />
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That was it, the one joke you're getting in regards to this film. In a year of great horror films, no film horrified me more than this one right here. This is a film based on the infamous Algiers Motel Incident during the 1967 riot in Detroit, a true story of real monsters terrorizing a group of people who simply tried to avoid being caught up in the violence outside. Three racist police officers methodically murder and impose their wills on these people, ultimately walking away feeling justified in their actions and not paying any true price for what happened. Nowhere will you see a more chilling example of the terror that black people feel when police show up that in this film. I don't even trust cops as a rule, because I've been harassed for literally no reason by them far too often, but I can't say I ever felt the abject horror these people undoubtedly felt as they were held at gunpoint during a riot by men who clearly thought they'd all be better off dead. Easily the scariest film I've seen this past year, partially because of how little things have actually changed.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPtPsXTgLB-gooSwQAFTzKCKcEMKTnET72Or1J6sFMh-YWr1gd2we2K3CzQQHtcOZLJpjvZJs8DzCEUgUyq12OpRbG8WuudTrox0Kd_5OKzWE0XviFN0dM_CWvldiyEKED7olJGGwCb0QF/s1600/10.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="652" data-original-width="1167" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPtPsXTgLB-gooSwQAFTzKCKcEMKTnET72Or1J6sFMh-YWr1gd2we2K3CzQQHtcOZLJpjvZJs8DzCEUgUyq12OpRbG8WuudTrox0Kd_5OKzWE0XviFN0dM_CWvldiyEKED7olJGGwCb0QF/s400/10.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Not gonna lie, I'd probably fuck him too.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>#2, The Shape of Water</b><br />
<br />
In a year where it felt like every single dude was being outed as a piece of shit, should it really shock anyone that women felt as drawn to this movie as they did? Fictional dudes already one-up real ones because they often don;t do crass shit that the ladies can't stand, but when all of us are getting a steady stream of examples that real men can be the worst, of course I can see why ladies want to bone the Creature from the Black Lagoon up there. Firstly, he's been sexyed up more than Bigfoot was in a certain other film from last year. Secondly, he's not forcing himself on our lead. Talking about the film itself, it's a great story about people who feel like outsiders to society coming together to help love bloom and grow. The acting job done by Sally Hawkins as our mute lead is phenomenal, expressing so much emotion in her role that other actors can struggle to compete with. Doug Jones plays perfectly alongside her as the Creature, managing to be both alien and sympathetic in his performance. And I would be remiss to not mention Michael Shannon's turn as the disturbingly intense villain of the piece. An offbeat romance for people who want something different and a great commentary on 1960s paranoia and bigotry. Go watch it multiple times.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTSxc1HgVPGyNtxI6at6KoQCwiX-mTD6UjKReedZaUZk8FHuf1Vt5nuOxZTZQY87WYEnsYJJ-m51zlLucX5lV2c1QMHSJalWaktgD1q7_Wry5iA7GgCKRtnJO5CYNTId9cQwMyCf8eHrUc/s1600/11.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="634" data-original-width="1131" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTSxc1HgVPGyNtxI6at6KoQCwiX-mTD6UjKReedZaUZk8FHuf1Vt5nuOxZTZQY87WYEnsYJJ-m51zlLucX5lV2c1QMHSJalWaktgD1q7_Wry5iA7GgCKRtnJO5CYNTId9cQwMyCf8eHrUc/s400/11.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>What have you gotten yourself into this time, Charlie Brown?</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>#1, IT</b><br />
<br />
If you know me, really know me of a deep level, you saw this coming. My absolute favourite film from the last year was a movie that a bunch of loud-mouthed idiots attacked because they can't let go of their nostalgia for a television mini-series that frankly doesn't hold up that well. I've been bitched at a lot over the past several years for my opinions regarding certain films, whether it be me calling out Passion of the Christ as a blatantly exploitative film that has little more than gore to offer, me defending a new Ghostbusters film because of the positive effect it had for young fans, or simply me being sent numerous death threats because I told Adam Wingard that I really enjoyed his Death Note film. I am no stranger to being dragged into movie-based stupidity parades. The one I wasn't expecting though was people hating on IT. this is a horror film that relies primarily on mood, acting, and practical effects to bring a truly terrifying experience...yet it got a tidal wave of hatred. I am alright if you disliked it for perfectly reasonable reasons. Maybe you dislike the change of it being set in the 1980s, perhaps you dislike them changing Mike's character, or maybe you're just not fond of how they portray Ben as being a huge New Kids on the Block fan. That's fine. But I don't find complaints about the special effects, the acting, the writing, or the atmosphere to be the least bit justified because this film knocked it out of the park with every single category. You don't agree and wanna get pissy? Tough.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifz1p4rgKaO4yJ5BtYBnaZquUPcIaQLks2rnTN5s-jdHB3GRUUD4Uqhp8yysfd6bFHrWTH9gzrZHtro4JZqDBBflUzKDBlSruR0i0VwzFs-_2HP6hP8nk_mAwypu97wY8yOH0uvp14iv2H/s1600/12.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="670" data-original-width="1191" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifz1p4rgKaO4yJ5BtYBnaZquUPcIaQLks2rnTN5s-jdHB3GRUUD4Uqhp8yysfd6bFHrWTH9gzrZHtro4JZqDBBflUzKDBlSruR0i0VwzFs-_2HP6hP8nk_mAwypu97wY8yOH0uvp14iv2H/s400/12.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"BUT MY OPINIONS ARE THE ONLY ONES THAT MATTER!!!"</i></span></td></tr>
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<br />
So that's it, my top ten best movies of 2017. I know I left out movies you would've probably included and that a number of you likely disagree with my choices, but it is what it is. Go make your own lengthy list where you can get hatemail for not picking a specific film over another. Me, I'm gonna go fart and have dinner. Later days, bleeders.Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-29030024287005378092018-01-23T23:13:00.002-08:002018-01-23T23:13:57.791-08:00It's Not a Horror Film If It Doesn't Scare You?<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjREbUTkOi2kzWewsKbhaKVWPRFKXQZ3XFWS7PY-pOVPqdBMfsoG3VmWcGmbLKaUuLVbmOKkQLcrVFsNy92WtowIiTXv9hsvfFlRytlLqSF-GaAl3UPTp25vw2iejn_CHCDGv05iueELNEk/s1600/nothorror.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="567" data-original-width="990" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjREbUTkOi2kzWewsKbhaKVWPRFKXQZ3XFWS7PY-pOVPqdBMfsoG3VmWcGmbLKaUuLVbmOKkQLcrVFsNy92WtowIiTXv9hsvfFlRytlLqSF-GaAl3UPTp25vw2iejn_CHCDGv05iueELNEk/s400/nothorror.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Yeah, I know how you're feeling there, dude.</i></span></td></tr>
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Boy oh boy, don't you know how fun it is to be a horror fan? We can communicate with another about our love for classic films, wax over nostalgic childhood horror memories, and we can all collectively be divided over whether horror movies are actually horror movies. That's a thing that happens. It happens a lot, sadly, and another writer I respect immensely gets a lot of shit for standing up against that sort of thinking. After seeing some new idiotic comments on his work, I decided that I wanted to write on the subject...then got sick and he wrote about it while I was retching in the bathroom. Seriously though, <a href="http://bloody-disgusting.com/editorials/3479797/editorial-horror-doesnt-scare-horror/" target="_blank">it's a great article that you should go read</a>.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrJPQOVFXu37_j87a_IFlzo5KxFJDZeShTrZqF9bMkD_cFw8jQafXSjLJuzyzHPlTBDxZBoQZHdSxSDjbzY_Dj3q2diOL217w6ImVrsQhyphenhyphen9ZIf_TDg3rZDNkdMP8UlewMgWcMxI-BBYN8d/s1600/1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="654" data-original-width="1099" height="237" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrJPQOVFXu37_j87a_IFlzo5KxFJDZeShTrZqF9bMkD_cFw8jQafXSjLJuzyzHPlTBDxZBoQZHdSxSDjbzY_Dj3q2diOL217w6ImVrsQhyphenhyphen9ZIf_TDg3rZDNkdMP8UlewMgWcMxI-BBYN8d/s400/1.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>And this is my face when I realized I have to follow up that well written piece. Fuck my donkey.</i></span></td></tr>
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<br />
<a name='more'></a>Let's be clear, I don't want to just repeat what John said because that would make this a pointless experience. I want to instead talk about why so many horror fans seem to be like this. A good starting point would be something I saw pointed out already: perhaps they hate films like It Follows and Get Out because they're popular and critically acclaimed? Now, the train of thought here is that the backlash is a result of horror possibly not being as niche now that it is experiencing some major success. Horror movies don't typically get nominated for Academy awards, for example, and yet now we've got Get Out and The Shape of Water, Guillermo Del Toro's horror love story, both up for Best Picture. It seems to have stirred up a lot of controversy with people who seem to feel as if these movies shouldn't be called horror because they equate their success with "selling out".<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDRpx_9fzSvt7mB9m208LLwcM9rIBTSdYcqC1AzF9r4E-iOPybfLdO6PWqJaWtheI86rYJBF7y5J20Rxdwl-OyufQ_F2ADzlgyjnFMupTP8U4VZrwM377A5uJLCny-9iZRmftFJI6ZqJxr/s1600/2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="651" data-original-width="1171" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDRpx_9fzSvt7mB9m208LLwcM9rIBTSdYcqC1AzF9r4E-iOPybfLdO6PWqJaWtheI86rYJBF7y5J20Rxdwl-OyufQ_F2ADzlgyjnFMupTP8U4VZrwM377A5uJLCny-9iZRmftFJI6ZqJxr/s400/2.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Someone tell Pepsi I am totally ready to shill for them, by the way.</i></span></td></tr>
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Here's the problem with this thought process: those films didn't succeed by pandering, which is generally what comes with selling out. Those films succeeded because they were creative and different, both tapping into something in audiences that truly made them worth remembering. No, an actual instance of someone pandering would be something like bringing back a dead slasher movie villain because the studio knew it would make tons of money. That's a thing that has become a staple of slasher movies too, yet is rarely decried. But it's acceptable to attack newer films that do well because...they're different? Hmmm...in a weird way, I guess that makes these vocal asshats spouting hate the same as Michael Shannon in The Shape of Water. He's a douchebag who lashes out at what he deems as aberrant, like say deviation from repetitive movie tropes and overused reliance on gore to sell a film.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin-hAXNt3D5iTKNdlnpq1_D0KP9QHLZy5XwlsSDHLvhwlXHOeRCyALsv95Du5WeApk5yrBqqI4MwXBLmi9kiyiCasuCA5rwvA5eD2M2FAXkV2A9UeTG1MT0o0v7UqanQ02i5ei0Tu7O7U2/s1600/3.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="1136" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin-hAXNt3D5iTKNdlnpq1_D0KP9QHLZy5XwlsSDHLvhwlXHOeRCyALsv95Du5WeApk5yrBqqI4MwXBLmi9kiyiCasuCA5rwvA5eD2M2FAXkV2A9UeTG1MT0o0v7UqanQ02i5ei0Tu7O7U2/s400/3.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"Real horror films are the way I want them to be and no other way! If they're different then they aren't really horror!!"</i></span></td></tr>
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Now, looking at the title, you might not follow how we got here from there. You see, the major thing all the moaning rabble often fall back on is two major beliefs: a horror film must be scary and it must be gory. My issue with that is that most horror films don't scare me at all. I grew up on them and ,even as a kid, only a handful ever really scared the shit out of me. And trust me, none of the films that scared me then are ones that scare me now, nor really should they. The single film that sent fear up and down me as child? Monster in the Closet, the horror comedy that was actually a very thinly veiled allegory for gay people living closeted lives.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwlmXCOCasNBKUHXV4UZGBgO7GUqdKGRV2esRFO6_ZjfVc2tuTkO4NkHF2gYp1tSQSM6sTeSBE1XkmYK38TbJbb7JDNjBph1I687ORf8Q8QCJYzOYY1xayVwrjbRqU7RUEKjUEMJ42PBPz/s1600/4.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="239" data-original-width="419" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwlmXCOCasNBKUHXV4UZGBgO7GUqdKGRV2esRFO6_ZjfVc2tuTkO4NkHF2gYp1tSQSM6sTeSBE1XkmYK38TbJbb7JDNjBph1I687ORf8Q8QCJYzOYY1xayVwrjbRqU7RUEKjUEMJ42PBPz/s400/4.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Oh yeah, this movie was my personal childhood nightmare.</i></span></td></tr>
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I had dreams where I played with Freddy Krueger in my backyard, a guy who was a child murderer, and that's largely because I wasn't scared of his films. After all, he killed teenagers, so he was alright by me. Saying that a movie has to be scary to be a horror film ignores the fact that not everyone experiences fear at the same things. The scariest film I saw this past year was actually a period piece about actual people being murdered by racist corrupt cops. I would honestly say that movie is borderline a horror film, because it is much more horrifying seeing these events take place than it is seeing a bit breasted girl get chased down by a slasher. Thus, I say that the "has to be scary to be horror" argument is idiotic.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi11HgjAsH-_hdU2eZCXQWREp_vEwIaYwVX9OD58k6cfY4IAJrV4ExlBj5IZS3hhTuN4lM_zsmOXZRo0AIHGKhYenTlrI67fpn52R_6w0AfHQ5VS3hHEX4ytNRDba2xYi-WzEPi9V1xdeeE/s1600/5.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="215" data-original-width="439" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi11HgjAsH-_hdU2eZCXQWREp_vEwIaYwVX9OD58k6cfY4IAJrV4ExlBj5IZS3hhTuN4lM_zsmOXZRo0AIHGKhYenTlrI67fpn52R_6w0AfHQ5VS3hHEX4ytNRDba2xYi-WzEPi9V1xdeeE/s400/5.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Idiotic. Kind of like the people who keep complaining.</i></span></td></tr>
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<br />
Moving on from that thoroughly unrealistic argument, there's the other supposed sticking point of these horror films not being real horror because they lack gore. Ignoring the fact that one of the targets of this hate parade is IT, a film that has a lot of gore in it, it really is a terribly confusing claim in general. Remind me, are John Carpenter's Halloween and The Fog considered horror? Because neither film is particularly gory, yet I've always thought of them as horror classics. How about Texas Chainsaw Massacre? The original film has less gore in it than either It Follows or Get Out, which are both films that have been getting shit for "not being real horror films". Gore does not a horror film make. If it did, then Eli Roth would be the singular king of horror rather than people like Wes Craven, John Carpenter, or Tobe Hooper.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO1zPnOFHwNiVkTg-1GtL4JcMpzHDNcZpgaXXgfAqZSvsEWXXOao4Q7N6dI3UioL-MJybPOeGgDZu6ZWk4fozSDeg0Xf8yw1JXmBXaZhgsMEgdpzO6JV2J0KDUjOA2K3dTCAYaQrYWcaow/s1600/6.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="610" data-original-width="1099" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO1zPnOFHwNiVkTg-1GtL4JcMpzHDNcZpgaXXgfAqZSvsEWXXOao4Q7N6dI3UioL-MJybPOeGgDZu6ZWk4fozSDeg0Xf8yw1JXmBXaZhgsMEgdpzO6JV2J0KDUjOA2K3dTCAYaQrYWcaow/s400/6.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>The only thing he's the king of is creating annoying characters.</i></span></td></tr>
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My basic take on all of this is that horror movies are horror movies and bitchy fanboys are invariably bitchy fucking fanboys. The same can be said when approaching horror, comics, video games, and even sports. Regardless of where you go, you're going to run into these annoying mouthy dog turds who only care about being negative shitstains within their community. It's probably best to ignore them, but not me. I like calling them out, because I'm the sort of person who enjoys seeing them stumble to defend their paper-thin arguments before ultimately being buried by more intelligent members of the community. It may take a while, but it always happens eventually. Because ultimately, they're just a vocal minority and we will always stand up to their bullshit.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZJ7SfClylrdau97ZZOAYuDS7VQDgHnDIFTfjM344nbYHpXShYghXi5chLIxCs9ApkUhL7SSC01X2O1Udoli7NFOD-NLrkW6_1faYaLYGtuucE2woFETYB-7qonUovhuMUiFJOjc8aHGxQ/s1600/7.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="649" data-original-width="1072" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZJ7SfClylrdau97ZZOAYuDS7VQDgHnDIFTfjM344nbYHpXShYghXi5chLIxCs9ApkUhL7SSC01X2O1Udoli7NFOD-NLrkW6_1faYaLYGtuucE2woFETYB-7qonUovhuMUiFJOjc8aHGxQ/s400/7.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Yes, we will finally be going down that road this year.</i></span></td></tr>
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<br />Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-52181863370313734832018-01-22T17:36:00.002-08:002018-01-22T17:36:48.381-08:00New Year, New LayoutHey, bleeders! It's been ages, hasn't it? After a year that was incredibly infuriating, we're here in a new one and I am refusing to stay down and let this kick me like the last one did. We're coming out swinging! I'll be posting new content to go with our new streamlined look, hopefully be getting the podcast back up and running, and will be trying my best to redo some of the mountain of work that got lost last year. No jokes for now, just a promise that I will be putting my all into kicking this year's ass. I hope you join me in the fight. Later days.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuwMIw8cw9_W0au1VcUcxfAdQmDJ9ThDFzHvxbEdeOuEpd4TN8SPsCV8s_nXlcceNEQqWuig-Q-8NWf7IdMDsQwgpF5Q0HyYKiahhPtswUIur3HhncqCCYnU2GECaxTI_0Xp7KsJr1ULsG/s1600/teaser2018.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="457" data-original-width="688" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuwMIw8cw9_W0au1VcUcxfAdQmDJ9ThDFzHvxbEdeOuEpd4TN8SPsCV8s_nXlcceNEQqWuig-Q-8NWf7IdMDsQwgpF5Q0HyYKiahhPtswUIur3HhncqCCYnU2GECaxTI_0Xp7KsJr1ULsG/s400/teaser2018.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>By the way, I will be reviewing most of the stuff in this image this year.</i></span></td></tr>
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<br />Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-53912172420526830552017-10-26T21:02:00.002-07:002018-01-01T21:25:18.300-08:00Unacceptable Comic Characters?Things have been...bumpy this month. Horrorfest, my annual celebration of all things horror...hit a major snag in the form of all the things I wrote for it beforehand being deleted somehow. And I've been informed they may not ever be recovered. Over 40 articles are now gone. Poof. I should've talked about it sooner but the whole experience has left me rather depressed and angry. So, let's channel that into something. Bitching about other writers! Yes, but who am I griping about today? Frank Miller? Mark Millar? Nope, we're going to talk about Joshua Olivieri.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvZmcXyWEDsM7UJ5-1tvsmmoH_tys1kZXMuaczIhcWEqpNeKT-aeat6TXWHE88ebIFYYVF-DITnmFjCCWSn4YqNkV-j-TAI_RVqozi2NG24F7RK25jDJmEZgq_2sezChzI4BwsogZVQSfS/s1600/1.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="150" data-original-width="245" height="244" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvZmcXyWEDsM7UJ5-1tvsmmoH_tys1kZXMuaczIhcWEqpNeKT-aeat6TXWHE88ebIFYYVF-DITnmFjCCWSn4YqNkV-j-TAI_RVqozi2NG24F7RK25jDJmEZgq_2sezChzI4BwsogZVQSfS/s400/1.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>You and everyone else, Wally.</i></span></td></tr>
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<a name='more'></a>Yeah, he's not exactly a massive name. He's simply a writer over at CBR who has written <a href="https://www.cbr.com/x-men-were-glad-were-never-on-screen/">some things</a> that are basically Buzzfeed articles. I want to be clear here too, I have no issue with the idea of lists. A good list article can be very entertaining to read through. I had two that got deleted in the great Horrorfest purge. They can be challenging as hell to write because to write one well you should properly research the material beforehand, even if you're already familiar. Mr. Olivieri seems to disagree though, because his articles show little to know effort on his part. They're lazy and often times just seem out of touch. But why did I decide to latch onto him? Because he wrote an article about what he called "<a href="https://www.cbr.com/unacceptable-00s-characters/">unacceptable comic characters</a>" and I started writing a comment to it that was so long that I felt silly posting it...especially since CBR seems to be deleting any critiques of their writers.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaGxM3C0kXNy5vuioQQYasPPyMlHEAJd_rlIpn93hN3HGgeXFS9MetonyrWLP-VUAHNarFvRElxwrA4e0GGgTt1uFcr5dwOZJS6CxKNu8-UYh_uUbbHHkMyStrMdfbeWxaxBNH5GT66O3U/s1600/2.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="366" data-original-width="480" height="305" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaGxM3C0kXNy5vuioQQYasPPyMlHEAJd_rlIpn93hN3HGgeXFS9MetonyrWLP-VUAHNarFvRElxwrA4e0GGgTt1uFcr5dwOZJS6CxKNu8-UYh_uUbbHHkMyStrMdfbeWxaxBNH5GT66O3U/s400/2.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Because who needs facts or research in journalism?</i></span></td></tr>
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Let's take a look at his list and point out some things about it that could've been avoided. First, he talks about Typeface, a Marvel character, whom he says "doesn’t work is that it takes the PTSD one would experience from coming
home and losing everything they love and turns it into some ridiculous
supervillain name". A few problems here. First, there's the glaringly obvious to anyone who read the Civil War comics: Typeface isn't a villain. He's an anti-hero ala the Punisher, which is another point against Joshua. The Punisher is also a veteran that suffers from PTSD. No, there's no actual desire here from him to point out the portrayal of a veteran suffering from PTSD as bad. What this really is is a paper-thin excuse to mock the design of Typeface. And sure, it's a silly look but that's not what this list is supposed to be about. Thus far, Mr. Olivieri has shown that not only does he not know about the subject matter beyond a quick wiki blurb, he also doesn't care enough to talk about a serious issue in depth that goes far beyond the portrayal of a dude who uses letters as weapons. He's not a victim to the writer, he's a punchline, which actually goes against the supposed point of his little list here.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI05TQ_Czji9rMpZNkFFeUUNlifFbuNFdkmVK85cuzg-fb571u3zKJODtiy02GPd-fLbG78V2cDLJkLD9k-ZF6Z6y9iMGvUSIPA13SGrHmgIvzaQOvUapMZ7EaWGQruFSnzBVG18_9sOpv/s1600/3.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="424" data-original-width="1071" height="157" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI05TQ_Czji9rMpZNkFFeUUNlifFbuNFdkmVK85cuzg-fb571u3zKJODtiy02GPd-fLbG78V2cDLJkLD9k-ZF6Z6y9iMGvUSIPA13SGrHmgIvzaQOvUapMZ7EaWGQruFSnzBVG18_9sOpv/s400/3.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>And trust me, as someone who read all of the Civil War stuff, Typeface is a victim. Mostly of bad writing.</i></span></td></tr>
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Next up we have Black Fox, a character from Marvel's often forgotten mini-series The Lost Generation. It's actually a really interesting read overall, but can be daunting if you're not used to superhero stuff. What's Joshua's problem with him? Well, he claims he's a blatant Batman rip-off. Now, nevermind the fact that there are literally 50 far more blatant Batman rip-offs out there, this is a character that actually channels more from characters like The Blue Blade and Zorro, as he was initially a swashbuckler type hero. Not to mention that Batman himself could be called a rip-off of characters like The Spider or The Shadow. What could Joshua have done rather than cherry pick an obscure character with minor similarities to Batman that isn't even problematic? How about talking about Frank Miller's own rip-off character, The Fixer, who was racist, sexist, violent as hell, and generally a dark mirror to Miller's own mental issues. But nah, let's attack this character no one has heard of instead.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr1aPtSIPZ1wQr54HGTQQecg3Pnyu6ojUJW-zdzSrC35JpQbNgd5bUYRcGWmlIK7jqYr4qEO3E4z5A7s72kSeAFMoMO1z9UsC8OUZvYD3qJYSFS8wXjYGvkSq6kbOpk7pWZQ6f18OTMiYQ/s1600/4.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="428" data-original-width="797" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr1aPtSIPZ1wQr54HGTQQecg3Pnyu6ojUJW-zdzSrC35JpQbNgd5bUYRcGWmlIK7jqYr4qEO3E4z5A7s72kSeAFMoMO1z9UsC8OUZvYD3qJYSFS8wXjYGvkSq6kbOpk7pWZQ6f18OTMiYQ/s400/4.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>It's easier to pick on obscure heroes than it is to talk about actual problematic ones, after all.</i></span></td></tr>
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Now, if there was any doubt that Olivieri knew anything about what he was talking about, this next one will cement that opinion for you. Ever heard of X-Statix? You know, the critically-acclaimed fan-favourite series from Peter Milligan and Mike Allred that showed celebrity superheroes and lampooned the idea of reality-TV culture? Yeah, that's the one. Well, Joshua calls it "a desperate attempt to create a comic series that would bring in the big
numbers, the writers turned it into a satire based on the X-Men", just to remind everyone that he either has the worst taste in comics or is completely out of touch. Critically acclaimed comics are hardly acts of "desperation". An act of desperation is to shit out a list that's supposedly about how certain comic characters wouldn't fly today while turning around and not doing that at all, instead making an awful opinion piece that doesn't actually talk about or give clear reasons why these things are supposedly "unacceptable".<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLaqB8K2ESoaJTziS38HjtAu7gCOl3yeCd875_NOhh9pGZqYHaHy6gsqRitH_7ssPwGoEvBmTn95z8U1gQTszXh7ZkhBP6b37gifVWl9wnW3qp6cW1n-AqTXdsMmBrToautxgXEfhJ9Kfz/s1600/5.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="660" data-original-width="1158" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLaqB8K2ESoaJTziS38HjtAu7gCOl3yeCd875_NOhh9pGZqYHaHy6gsqRitH_7ssPwGoEvBmTn95z8U1gQTszXh7ZkhBP6b37gifVWl9wnW3qp6cW1n-AqTXdsMmBrToautxgXEfhJ9Kfz/s400/5.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Just imagine if someone who actually read the comics talked about them.</i></span></td></tr>
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What's so unacceptable about X-Force/X-Statix? Is it the social commentary about topics like
toxic celebrity culture, prescription drug dependency, mental issues? Or
maybe he found the multiple LGBT characters unacceptable? Nah, surely
he doesn't have an issue with diversity. It's not like he'd ever attack the idea of a character existing to provide representation, right? Cue him talking about Orpheus, yet another obscure character with Batman connections, but that's not his issue. No, his issue is that Orpheus became a hero because he wanted Gotham to have a black superhero. He's not happy with this character because this character offers diversity. Now, sure, diversity hasn't always been handled terribly well, but that doesn't mean representation isn't important. To attack the idea that a man who wants to provide representation not only seems pretty terrible, it's honestly sounding more like an excuse to hate on a black superhero. I mean really, his complaint is literally about the creation of a brand-new character that offered diversity both in the comics and in universe. So, for all those people who cry out that companies should make new characters rather than legacy ones, here's a window into the apparent opposite direction.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghnpSZUjVND3AMIr1jRZw2Ttl5Z2aw7JnkUjpIcc3WNjZfLeBSFytg38L6OEi39ycV4c8espAsdb_0RYOrRkmR0F2uQi0rUCxaSxWN5tuPwM5I99nJVXL6qnnZhYmYMHjhy5c7Us7HQ1VE/s1600/6.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="510" data-original-width="988" height="206" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghnpSZUjVND3AMIr1jRZw2Ttl5Z2aw7JnkUjpIcc3WNjZfLeBSFytg38L6OEi39ycV4c8espAsdb_0RYOrRkmR0F2uQi0rUCxaSxWN5tuPwM5I99nJVXL6qnnZhYmYMHjhy5c7Us7HQ1VE/s400/6.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>And that outfit? Seriously stylish. Purple is the shit and not used enough.</i></span></td></tr>
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Next up in Joshua Olivieri's escapades towards getting all comic fans to hate him, he goes after the Super Buddies. Who are they? Why, they're the Giffen era Justice League! You know, one of the most beloved comic runs ever full of fan-favourite characters not only being heroes but also having fun? He refers to them as "laughable, incompetent versions of the legendary gods that we read about", which highlights that he has never once read a single issue of the Giffen League run, meaning he just proved that he did zero research for his article that he was paid money to write. Me? I get paid nothing and I can tell you most of this stuff from memory, yet I still look it up first to make sure I'm not being a prat espousing nonsense. Excuse me for a minute, I have to go practice a Martian meditation technique I learned in the Giffen League books.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5yG12_7KljR5FpAoc-OvQWuzg2qXcTTpKiYwsy-a6YSs_NoOt9syFdMzLreCspmb7UVUd6XBrPj_bL01AnOGwwLDX980lNOPy3My0iSdh8XVpsus-02vRPYmr38Dj_i207mJu8kwl0w2G/s1600/7.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="419" data-original-width="878" height="190" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5yG12_7KljR5FpAoc-OvQWuzg2qXcTTpKiYwsy-a6YSs_NoOt9syFdMzLreCspmb7UVUd6XBrPj_bL01AnOGwwLDX980lNOPy3My0iSdh8XVpsus-02vRPYmr38Dj_i207mJu8kwl0w2G/s400/7.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>I'm hoping that if I do it hard enough, maybe CBR will hire some writers who actually read the stuff they write about.</i></span></td></tr>
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Can he get lower than attacking beloved comic teams? Oh, I'm sure he can. Let's see...Doc Frankenstein. I remember that book. The Wachowskis wrote it and it was created by two very talented artists (Geoff Darrow & Steve Skroce). It was nominated for an Eisner and a very solid indie title, offering a story about the monster living on as a sort of pulp hero throughout history. It touched on political themes tied to its historical backdrop. I'd recommend the comic over the Matrix films when it comes to things the Wachowskis worked on. His issue with it? The political tone. Wait, hold up, he chose to attack an indie book for being political? Because I'm fairly certain that politics and comics are nothing new, even back in 2004 when the series began. Hell, a weird dream clone of Captain America just had to beat up an evil Nazified version of himself that Marvel pushed for 2 years.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUw1Y0tixt6YlMyRDBSvPkVPsdgP6sNznmzh1GgdLkKhbzLpP_6aoXp2laeKVtKGk5OHQ4uDmWyZ_64WdshQH57lEqtZuFlOIAISsjdrOSuXfOLDN4AFkMlGrQLZA2UOtsv_ChYu_cFgoE/s1600/8.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="545" data-original-width="1095" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUw1Y0tixt6YlMyRDBSvPkVPsdgP6sNznmzh1GgdLkKhbzLpP_6aoXp2laeKVtKGk5OHQ4uDmWyZ_64WdshQH57lEqtZuFlOIAISsjdrOSuXfOLDN4AFkMlGrQLZA2UOtsv_ChYu_cFgoE/s400/8.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Because Marvel finally realized Nazis are bad and not a good marketing gimmick.</i></span></td></tr>
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Olivieri thinks that talking about evolution and Roe v. Wade is too political, but neither of those things are actually about politics. But then, I wouldn't expect him to realize that abortion and science are not about politics because our own politicians seem to not get that either. Next one is easy. Freakshow, one of the young mutants introduced during the Excalibur series set on Genosha (again, a pretty good read) is brought up. The issue is point blank his name. A name that the character literally chose for himself that accurately describes his power set. He doesn't see the name as an insult, so this is Joshua grasping to fill spots at this point. And again, notice he's trotting out and attacking another more obscure character, because he probably figures nobody cares enough to call bullshit when he gets details wrong. Does anyone care? Well, according to the comments section of that piece...yes, people care. Clearly I care.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLwrBM0syyx6jKe8f5yLezpCHqW0O6zgqiRS7bqk3Y5HpDJg_9y8hIZaF8Rp7tJ-wnVhde-1QbMKjnUEHnJxvcSnBOBhRKX9SuAa7hE7k7qog4hwMt_iRnogtL2yQt89qwjEFVcPXEuQIH/s1600/9.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="657" data-original-width="1174" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLwrBM0syyx6jKe8f5yLezpCHqW0O6zgqiRS7bqk3Y5HpDJg_9y8hIZaF8Rp7tJ-wnVhde-1QbMKjnUEHnJxvcSnBOBhRKX9SuAa7hE7k7qog4hwMt_iRnogtL2yQt89qwjEFVcPXEuQIH/s400/9.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>I care enough to actually own the books and be familiar with the characters.</i></span></td></tr>
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Will he ever make a valid point? I guess he'd have to at some point, right? See, look, here he is talking about how icky the incest thing between Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver was in the Ultimates books. I mean, sure, it's only mostly implied and there are far more blatantly terrible things in the books like racism, sexism, jingoism, cannibalism, rape, abuse...but implied incest, that's the thing to focus on. It's not like it hasn't been talked about for years or been one of the major talking points in regards to why The Ultimates is a book that turns off a lot of folks. Keep beating that dead horse, Joshua. I'm sure it has one turd left in it.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxih8AaRBL_kDMZC_M1GMy9tGhLwN1J2a3-CQPksOMKCz9GQ6fIREc4nOPJXRd8dv2TYQSbL1vt7Rdq1OJOMBHQmYUpRJ9HUHlQ6w3IW8M0eNN-_CCUa5gSzRetvsb2ELg6xwM4FXNgozp/s1600/10.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="440" data-original-width="1146" height="152" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxih8AaRBL_kDMZC_M1GMy9tGhLwN1J2a3-CQPksOMKCz9GQ6fIREc4nOPJXRd8dv2TYQSbL1vt7Rdq1OJOMBHQmYUpRJ9HUHlQ6w3IW8M0eNN-_CCUa5gSzRetvsb2ELg6xwM4FXNgozp/s400/10.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>If you couldn't tell, I think The Ultimates was overall shit, like most of Mark Millar's work.</i></span></td></tr>
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Next he attacks another character for offering diversity, meaning he's now repeating himself in the worst way and building a case against himself not being a racist piece of shit. I'm sorry, but if your only real critique is that a character offers diversity in an overall un-diverse market, you need to stop and reevaluate your argument. He tries to play it off, saying he's only got umbrage with the way Anya Corazon (Arana or Spider-Girl, depending on the point in time) was marketed. Personally, I'll take them pushing a big marketing campaign for a new character offering diversity over them pushing a big campaign of turning beloved heroes into Nazis. But he doesn't ever talk about that. He'd rather talk about "stunts" that involve positive things like representation rather than highlighting ones that are actually dangerous.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieOU_KspAZ2-34LVJrx1EqGnrCQu6CNn0bh0DemCiO9XMzfxvh6sJekkds0yZmhk7PzUbuSwKVFGk2KW6fdHT8a-IQYHzstHxnJvS1JTbWciH7WBz5bM_j-FiuVvmkEVDRPbsqy511HvJA/s1600/11.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="337" data-original-width="596" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieOU_KspAZ2-34LVJrx1EqGnrCQu6CNn0bh0DemCiO9XMzfxvh6sJekkds0yZmhk7PzUbuSwKVFGk2KW6fdHT8a-IQYHzstHxnJvS1JTbWciH7WBz5bM_j-FiuVvmkEVDRPbsqy511HvJA/s400/11.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>I'd rather highlight how much I miss her old look. I like functional/practical superhero outfits.</i></span></td></tr>
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What's next? Oh no...he wants to talk about another obscure character that represents diversity. Good fucking lord, this is honestly giving me a headache now. DC has had numerous Native American heroes with spiritual powers & Joshua cherry picked the most obscure one. Also the least offensive one too. Good job, dude. You've saddled up on that shit-horse and damned if you aren't going to ride it straight to Hell. Night Eagle, a character I have very little memory of, was a Native American woman who dressed up and fought crime with owls. Eagles probably would've made more sense, but there you go. Guessing they designed her look with the owl motif first then realized they already had a character named Nite Owl. Two, actually. now, yes, the idea of a Native American character being a spiritual practitioner is overdone. It can be done in a very offensive manner too and has been. This...isn't particularly offensive at all. She's a minor character who has literally only appeared in two issues before disappearing. But I guess lots of people will Google her now. Overall, she's no more problematic than any spiritual Native American character.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnrniYdMEfJakm_XNZXi-Ex2twOJYf5UA3h_M6L8Tn1v-OE1RXkfCB3TEu6n4mXm45p_2wP54ph6tmR2MAyV5iTsjx-6Zr3J0oQ2YiXk6IIFTP-i34gTOJaD1KP7u1S5cNK4Sj_2q2lwB-/s1600/12.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="478" data-original-width="957" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnrniYdMEfJakm_XNZXi-Ex2twOJYf5UA3h_M6L8Tn1v-OE1RXkfCB3TEu6n4mXm45p_2wP54ph6tmR2MAyV5iTsjx-6Zr3J0oQ2YiXk6IIFTP-i34gTOJaD1KP7u1S5cNK4Sj_2q2lwB-/s400/12.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Finding pictures of her is more problematic, because my search brought up more offensive Native American heroes.</i></span></td></tr>
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Next we have Agamemno...hold on, I have to sigh loudly...alright. His gripe is that...he's basically the son of God. Agamemno is like a weird evil space Jesus with a beehive and that ridiculous sentence should illustrate just how nonsense this is. DC Comics literally published a critically acclaimed comic about God ;leaving Heaven, abandoning humanity, and being tracked down by a former preacher who has godlike powers. It has a TV show now. Spoilers: it portrays God as a dickhead. Agamemno is tame. Not only that, he's a forgettable space villain that I had honestly forgotten about. And bringing up the fact that it might upset Conservatives after previously attacking a comic for being political makes me have whiplash. It's a silly looking alien villain fro ma superhero book. If they get upset about Agamemno, clearly they're idiots who should be ignored.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYdZm1NsAWdVZhhQG3v-TUnvMwVfFfix1rpYTSztiDMVTl-VGSlt1U7pOxhNlKt8cx1uH1XC7BUT3qS5HHOzBlEWmRuZTGKw1_WFUpFhfGzroT1hyphenhyphenYZvPL43B7Edxvyf_ivJ8PX27JNbpd/s1600/13.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="418" data-original-width="863" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYdZm1NsAWdVZhhQG3v-TUnvMwVfFfix1rpYTSztiDMVTl-VGSlt1U7pOxhNlKt8cx1uH1XC7BUT3qS5HHOzBlEWmRuZTGKw1_WFUpFhfGzroT1hyphenhyphenYZvPL43B7Edxvyf_ivJ8PX27JNbpd/s400/13.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Truly, of all the things in comics, this is what would upset Republicans the most.</i></span></td></tr>
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Now, here's one he almost has a point with. Nero, a member of the Sinestro Corps. Mental health is a hard thing to cope with and a hard issue to tackle. In superhero comics, many characters actually suffer from mental health issues. The yellow Sinestro Corps rings are not attracted to evil, they're attracted to those who can instill great fear. You know, people like the Scarecrow, the Joker, Batman...hmm...I'm noticing a trend here. Not to mention the fact that psychologically most villains have always suffered from similar mental illnesses that Nero has. You'd know that if you read literally any Batman comic. I suffer from mental issues and let me tell you, people do find you scary when they learn about them. Mental health scares people. It always has, because it's not something easily fixed and can cause people to do horrible things. You want to get mad about a mentally ill character, Mr. Olivieri? You better stop pretending Nero is they first example of one then, because he's not.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeOH60L_V4VGx8y-FDnZ8KbSVC7HSyiz1zIOYdGGtF62ZqmjMzw5mim8irJuig0FSi2I8IcvtYz-DoGD0lYL-OrzqdJSryQCHH3EeuwbD3mAwc6DuLtTcVc3lVI4LZeHZKe27-QHyfUycu/s1600/14.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="467" data-original-width="893" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeOH60L_V4VGx8y-FDnZ8KbSVC7HSyiz1zIOYdGGtF62ZqmjMzw5mim8irJuig0FSi2I8IcvtYz-DoGD0lYL-OrzqdJSryQCHH3EeuwbD3mAwc6DuLtTcVc3lVI4LZeHZKe27-QHyfUycu/s400/14.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Maybe Joshua just thinks it's only offensive when gingers are portrayed as mentally ill villains?</i></span></td></tr>
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Now, let's not even bother with preamble here. How does Menace being affected by a formula that has literally driven everyone exposed to it mad and attacking her father translate to being racist? Really, this is the leap in logic he makes. She's a black woman who becomes a villain so it's racist, I guess? That literally makes zero sense. There are no racial connotations involved in her turning bad. She literally becomes a villain due to exposure to the Goblin formula and that's pretty much it. Olivieri, you're reaching for a ladder rung to a ladder that isn't even close to where you're trying to climb.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG88d9Zq1AkG7QI2A2-XCqpNKueuAQ28XLA1fgxDvmiWpPX08LRz07dSqkPdYWzBzTYF5IhYyQYSoRXHsIotGquJuMqlDzM9ibNefEZnlTpoGgNKQo3bscXGxoJWVIQ7aVrpGHra7LUqUe/s1600/15.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="496" data-original-width="1051" height="188" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjG88d9Zq1AkG7QI2A2-XCqpNKueuAQ28XLA1fgxDvmiWpPX08LRz07dSqkPdYWzBzTYF5IhYyQYSoRXHsIotGquJuMqlDzM9ibNefEZnlTpoGgNKQo3bscXGxoJWVIQ7aVrpGHra7LUqUe/s400/15.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Maybe he meant she's racist against people in spider-themed costumes?</i></span></td></tr>
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<br />
Back on the obscure train, he literally says nothing of value about why the character doesn't work in a modern setting or for modern audiences. All he does is talk about how disturbing he finds the character to be. Yes, it's awful when a normal person gets turned into a villainous monster. It's also something that has been done hundreds of times in books, films, and comics before Equus existed. It's not offensive except on a moral level, which is sort of the point. He's supposed to be monstrous. He's that kind of character. This has gone from vague attempts to justify what is supposedly unacceptable to just the writer talking about how a villain skeeves him out. Ugh. Let's finish this.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWs7dje7vehNlwxrovAwJs2NOVTvooxXINtKSv_psD20pLiGYeD3VJHurmleTIgecg3mprI0FW9-QGVmra5BlzftjmGlV8oFw12yPaiK9T4GcdL_ZCvVrSfGY8ug5AJGGj6zZz1bmCDFci/s1600/16.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="379" data-original-width="756" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWs7dje7vehNlwxrovAwJs2NOVTvooxXINtKSv_psD20pLiGYeD3VJHurmleTIgecg3mprI0FW9-QGVmra5BlzftjmGlV8oFw12yPaiK9T4GcdL_ZCvVrSfGY8ug5AJGGj6zZz1bmCDFci/s400/16.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>After I am done, I'll probably go toss Equus at Olivieri. They can work out their issues.</i></span></td></tr>
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Now, I won't say I know everything. there's tons of things I still need to learn in life. Life is an ongoing learning experience. But, I've looked and I can't find anywhere where it's said that "peek-a-boo" has racial significance. It's a fucking children's game that is used for occasional quips or analogies. In the case of DC Comics Lashawn Baez, it's her costumed moniker for similar reasons. She teleports, thus the "peek-a-boo" reference makes since. Joshua thinks she is a racist allegory...I don't know why he thinks that, because I've seen literally no evidence to back that up, but he seems to think that. She's a villain, sure. Lots of black characters are villains in comics. They're heroes too. She's also written as a sympathetic villain who had originally wanted to be a hero. What's racist about that? A young person with powers turning to crime is racist now?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNLETYYGcHTcwuV0SDxfmmfE6hRKUc75JGwWVr9nY8ENVuGPm0jjnwBKJI8sKLHix_vMzxuaaotTL0oCMF0S64wqRBtc5nlBH124trw_qQgafeUorin-6QUYFSZTctLpHe_jkiFJZu4pTv/s1600/17.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="448" data-original-width="874" height="205" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNLETYYGcHTcwuV0SDxfmmfE6hRKUc75JGwWVr9nY8ENVuGPm0jjnwBKJI8sKLHix_vMzxuaaotTL0oCMF0S64wqRBtc5nlBH124trw_qQgafeUorin-6QUYFSZTctLpHe_jkiFJZu4pTv/s400/17.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Not really, but I am definitely feeling racism coming off someone.</i></span></td></tr>
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It's because she's black, yes? Except no, because her turn to crime has nothing at all to do with her background or upbringing. She's a freaking Medical school graduate student, for fuck's sake. This has gone beyond reaching and has now just turned stupid. This whole article about supposedly unacceptable comic characters is stupid. Joshua Olivieri writes shitty clickbait articles and, because I was in a mood, decided to dissect one of the stupider ones. I write because I feel passionate about certain things. Movies, comics, games, cartoons, sexism, racism, representation, these are all things I feel are worth talking about. But a writer should not write about something if they aren't willing to put in effort. Olivieri put in almost no effort. He wrote a badly researched list of obscure characters that didn't make logical sense and didn't even stick to the theme. I just felt like calling him out for being lazy, because I can. Probably also because I needed something to get anger out after the Horrorfest purge. In closing, don't read CBR list articles. They're terribly written dreck that aren't properly researched. Now I need to get out of this damn chair. Later days, bleeders.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbC9jvsH6QeL4RXZP9QugNSgdygFg9q2H-BgxlnguzVuuRl_uuknoauf79zKGnEyFSqnfPmLhcQ5kYamTZkG46ut_pqJqEV-jzVxwOjIlc0UnI7g9eVvUmv7wPnB7SYttMffeMKS33WK4i/s1600/18.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="464" data-original-width="916" height="202" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbC9jvsH6QeL4RXZP9QugNSgdygFg9q2H-BgxlnguzVuuRl_uuknoauf79zKGnEyFSqnfPmLhcQ5kYamTZkG46ut_pqJqEV-jzVxwOjIlc0UnI7g9eVvUmv7wPnB7SYttMffeMKS33WK4i/s400/18.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Writing an article in one sitting is a terrible idea.</i></span></td></tr>
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<br />Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-56397357250089675072017-10-03T18:36:00.002-07:002018-02-01T10:51:51.454-08:00Phantom of the Mall: Eric's Revenge (1989)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_fA0P9QKuHAwbtNnXRG8NNnnVsjfqchyFZnAVvS1AOKU0Lgk8q6kQt9pu7BKqHalZ_5N-af23t7U1XbYhIX0lpoCzeS-XoWF6nDKIJuVITaX_1cZUprJBl4rGwYdZQUTDgvbDFB3lh0G2/s1600/potmer.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="577" data-original-width="812" height="283" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_fA0P9QKuHAwbtNnXRG8NNnnVsjfqchyFZnAVvS1AOKU0Lgk8q6kQt9pu7BKqHalZ_5N-af23t7U1XbYhIX0lpoCzeS-XoWF6nDKIJuVITaX_1cZUprJBl4rGwYdZQUTDgvbDFB3lh0G2/s400/potmer.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Yes, this is a real thing that I didn't just create out of thin air.</i></span></td></tr>
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Welcome to Horrorfest 2017! And, wow, I only got one voter over on Patreon. Not that I blame anyone, because we've had a large number of disasters lobbed at us one after another, so I don't think giving money to the dude who rambles about things is a major priority. My sole supporter got their way though, so groovy for them, yes? That's why we're going to talk about a very obscure horror film today. A horror film that stars...Pauly Shore.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid17OhwOHVGVL8NzJkoJsQ4HO9PmVI9yoHbR_fbm6hQ6Fxk9o6QAvBlt8orxvPyukx26r_whoHetY4u7QyU4sKJB5Rx9y2iqgXMhxboAe5fao_ZvTrcyR36sN2gKVm6Sa4E_TArlI0wIHJ/s1600/1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="459" data-original-width="684" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEid17OhwOHVGVL8NzJkoJsQ4HO9PmVI9yoHbR_fbm6hQ6Fxk9o6QAvBlt8orxvPyukx26r_whoHetY4u7QyU4sKJB5Rx9y2iqgXMhxboAe5fao_ZvTrcyR36sN2gKVm6Sa4E_TArlI0wIHJ/s400/1.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"I'm here to haunt your nightmares, buhhhhhhhhhhddy."</i></span></td></tr>
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<a name='more'></a>Yes, as startling as it may be to consider, Shore was indeed one of the leads in a slasher film from the 1980s. In a lot of ways, he's actually the real hero of the film. Marinate on that for a hot minute. Pauly Shore, saving the day from a crazed killer. All while putting gelatin body parts in yogurt as a flirting technique. Sometimes this job is a true gift, I tell you. So, for those unaware, the 80s was a time when malls were still a big deal. They had this powerful appeal that drew people to them, not just physically but also mentally. Setting a slasher film in one isn't a hard sell. But a slasher film that's also sort of (but not really) a take on the Phantom of the Opera set in a mall? That's a weird concept. Not the weirdest take on the Phantom though.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj6rwbuiZONE-DS4G6WjBLlD6buxmUBS52xg_q9SZlyiTgZO5qSHlbbyQ4NpqGFNhoMP4Dow5lIjsanTFfm9FD64lWhPfv_CSHQ_sSHUeyu7owHjUK1Nw71c399OITvv5UuqL9_uzwf-KE/s1600/2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="563" data-original-width="1035" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj6rwbuiZONE-DS4G6WjBLlD6buxmUBS52xg_q9SZlyiTgZO5qSHlbbyQ4NpqGFNhoMP4Dow5lIjsanTFfm9FD64lWhPfv_CSHQ_sSHUeyu7owHjUK1Nw71c399OITvv5UuqL9_uzwf-KE/s400/2.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>That title probably either goes to Birdman here or Robert Englund's turn where he basically played Freddy again.</i></span></td></tr>
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Basically what you need to know is that this is the story of how a young man named Eric dies horribly in a fire and then a mall is built over where his house was. Only he didn't die, which is something spoiled very early on because it's in the damn title. Now he lives under the mall wearing a mask made from a mannequin face, planning his revenge while also being a vigilante. Yeah, it's a weird thing to note that throughout the majority of the film our titular slasher is actually not doing anything to terrorize our leads. Instead he's taking out rapists and murderers with a crossbow, lasso, and kickboxing techniques.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgbTDsrO7wQCQKmLCWhrg_fDHR-g7vLbWpMYzgrWTwJzGdrvR3Lj-W6kHMr86m402S95Ed1sA8MMZSNtY5uhVlfeO9btkENyc_IyAFQF0tLa1okLfLefSzwzh5v-vNxrdQbcVX4_CuTlaw/s1600/3.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="228" data-original-width="363" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgbTDsrO7wQCQKmLCWhrg_fDHR-g7vLbWpMYzgrWTwJzGdrvR3Lj-W6kHMr86m402S95Ed1sA8MMZSNtY5uhVlfeO9btkENyc_IyAFQF0tLa1okLfLefSzwzh5v-vNxrdQbcVX4_CuTlaw/s400/3.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>All he needs now is his own show on the CW.</i></span></td></tr>
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Of course he does make that turn eventually, but it's kind of done in a bad way. You see, the basic plot relies a lot on our lead, Melody, and her feelings of love towards Eric. She has regrets about him dying while saving her and they clearly were very in love, which she illustrates throughout the film. But then we have Peter, the young reporter who is into her. Now, first of all, I'm fairly certain that Melody is supposed to be underage. Peter, who is a reporter, is not. Ewwwww. Second, dude has like no personality at all. Maybe they hired Shore just to make up for the lack of personality? Anyway, Eric reveals himself to Melody and her response to him is essentially "sorry you got horribly burned but I'm suddenly hot for this guy I've known for 2 days".<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFwn6-9xEMshB6RBdciz91aYk1SABiv5UuTx_4ADCy4JnzoriqyfPOng-Ut-6xube_RC2uJQUAgLsjFV0y3kO0-TXPbNDPxfdjivahtUkku2mvYbr2sGEKrlOKR_1-huNO4aa04qAuoRsG/s1600/4.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="454" data-original-width="671" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFwn6-9xEMshB6RBdciz91aYk1SABiv5UuTx_4ADCy4JnzoriqyfPOng-Ut-6xube_RC2uJQUAgLsjFV0y3kO0-TXPbNDPxfdjivahtUkku2mvYbr2sGEKrlOKR_1-huNO4aa04qAuoRsG/s400/4.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>She just really had to burn him again, didn't she?</i></span></td></tr>
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It feels a bit jarring is what I'm saying and it leaves me disliking our lead because she feels shallow. Instead of telling Eric she loves him, comforting him, and encouraging him to return to the world she rather abruptly rejects his affection after mooning over him through the whole film. Why? Probably because he disfigured now, so yeah, she seems like a shallow bitch. I don't usually put down female characters but wow, this felt especially shitty and bitch is the only word I can think of. Alright, well, some others words come to mind but I try not to be too awful. Eric takes it about as well as you'd expect: he plans to blow up the mall. Which leads me to our real hero. Not Melody or Peter, no. There is only one person who can save the day.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifUPbPPAOlOoYCnjaIIlYY3tNXgCLba3bImReD8ptv4JhXP91j3-3cmzV1K2pKCzayUlMCyl1LVtw4xIjZAiW0meWWcTKqnTOlIJ0bbqPmms_nKvpCrpLuK2HS0MU5RI5fMKpj4sY1R9_i/s1600/5.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="576" data-original-width="917" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifUPbPPAOlOoYCnjaIIlYY3tNXgCLba3bImReD8ptv4JhXP91j3-3cmzV1K2pKCzayUlMCyl1LVtw4xIjZAiW0meWWcTKqnTOlIJ0bbqPmms_nKvpCrpLuK2HS0MU5RI5fMKpj4sY1R9_i/s400/5.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"I'm gonna drive this straight up a tree because I'm a squirrel looking for some grindage."</i></span></td></tr>
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Yes, Pauly Shore really does save the day here. He's the one who keeps coming up with ideas, he evacuates the mall after the bomb is set, and he saves his friends on a motorcycle that he drives out of an exploding mall. No joke, these are things that happen. He even gets the girl. Not Melody but rather he gets with her best friend who he flirts with throughout the film. If this movie accomplished anything, it's that it made me see that Shore actually can be one of the best actors in something and can even be the most likable character. Now i didn't talk about our actual villains but there's not much to say. They're all greedy assholes who burned Eric's place for cliche villain goals. They're as stock as they come. And they all die at Eric's hands, so there you go.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHyvTD97ETW8d_FiydMchZvI6pZncPLlTFpqgoT_CReQZwrH9o5dckGu_-Gm_oL0LJBccPQ5TcP81JZmWDp_wgGn_2YMfc7Yeb7H3iFG6tUOHDfUzFv92FZycAponE0IguwJEkxtf41suZ/s1600/6.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="632" data-original-width="1131" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHyvTD97ETW8d_FiydMchZvI6pZncPLlTFpqgoT_CReQZwrH9o5dckGu_-Gm_oL0LJBccPQ5TcP81JZmWDp_wgGn_2YMfc7Yeb7H3iFG6tUOHDfUzFv92FZycAponE0IguwJEkxtf41suZ/s400/6.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Surprise, Morgan Fairchild played a villain. In other news, Steven Seagal likes to eat a lot.</i></span></td></tr>
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I was also going to talk about how bloodless this movie was...but then I realized I'd watched a really bad cut of it where all of the gore had been cut out. So, a second viewing later and there we go, much better. Nothing special, but much better. Ultimately, while the movie isn't really anything special when compared to other slasher films, it's worth watching just so you can say to people "I saw a slasher movie where Pauly Shore saved the day" so you can see them look back at you with confusion. And in a marathon of his films, it'll probably be his least annoying performance. Make of that what you will. Later days, bleeders.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNml-qZtY7EKKvtyPLUU1th7tmNZanktC-GmxhO1piCwqfzOJSx0SuufkClbk1m-OpRJKlVNqYGvd7XOZeZHQtSRkJwSjYPezOmO0jyW9zZvFg68n8afPvT-Euw34Ir9PwbvVKbClCs_Fu/s1600/7.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="594" data-original-width="901" height="262" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNml-qZtY7EKKvtyPLUU1th7tmNZanktC-GmxhO1piCwqfzOJSx0SuufkClbk1m-OpRJKlVNqYGvd7XOZeZHQtSRkJwSjYPezOmO0jyW9zZvFg68n8afPvT-Euw34Ir9PwbvVKbClCs_Fu/s400/7.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Oh yeah, Ken Foree was in here too. Not sure why, but he was there.</i></span></td></tr>
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<br />Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-45051513212648355002017-09-21T02:29:00.002-07:002018-01-03T02:29:20.153-08:00ITSo, I survived another hurricane, endured smelling like shit while sharing a house with insufferable people, and I somehow managed to get less hate mail for liking an adaptation of something that got me death threats when I shared my opinion on it with the director. Guess it's time to talk about that movie I was supposed to see on opening night but had to wait on because...well...a hurricane happened. And hey, it has divided opinions towards it from fickle fans! How new and different.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuDlo_sE8YclvTeNvWlfOM0yp46GieQrZodeKgYoz4Z8Y7qW9jHFiuw_0IQEztiu7kUpDd69B8QmD2_jOadCR9KcPpRSfDlHpNusxPuPdGc0pCJVfbC2dsxa50pEdK8sP2eaBZOfs1oow-/s1600/qc27.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="538" data-original-width="849" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuDlo_sE8YclvTeNvWlfOM0yp46GieQrZodeKgYoz4Z8Y7qW9jHFiuw_0IQEztiu7kUpDd69B8QmD2_jOadCR9KcPpRSfDlHpNusxPuPdGc0pCJVfbC2dsxa50pEdK8sP2eaBZOfs1oow-/s400/qc27.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><a href="https://youtu.be/h-NKpr--7cg">Click here to see if I'll float or if I'm just bloated from eating those onions.</a></i></td></tr>
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<br />Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-29609043554789721032017-08-27T04:16:00.002-07:002018-02-01T10:53:32.304-08:00Death Note (2017)<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTIHj-N0D_aTXzOSUWY1ypC93GmvbyzFbIhSNd81Pi7jmXCfCXcGyWX6ge7Kfw0OAnfoh2i3YyMReMCMDwoBW9GkPwUgUw23GbuMzRkX1b8aMfJG9vl6ZamzgEUaXPYKZzp-_SPJBtt1Lw/s1600/deathnote.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="499" data-original-width="743" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTIHj-N0D_aTXzOSUWY1ypC93GmvbyzFbIhSNd81Pi7jmXCfCXcGyWX6ge7Kfw0OAnfoh2i3YyMReMCMDwoBW9GkPwUgUw23GbuMzRkX1b8aMfJG9vl6ZamzgEUaXPYKZzp-_SPJBtt1Lw/s400/deathnote.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Because we really needed to talk about this movie three times, because the internet shat itself that hard over it existing.</i></span></td></tr>
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Yep, I'm giving it a written review. Why? Partially because some folks legitimately wanted me to do one, because surprisingly some people do still read. I know, I was pretty shocked too. The other reason though? Because in the last 24 or so hours I got swept away in a wave of hatred from some rather extremely immature anime fans because I dared to tell director Adam Wingard that I enjoyed his adaptation. The hate wave has reached critical mass, because I woke up to not only a tweet telling me I should die but also multiple messages reinforcing that same desire. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKNJlQyvw4Y2-IUdYZE6Y4P3XoxD5XZevzJ2Zedb13_FovHhLfMrbn8Oq0ZpdwJMy5LybDeR8ZdmyWe0NRkuv_jFVj1_DVO48AKvCSnzR3f3aAjpp8xb3hnAjDKeRo8TZO26vmn0xUOOHX/s1600/1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="650" data-original-width="1161" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKNJlQyvw4Y2-IUdYZE6Y4P3XoxD5XZevzJ2Zedb13_FovHhLfMrbn8Oq0ZpdwJMy5LybDeR8ZdmyWe0NRkuv_jFVj1_DVO48AKvCSnzR3f3aAjpp8xb3hnAjDKeRo8TZO26vmn0xUOOHX/s400/1.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Good thing they don't have a magical death book, I suppose.</i></span></td></tr>
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<a name='more'></a>Not to mention that they wish me dead while also complaining about how "edgy" this film is trying to be, making it all a sort of irony Ouroboros. Now, I'll be talking about what I like about the film first, then talk about the issues it has, and finally I'll dive back into the mire of yesterday to finish it all off. You dig? Jawsome. So, for a brief synopsis, Death Note is an adaptation of a popular Japanese comics series that got an anime and three Japanese live-action films, meaning it's like the fifth adaptation at this point. It's about a teenager named Light who finds a book almost literally dropped into his lap that has the power to kill whomever has their name written in it. It belongs to a demonic being named Ryuk who basically orchestrated this all out of boredom.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoXUr1gA8UH9KPUgAzwKO_CwJWQRlxIoU1MLoxdcJHO-fVAPsBU5GggCLaDKBJ-bI9BRI2f5Rj6zyjyuGGTsFXLNmMcg8FL3kyEg4vi5fxRFOAEK3c0dlZkwmG_x-Eaj86-TY6y-i6m6TM/s1600/2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="519" data-original-width="888" height="233" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoXUr1gA8UH9KPUgAzwKO_CwJWQRlxIoU1MLoxdcJHO-fVAPsBU5GggCLaDKBJ-bI9BRI2f5Rj6zyjyuGGTsFXLNmMcg8FL3kyEg4vi5fxRFOAEK3c0dlZkwmG_x-Eaj86-TY6y-i6m6TM/s400/2.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Personally, I think he just wanted to have a sleepover.</i></span></td></tr>
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Light decides to use to book to kill bad people in the world, because he believes that it's justice. Along the way, he gains a partner in crime in form of popular cheerleader Mia, who he shares the secret with. But as he adopts a persona to take credit for protecting the world from what he sees as evil people, the authorities begin an investigation to stop him, led by the enigmatic private investigator known as L. It's very much both a morality tale while also being a cat & mouse story as two sides both see themselves as in the right. It also has a complicated wrinkle in the form of Light's father, who is a part of the investigation team trying to take him down. It's a very complex story, even in this shortened form, and it has a lot of places it can go. Some of the ways it does go are not for everyone, ranging from too intense to too silly.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpg1GMKrA0gjS1fWMWFub_bkpz2GyYWVrN9YbfqcofFbuxVYDvFS4pnWF044EEVhHTCnGKlkncnvb17otc2liVJMvkn_ITMx9G9iwVCmq_a33btp31_culGlNZEvKFhLyEUF75r7bW0R1-/s1600/3.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="621" data-original-width="948" height="261" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpg1GMKrA0gjS1fWMWFub_bkpz2GyYWVrN9YbfqcofFbuxVYDvFS4pnWF044EEVhHTCnGKlkncnvb17otc2liVJMvkn_ITMx9G9iwVCmq_a33btp31_culGlNZEvKFhLyEUF75r7bW0R1-/s400/3.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>For example, the source material came down on the fetishy side in a lot of ways.</i></span></td></tr>
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Regarding Wingard's version, I really enjoyed the perspective shift it offered from the original setting. In the classic version Light was a dickhead, no getting around it. He did things purely for himself at all times, claiming he had altruistic goals. He killed innocent people to protect himself, had a severe god complex, and felt like a direct reflection of Japanese society's idealized dominant young male. In this new version he feels less like a character and more like an actual teenager. He's smart, like the original, but isn't popular or thought of highly as result of it, because American society tends to tread on brilliance. He tries not to stand out because he knows what happens when you do.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXR_rTA31L_dA1r6WRsWL90PabOFfN6toIiPagLiKXFj1srPUEKVYXhMkX4UraU0fhSf3-1ECduL8L-GMisevqlLH12s4DOw9cJi7kA74tpE6tpePAxGPhoSiGYN39VN7Ej0igA1rsxHAj/s1600/4.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="517" data-original-width="954" height="216" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXR_rTA31L_dA1r6WRsWL90PabOFfN6toIiPagLiKXFj1srPUEKVYXhMkX4UraU0fhSf3-1ECduL8L-GMisevqlLH12s4DOw9cJi7kA74tpE6tpePAxGPhoSiGYN39VN7Ej0igA1rsxHAj/s400/4.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>You get knocked out by fucking bullies for trying to help another kid.</i></span></td></tr>
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Like many young people today, he looks around him and sees bad people constantly getting away with things. He gets knocked out and punished (because he was doing other people's homework) but the bully walks, dictators torture and murder people, rapists and child molesters get to walk among us while their victims carry the scars forever, and racists are wandering around unafraid to share their hate fueled views with us while waving symbols that incite violence. Understandably, like many of us, Light has had enough of sitting and feeling powerless. Now he has this book and he can do something about it. It's a compelling thought, regardless of the version, but it feels very timely that this comes out at a time when we're all more frustrated about society's injustices than we have been in a long time.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-X95IUqNk6_JW2NGUyMkKcpw6U40ezf32lH1yQNoU4N2K42Kw3r4X5rTp-V70QTq62NcgSiAanyldU89NCOKk_WKsUe3ZovIlQKzvF3tcL8_tsIR3hyJRTcesdMhKzSDuxRsqSxLJAhnA/s1600/5.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="535" data-original-width="883" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-X95IUqNk6_JW2NGUyMkKcpw6U40ezf32lH1yQNoU4N2K42Kw3r4X5rTp-V70QTq62NcgSiAanyldU89NCOKk_WKsUe3ZovIlQKzvF3tcL8_tsIR3hyJRTcesdMhKzSDuxRsqSxLJAhnA/s400/5.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Which makes it more than a bit ironic that a black man has come to stop him.</i></span></td></tr>
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Now, intentional or not, the casting of L as a black man has an impact. He's part of a people who constantly are tread upon for simply being a certain colour, yet he defends the system that perpetuates these problems and takes an adversarial stance against Kira (Light's alter ego), a person who is trying to do something about those injustices. My major complaint for the movie would honestly be that I wanted to see more of L, because Lakeith Stanfield is an excellent actor who truly does feel calmly menacing as the masked investigator. If there is a sequel to this, I genuinely hope he gets far more scenes. Speaking of scene stealers, let's talk about many people's favourite part of the film, Ryuk.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3KgYvQPQEoRV1XWez4x2ohyphenhyphen1bov1afIAhBAlZKWuK99qETthudX8BgzJYDul5-YaaUFlDkoH3FEl6zwsZYq4dZShPjL5wKBOfRWaR4FOP26ROTGm6-hHgQyoDJwH-VZOro_Yt7WAwBBno/s1600/6.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="516" data-original-width="809" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3KgYvQPQEoRV1XWez4x2ohyphenhyphen1bov1afIAhBAlZKWuK99qETthudX8BgzJYDul5-YaaUFlDkoH3FEl6zwsZYq4dZShPjL5wKBOfRWaR4FOP26ROTGm6-hHgQyoDJwH-VZOro_Yt7WAwBBno/s400/6.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"Hey, I know that guy!"</i></span></td></tr>
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Even with the large amount of hate the film is garnering, Willem Dafoe as Ryuk is still being lauded as the best part of the film, and while I don't entirely agree that he's the best part, he's definitely a huge plus. Dafoe plays the role well, channeling that creepy tone perfectly and feeling like he truly is this demonic creature that just enjoys seeing the human characters playing their little games of intrigue. The entire cast gives great performances, but his is beyond memorable. The CGI used for Ryuk is also some of the better I've seen recently, serving as a reminder that CGI can be done well.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp7DH-Z6cF-t5r4Y761Ye8-_8yoA2kN72oH7qdVksRRkr4msF2oaKiSKV0WSMnpDd0FDBvrGGCaXL6zyxtqycU6Z2opkbq0mhcC34I09W3eQtHgmAz2558VquPA01QSe7uKHLU4Yv4NSnY/s1600/7.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="525" data-original-width="1000" height="210" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp7DH-Z6cF-t5r4Y761Ye8-_8yoA2kN72oH7qdVksRRkr4msF2oaKiSKV0WSMnpDd0FDBvrGGCaXL6zyxtqycU6Z2opkbq0mhcC34I09W3eQtHgmAz2558VquPA01QSe7uKHLU4Yv4NSnY/s400/7.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>And that shadows can always be used to great effect.</i></span></td></tr>
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The major thing that I do really like about this film is that it isn't a carbon copy of the source material. It's easy for fans to demand a complete adherence to the source, but that never factors in how predictable everything can become as a result. I have seen this story multiple times now, written, animated, and acted out in front of a camera. Seeing the same thing again doesn't really appeal to me. I had that fanboy voice in my head screaming at me once too, demanding that things be completely like the source. It led me away from The Walking Dead show for a while, because it detracts so far from the comics. But I got over it. I learned to judge the work on its own merits, not on what it could be or what some irritating voice in my subconscious thinks it should be. Wingard's film delivers a new experience using familiar ideas and concepts, and it was an entertaining experience. And that music, oh man, that soundtrack is just aces from top to bottom. Love me some synth.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHpv_z7h0FuENX7MmbSTQC_K2MEL7BwfFRx_omx73MttvA7qPMUHK3RnqLutC1aCii4JLwqsFO7gf460-a9MMoXKG0q1FlmVEgiCfelPO37qfaM5nUdDSpjecoo0-pryt9D2G5tHM2Dn35/s1600/8.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="542" data-original-width="953" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHpv_z7h0FuENX7MmbSTQC_K2MEL7BwfFRx_omx73MttvA7qPMUHK3RnqLutC1aCii4JLwqsFO7gf460-a9MMoXKG0q1FlmVEgiCfelPO37qfaM5nUdDSpjecoo0-pryt9D2G5tHM2Dn35/s400/8.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Neon coloured lighting too. I also love that. Neon anything, really. Someone come cover me in neon.</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Now, while I did really enjoy this film, it wasn't perfect. The length, for example, truncates quite a bit of the story. It works on one level, as it does trim down quite a bit of filler that the source material had, but it also can make the experience feel a bit rushed at times. And sure, on some level it does bother me a bit that Light is a white kid. Do I think he had to be Asian? Hell no. He could've been black, hispanic, or even Native American and it would've still worked. I don't think him being white is really bad or anything, because the skin tone isn't important one way or the other, but it's something that sticks out to that inner fanboy in me. As far as gripes go, that's about it. I already talked about wanting more L, so yeah. I guess we should get to the final bits here but if I can backtrack a bit, I want to talk about our female lead.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD2_rC1sC6WXRtr-zvXXCPRy_avR9jxWEoBRPUSCGLQLjn8W1ish1r6Jzn5l3VFHnvtd5tuTkqFmhaPVgjM-lpqdIx5deTts4pD0zFS5jSJoEHzhJWRdAujkR8_P7wD8ssEPaOO2LxE-Rg/s1600/9.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="573" data-original-width="1013" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD2_rC1sC6WXRtr-zvXXCPRy_avR9jxWEoBRPUSCGLQLjn8W1ish1r6Jzn5l3VFHnvtd5tuTkqFmhaPVgjM-lpqdIx5deTts4pD0zFS5jSJoEHzhJWRdAujkR8_P7wD8ssEPaOO2LxE-Rg/s400/9.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Who may be the least sexualized cheerleader I've ever seen in a horror film.</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
In the original story, her name is Misa and she's a goth-loli pop idol who is hopelessly in love with and devoted to Light. Light, in turn, used her as her sees fit and generally doesn't give much of a shit about her. Because again, Light Yagami is a dickhead. In stark contrast, Light in this film is clearly into her, doing pretty much the only thing he can think of to try and impress her by showing her the Death Note. It says something about him as a character that he sees himself as unremarkable barring this book, something completely at odds with the egotist of the source material. But back to our female lead here, Mia. She, while seemingly having feelings for Light, clearly has more mental instability than he does. She expresses more joy at killing people with the book, even stealing it to kill innocents because she doesn't want to give up her own access to the power via her beau. In a lot of ways, the gender roles are starkly reversed here and Mia is the powerful one willing to make cold calculated calls for her own selfish needs.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV0F6Vj6XVRNftj8WlATRVyJK18VqnzCEheG-Dw3xejQYGsh9_Ds-sBW-P9osvLH_mvwOe9c0rVq6Z34BNhP3W0fT62LuWusjcAqx_ZO0j75plvmCNHuTwayIMBTlBf9nNehiDQcHuIwCe/s1600/10.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="523" data-original-width="846" height="246" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV0F6Vj6XVRNftj8WlATRVyJK18VqnzCEheG-Dw3xejQYGsh9_Ds-sBW-P9osvLH_mvwOe9c0rVq6Z34BNhP3W0fT62LuWusjcAqx_ZO0j75plvmCNHuTwayIMBTlBf9nNehiDQcHuIwCe/s400/10.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>All without being turned into a fetish doll for fanboys to fap to.</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Now, I love the original and I can tell you right now that the characters in it are all deeply interesting and nuanced. Each one is compelling and none of them feel boring. But I can't sit here and tell you that the original is perfect. It has a lot of problems, most of which can be traced back to the fact that Japan has a very male dominated society and it's impossible for that not to bleed into the works done there. Overall, I prefer Mia over Misa, because here our female lead doesn't feel like a victim being lead on. She has agency and a mind all her own. She's not a bubbly girl desperately in love with a cold calculating sociopath, she's a teenage girl who seems to want more out of life that just being seen as the cheerleader. She wants power and is willing to hurt people to get it, even someone she seemingly loves. It's a far more interesting arc and doesn't feel like a sexist power fantasy where she's the victim of emotional abuse or manipulation.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKVJzj6QbReEVLMl3KE1Wx4k7uJ2abjaPIWkMMKb9FPlfnln2CtP4ApZ8IzlwSPetWwHvJp58xHry1rC4agXiy_fUERUH_NM_tLybBZBKmoGJvZV4Pvj7R6Kba0vrZEswOEJrYRe43nxJs/s1600/11.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="596" data-original-width="1115" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKVJzj6QbReEVLMl3KE1Wx4k7uJ2abjaPIWkMMKb9FPlfnln2CtP4ApZ8IzlwSPetWwHvJp58xHry1rC4agXiy_fUERUH_NM_tLybBZBKmoGJvZV4Pvj7R6Kba0vrZEswOEJrYRe43nxJs/s400/11.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Once more, Light Yagami is a piece of shit. I won't let you forget that fact.</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Which brings us full circle back to the tidal wave of hate, which isn't very surprising at all. I knew as I recorded my video review that I would receive hate. The amount of hate I received over on Twitter was a bit more than I generally garner though, which just hammers home to me just how toxic geek culture has become. We've gotten to the horrible level where if something is even slightly different that geeks will rise up to try and crush anyone who disagrees. Enjoying something geeks hate makes you bad. Clearly you're paid off by the studio, have terrible taste, and should just go ahead and kill yourself. This is what happened to me yesterday and will probably keep happening as today goes on. It happens to a lot of writers just like me. Talented smart people torn down because they shared a harmless opinion. It's stupidity. Callous, hive-mind, knee-jerk stupidity from a mass of people who went into something not wanting to like it.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT6Ei6J9YL7x7A04CkKyJP747U7C-yucl9p2qQybkTA0Gclna5tfgwwc7OSCCo-N-k6HZTUondyGN-sup5OUUei1m1I6-rlbDSsy2oIfacCpHhwTWd5OiJT7aSrlxNlcE3fndw6E0wmyNw/s1600/12.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="476" data-original-width="833" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT6Ei6J9YL7x7A04CkKyJP747U7C-yucl9p2qQybkTA0Gclna5tfgwwc7OSCCo-N-k6HZTUondyGN-sup5OUUei1m1I6-rlbDSsy2oIfacCpHhwTWd5OiJT7aSrlxNlcE3fndw6E0wmyNw/s400/12.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Screaming immature ranting and blind hatred. Truly, you all make anime fans as a whole look great.</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I went into Fant4stic, one of the biggest piles of crap I have ever sat through, wanting it to be good. I held no bias against the film and judged it not just as an adaptation, but as a film. It failed as both. I don't think Death Note did. I think it was different. I think it was an imperfect adaptation that deviated from the source material. I think it reversed gender roles, played with perceptions, and ultimately left us wondering in the end. I think people attacking people on social media, telling them they should die, threatening to kill them, that's what petulant children do. I think we should all be free to have an opinion without being shit on by strangers. I think many things but mostly, I think I'm done talking about all of this. I've got a lot of things going right now and it's time to move on. Later days, bleeders.Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-47456169243545100842017-08-25T08:09:00.004-07:002017-08-25T08:09:44.723-07:00Death Note (2017)Man, a polarizing movie coming out and me reviewing it has become almost like a tradition here. Lucky me, we got two that were controversial for similar reasons this year, so I get to mention the other one during this review. No other way to do that than to just get to it though, so let's do that, yes?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXGxI37dMkIaSq7HEhOn3xXKIizVR7DofJ2BO0QTP96a4i9Vzn5jo5W4e_P-LnZ_BjGH5a3iTfzCp2_pyS0DAE2nW1rLqlBXlOZHBITxmPQFo-qfuA6w4Z3sHuKCGWSAOPkLBvLoEH53u4/s1600/qc26.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="538" data-original-width="849" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXGxI37dMkIaSq7HEhOn3xXKIizVR7DofJ2BO0QTP96a4i9Vzn5jo5W4e_P-LnZ_BjGH5a3iTfzCp2_pyS0DAE2nW1rLqlBXlOZHBITxmPQFo-qfuA6w4Z3sHuKCGWSAOPkLBvLoEH53u4/s400/qc26.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><a href="https://youtu.be/lBFTsWiBafg">Click here or Willem Dafoe will appear behind you & whisper horrible things in your earhole.</a></i></td></tr>
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<br />Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4135987863448945380.post-5001401663028330872017-08-14T16:54:00.001-07:002018-01-03T02:39:22.921-08:00Top Ten Instances of Nazis Dying in FilmAfter the recent tragedy in which <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/one-dead-as-car-strikes-crowds-amid-protests-of-white-nationalist-gathering-in-charlottesville-two-police-die-in-helicopter-crash/2017/08/13/3590b3ce-8021-11e7-902a-2a9f2d808496_story.html?utm_term=.6956592b77b5">an actual Nazi killed an innocent woman</a>, I felt so angry that I could barely function. It honestly was hard not to just go off somewhere and break things because this is where we're now at in America. Nazis are roaming the streets, feeling safe to spout their hatred, hurting people, here in the country that fought against this type of fascism in a damn war that involved most of the world. So, I sat here attempting to write a review but I couldn't. I needed something to help me work through some of this anger. Wait...Nazis get killed a lot in movies...now there's something that'd be therapeutic to talk about. Thus, here we are, counting down ten of my favourite instances of Nazis getting exactly what they deserve. Because Nazis all deserve to die.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmRHxdI3tn0Eu44_ETBNTXaV5AiYezS6SI6YrtNUO7uiMmSuPBobIhiyIbN7hb7JTliowc8ppA122qPcb9g-AwZ8FZVqWn9Zu9RT282yVZUu0KyID_XvtFGNCRkiawC1fC9IkLeV3tWiNS/s1600/1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="584" data-original-width="852" height="273" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmRHxdI3tn0Eu44_ETBNTXaV5AiYezS6SI6YrtNUO7uiMmSuPBobIhiyIbN7hb7JTliowc8ppA122qPcb9g-AwZ8FZVqWn9Zu9RT282yVZUu0KyID_XvtFGNCRkiawC1fC9IkLeV3tWiNS/s400/1.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>If that offends you, you can fuck right off.</i></span></td></tr>
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<br />
<a name='more'></a>On a final note before diving in here, I want to specify that I am using Nazis as a blanket term for all related racist hate groups. That means when I say Nazis, I mean the Nazi party, Neo-Nazis, white supremacists, the KKK, the AltRight movement, and generally any bigoted piece of dogshit that thinks hurting people who aren't pure white people is okay. So, if you see me reference a death here that doesn't happen to expressly be a member of the Nazi party, now you understand why. They're all fucking Nazis, calling them something different means pretending they're all somehow different when they really aren't. Also, expect some spoilers, because duh. Got it? Alright, let's get this going.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhna9vWFCIXC-xIApgrR58TOyavWhTz8JG20aMguZRgMDkRPIpmQjhmDA2SVe6skucTqpyQJr00XG3ZsPA-ZVSms4eo3itedP4aQVr2DQi0r0pnk7UMklWDfqvg8UQN3L6wD7DOjQXYd_mS/s1600/2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="627" data-original-width="1127" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhna9vWFCIXC-xIApgrR58TOyavWhTz8JG20aMguZRgMDkRPIpmQjhmDA2SVe6skucTqpyQJr00XG3ZsPA-ZVSms4eo3itedP4aQVr2DQi0r0pnk7UMklWDfqvg8UQN3L6wD7DOjQXYd_mS/s400/2.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>"Hello, sir. We're here to kill you with some hardcore irony."</i></span></td></tr>
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<br />
<b>Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983)</b><br />
<br />
Now, while this one doesn't technically give us a death scene I have decided to include it at my father's behest, because it does do something very interesting: it features a racist meeting his ultimate end at the hands of those he agrees with. In the segment "Time Out", William Connor is treated to a trip through time where he gets to live out attacks from other groups of bigots like Nazis and the KKK. In the end, he ends up being shipped off to a death camp to meet a horrific fate alongside the people he himself talked shit on. It's terrible but it's also very karmic in a way. The only thing that initially made me hesitant is the real life tragedy behind the scenes as the actor and two child actors died during filming in a helicopter accident. Connor may have deserved what he got, but they definitely did not.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUxQFyNYE7rw87Or2VctKdKTCd5_VBD8_MuivMbnDjCbsmsmWrkgsjJm_lDV81GkHjRTg9Ecj2qKvryJ6MiKNX6gjzcYtctpzOTmfGR0xI-j_HNZSaQjXWh_uWJVv04-HbLvkyld8REQfD/s1600/3.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="203" data-original-width="351" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUxQFyNYE7rw87Or2VctKdKTCd5_VBD8_MuivMbnDjCbsmsmWrkgsjJm_lDV81GkHjRTg9Ecj2qKvryJ6MiKNX6gjzcYtctpzOTmfGR0xI-j_HNZSaQjXWh_uWJVv04-HbLvkyld8REQfD/s400/3.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Always reuse your old gifs of Nazi dwarfs eating themselves.</i></span></td></tr>
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<br />
<b>Hard Rock Zombies (1985)</b><br />
<br />
This movie...has always left me with conflicting emotions. It's a campy 80s movie that features some really wonderful over-the-top performances, but it also features some uncomfortable things like a romance between an underage girl and the lead singer/hero. But it also feature Nazis. Not just Nazis, but it literally features Adolf Hitler, Eva Braun, and their family living in the middle of nowhere essentially acting like they're the damn Sawyer family. But the great thing about this? Well, after our heroes die and come back as the titular zombies, they murder the shit out of the Nazi family. My favourite part in particular is the two member who were killed by Eva both go to kill her themselves. Oh, and she's a werewolf. Heavy metal zombies killing a Nazi werewolf old lady. Beautiful.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLCNxuEk7eHeNau-NRNQyFQWy8xbx008HJt4GSqqw1uNTqqcXeAWDkdok0aPa_5Geg0ljoBL7wXrnzhAjXgvgJoXIMzf8kgAkV2ikCE_1zu6oyMwgHSZfXTHVQuYHpo3Wjg9nATynAjimm/s1600/4.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="306" data-original-width="720" height="170" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLCNxuEk7eHeNau-NRNQyFQWy8xbx008HJt4GSqqw1uNTqqcXeAWDkdok0aPa_5Geg0ljoBL7wXrnzhAjXgvgJoXIMzf8kgAkV2ikCE_1zu6oyMwgHSZfXTHVQuYHpo3Wjg9nATynAjimm/s400/4.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Hey, did you guys know Magneto is Jewish and was in a concentration camp as a child?</i></span></td></tr>
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<br />
<b>X-Men: First Class (2011)</b><br />
<br />
If you don't know by now, I've always been a big fan of the X-Men. That makes it especially troubling for me as a movie fan because so many of the films were extremely lackluster. The major exception though was Matthew Vaughn's First Class, which gave us an origin story for the team and featured a pretty amazing cast. Then Fox decided to kill off everything great about it gradually over the next few films in favour of Bryan Singer's same stilted vision. Ugh. But the best part? Magneto hunting Nazis. Yes, as you can see above, he tracks down some and summarily tortures and kills them. It's such a satisfying scene, especially knowing what he went through as a child.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLm4I2SZkTBqx2wnW5g0EbJqu4H1EHKfdnH_OzUEluPilXDyfUtFSd2-rYJyVlmlksvnHdf5QS0e1ZHqmlC40rr9JCS6aqKGDyJqUIeLUrLudsAC-mJlAscYHkvPRZiuH-73wl1cp92iyE/s1600/5.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="720" height="166" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLm4I2SZkTBqx2wnW5g0EbJqu4H1EHKfdnH_OzUEluPilXDyfUtFSd2-rYJyVlmlksvnHdf5QS0e1ZHqmlC40rr9JCS6aqKGDyJqUIeLUrLudsAC-mJlAscYHkvPRZiuH-73wl1cp92iyE/s400/5.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>And that's why chainsaws should always been turned off when not in use.</i></span></td></tr>
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<br />
<b>Smokin' Aces (2006)</b><br />
<br />
Look, this movie is...not great. It has an interesting premise, interesting characters, and a good visual style. What it doesn't have is good dialogue or a cohesive narrative. It's a shame too, because this movie could've been great. But what it has in spades is violence. Lots and lots of violence. For my money though, the best of it is when Sir Ivy painfully ends the life of one of the Neo-Nazi skinhead Tremor Brothers by shooting him and causing him to fall on his own chainsaw. It's brutal, bloody, and memorable as hell. The movie is worth watching for this scene alone, because that gif I whipped up doesn't do it the justice it deserves. Who doesn't love seeing a Nazi get a chainsaw to his bits?<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1ScPbbBLZoZimRhr2jOIY-nDeV1Hj0Uujrokay83r3cgIhiKBVuSKz_bvqQ6cvF4ilVDXDILKl6L2SUeSUcPvQw3NUk6KsuIOJGnFdqWyXpCSgynAyk1cyCYglIvKF0Uv_ykJO7gkXXak/s1600/6.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="186" data-original-width="350" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1ScPbbBLZoZimRhr2jOIY-nDeV1Hj0Uujrokay83r3cgIhiKBVuSKz_bvqQ6cvF4ilVDXDILKl6L2SUeSUcPvQw3NUk6KsuIOJGnFdqWyXpCSgynAyk1cyCYglIvKF0Uv_ykJO7gkXXak/s400/6.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Featuring a special appearance from the dancing corpse of Hitler!</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>Inglourious Basterds (2009)</b><br />
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Yes, welcome to the most predictable entry on the list, because of course I had to talk about this movie. It features so much beautiful violence against fascists that it's practically avant garde. Now, while you might assume the blowing away of Hitler, seen above, is my favourite scene of Nazi killing...you'd be wrong. No, my favourite scene actually happens to be Hugo Stiglitz killing Gestapo officers because he's not really keen on the whole standing by and obeying Nazis as they kill innocent people. It's very visceral as he kills them and some of the more realistic looking violence on display in the film. And hey, this won't be the only time we talk about dying Gestapo on here.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCamJCdtWpnmCBerl6HdZtdT8yBbwPY-Q9WJXdHS0bKvlzygpOwfoZz8Nm066nWxTkdRk0Q_xwGTKrMOcLId_luzWBrw0Poa-HLClXrZIrapp99UfyY51NKWDnvwhyZNVN8BZhVV2OcG8C/s1600/7.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="295" data-original-width="500" height="235" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCamJCdtWpnmCBerl6HdZtdT8yBbwPY-Q9WJXdHS0bKvlzygpOwfoZz8Nm066nWxTkdRk0Q_xwGTKrMOcLId_luzWBrw0Poa-HLClXrZIrapp99UfyY51NKWDnvwhyZNVN8BZhVV2OcG8C/s400/7.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>She's carving up that pig like Thanksgiving is coming.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS (1975)</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
I've been asked repeatedly to talk about the Ilsa films and it's no big surprise as to why. For the uninitiated, the Ilsa films are sexploitation films that generally all star Dyanne Thorne as the titular antagonist doing horrible things to people and having her tits prominently featured. The first film in the series wasn't just sexploitation though, as it was also Nazisploitation meaning you got to see a fair bit of violent acts perpetrated both by and to Nazis. The major draw, beyond the tits, though is Ilsa meeting her own end. It happens every time and it's always very satisfying, because you really do have no pity for her after seeing her doing awful things to prisoners while wearing that SS uniform. I don't want to get into too much detail, because I will talk about these in detail later, but trust me, she gets what she deserves.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH793Ae2uMh6H6g5IDnaK_cRKIIMkS0IopWNeSKt-Hd9kMFHxeTV1SwfND6Y-_z2Vbgpovmxl3WSEqd3pgODSGInwK_IOtWo40KtS0LbLdUXP5jdVFBhWexBfUH7NN4oyPU6r6gPQ00XzF/s1600/8.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="404" data-original-width="720" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH793Ae2uMh6H6g5IDnaK_cRKIIMkS0IopWNeSKt-Hd9kMFHxeTV1SwfND6Y-_z2Vbgpovmxl3WSEqd3pgODSGInwK_IOtWo40KtS0LbLdUXP5jdVFBhWexBfUH7NN4oyPU6r6gPQ00XzF/s400/8.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>That's when he realized that maybe being a Nazi wasn't the best idea.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>The Keep (1983)</b><br />
<br />
Have you ever thought to yourself, "man, I'd really love to see an ancient demon kill a castle full of Nazis"? Well, then I have a serious recommendation for you. Yes, that's exactly what you get in this often overlooked classic film that explores some interesting things, such as a German soldier who isn't a Nazi trying to make peace with still serving under the Nazi regime. But the big draw for us currently is all them dead Nazis and there are many to behold. Molasar, the aforementioned demon, goes kill crazy on the German soldiers and it ends up leaving the commanding officer alone, surrounded by the dead in a very haunting scene of their burnt out corpses laying around him. It's a legitimately good film worth checking out though and I wish it would get a Blu-Ray release.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIUwibktIO1IbUAgS3qBR1pob2b3Ap4wd97s702IqIgtOYD98mGDdxtemkRfFAkXADeIZfh_vQUK58LkcpnGkqNYfiyINSE1PILy0F2vjRY8e4QnTe3wasHjSJPA6lmjXBSzuzuRaaI8cL/s1600/9.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="200" data-original-width="377" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIUwibktIO1IbUAgS3qBR1pob2b3Ap4wd97s702IqIgtOYD98mGDdxtemkRfFAkXADeIZfh_vQUK58LkcpnGkqNYfiyINSE1PILy0F2vjRY8e4QnTe3wasHjSJPA6lmjXBSzuzuRaaI8cL/s400/9.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Bond. Nazi Bond. Burning alive in a Disney movie.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>The Rocketeer (1991)</b><br />
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I could've included Captain America: The First Avenger on here, because it has a lot of delightful Nazi killing in it. Again, Hydra are Nazis and if you want to argue that fact then you can just fuck right off, because you are wrong. They have always been Nazis, no matter what Nick Spencer wants you to believe. But, rather than talk about that film, I instead want to talk about the one from the same director that also features so great Nazi death. It's also still made by Disney too! Yay! Now, there are some truly great moments here. And while I kind of wanted to talk about a certain Nazi strongman blowing up on a zeppelin, I decided the truly shining death was our main villain burning alive while flying through the sky. I mean, look at it. It's beautiful. If only we could send all Nazis burning through the sky like shooting stars. I bet that would definitely help make the dicks scared to come out of hiding again.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS_fn45qpB7kGBAkgc9zhlJUlCmeCwdeGVCmOgVSxDpMJbt80Vn4H_8FACt4kdqu7qD3YCm8Pm_2doiJCJoNVx6IprxYlQKDvyS1yT2ATXsM0Tc0Gi0W0eY9KdHgqq_PyCPvxGeZLfL7oi/s1600/10.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="196" data-original-width="450" height="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS_fn45qpB7kGBAkgc9zhlJUlCmeCwdeGVCmOgVSxDpMJbt80Vn4H_8FACt4kdqu7qD3YCm8Pm_2doiJCJoNVx6IprxYlQKDvyS1yT2ATXsM0Tc0Gi0W0eY9KdHgqq_PyCPvxGeZLfL7oi/s400/10.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>A dramatic re-enactment of the AltRight following The Daily Stormer being taken down.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)</b><br />
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Okay, so maybe Inglourious Basterds wasn't the only obvious addition to this list, because how can I talk Nazi killing without mentioning Indiana Jones, yes? Now, to be fair, the best Nazi death scene in the film would've actually happened regardless of Indiana Jones even being there. His presence in the story is actually entirely incidental to what ultimately stops the major threat of the Nazis searching for ultimate power. It's a great movie, no doubt, but the Ark itself did all the killing there at the end. And oh...what lovely killing it was too. Painful, gory, and messy are the words that properly describe the end of the Nazis our hero battled throughout the film. It's one of those great death scenes that people can't help but reference. But it's not my top pick because I have a special death in mind for that.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7tiIL5gODDebdj3MlmjEcgBhBMpUGs_HGxa0-2JYJ4OKzUSVvNXPl1F5TWWVrC4GIHDhm-CGLG0s74983L8-0xiXJ8AwNI8AqzRxjMa7BGBtu7lIFkMqUfwczhCmlFKipNwjIHADRbv6b/s1600/11.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="404" data-original-width="720" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7tiIL5gODDebdj3MlmjEcgBhBMpUGs_HGxa0-2JYJ4OKzUSVvNXPl1F5TWWVrC4GIHDhm-CGLG0s74983L8-0xiXJ8AwNI8AqzRxjMa7BGBtu7lIFkMqUfwczhCmlFKipNwjIHADRbv6b/s400/11.gif" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Nazis and living puppets sold separately.</i></span></td></tr>
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<b>Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge (1991)</b><br />
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When it comes to being Antifa, few franchises handle it as well as the Puppet Master series. The entire series is built upon a deep rooted hatred for Nazis and fascists, featuring puppets who all contain the souls of people who all died at the hands of Nazis. Before they died, ever one of them worked against the Nazis and they continued to fight the good fight after the fact. The third film is the big standout film for most people though, because not only does it give the origin story for the series (until they made another one later on) but it also takes place during WWII in Nazi Germany, showcasing the direct threat when it was at its most dangerous. The crowning scene is the main antagonist, Major Kraus, getting turned into a meat puppet and strung up before being dropped on an axe while the Nazi flag burns. That's some good Antifa entertainment right there.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYoi8KJrXznkaQqK75YIpvgA9cRrpwI9yrz_xe44E_r-ZyWO_rMbPF6p4579tSww4LJ3s2PaJEszQzLjZQKdIFcOeTwSONSz80KcaDSC3RIvfLI3UbJwDX7iCwYWDsHWSKG3aUtkjrSBXu/s1600/12.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="527" data-original-width="953" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYoi8KJrXznkaQqK75YIpvgA9cRrpwI9yrz_xe44E_r-ZyWO_rMbPF6p4579tSww4LJ3s2PaJEszQzLjZQKdIFcOeTwSONSz80KcaDSC3RIvfLI3UbJwDX7iCwYWDsHWSKG3aUtkjrSBXu/s400/12.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Apparently, Ilsa fights the puppets in the newest one too? Huh. Weird.</i></span></td></tr>
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Well, while I'm still angry and want all Nazis to meet a horrible end, I will say that this has been cathartic for me. I hope it helped some of you too, even if only a little bit. At the very least you all know some movies to go watch to help work through your own anger. By all means though, punch some Nazis too. They're extremely punchable. Me, I'm going to go try and get a new review going and prepare myself to talk about a terrible comic event I recently finished reading. I'm sure that will be great fun for us all. Later days, bleeders!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhraMXIdpVtoAj06qaPoI7HGJimRVyvmdbZ36gJvvFoENDjccolwMznPWgBLA7ezkLuy-EQXz0bQmpyCSNtl9zTsOhZVjk8PUP8moVHsqZm93iuVM-au0xVjtOn44LqeB7VKZmSKUxYKwIz/s1600/13.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="563" data-original-width="840" height="267" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhraMXIdpVtoAj06qaPoI7HGJimRVyvmdbZ36gJvvFoENDjccolwMznPWgBLA7ezkLuy-EQXz0bQmpyCSNtl9zTsOhZVjk8PUP8moVHsqZm93iuVM-au0xVjtOn44LqeB7VKZmSKUxYKwIz/s400/13.PNG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>Remember what Blade says, kids: the only good Nazi is a horribly mutilated one.</i></span></td></tr>
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<br />Brian K. Pittmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04912001459178143251noreply@blogger.com0